The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am so sad. Today, I stopped into a little store. I go there about once a week. The woman who runs the store has been such an angel to me since my A left. She took time to give my children special attention, especially holidays, birtdays etc. This christmas she "borrowed" my children and took them out and had their pictures made for me, my kids didn't even let me in on it for more than 4 wks. She took them to Wal-mart and let the kids pick out an outfit of their choice for their chrismas present. She is a wonderful woman. When my A first left she would call and tell me there was this or that amount of store credit there for me to use when ever I needed it. I love her.
My nerves are just so shot. Today when we stopped in, she was not herself. Though she never personally shared that she is a sober A, I knew that she was. I've never talked to her about it, and she knows my situation with my A. Today, she had been drinking, a lot. She could barely ring up our stuff, then totaled it less than half of what it should have been. I waited as she check a few other people (which took a long time) and asked her if I could stay and help her, let the kids hang out. (I'd helped her in the past durring busy times). She said she was fine. She soooo wasn't fine.
I went home and then went right back. I know, I know, I can't fix it but I care about her. When I went back she had just turned the "closed" sign over (very early), but I went in and expressed how much I cared about her and I knew something wasn't right. Again I offered to stay and help her, she responded no, she's fine. Then she left both the cash drawers open and went to the back as I walked out. Crap, I sat in the car, this place has been robbed before. So I went back in and called for her, she finally came up and I told her again, I knew something wasn't right, that she'd left both the cash drawers open and didn't lock up behind me. Her response, I always leave the drawers open (NOT!!) So I just said please, can you just lock up behind me and she did.
So I sit here and I'm thinking augh, how in the world can things like this just pop up and rock my program. It's not fair. I mean I expect this from my A, am use to it, know what I can and can't to do with him. But here is someone I love, that just fell off the wagon, and it is killing me. I wonder how she'll get home, if she'll remember to close up right or if she hurt herself trying to put up that stock the way she is.
You are a good friend. I will pray for you and your friend. I hate this disease also. It ruins lives and breaks hearts. There is so little we can do about it. Work our program and pray for HP to take care of them.
Gosh two people deeply affected by the disease of alcoholism. Both caring and giving and both under the influence. You did the best you could with what you had with your friend. In reflection was it the same as with both of your previous alcoholics. If it wasn't you might have something to look at in a tenth step.
I don't know how to fix an alcoholic and I do know how to love and care about one while at the same time including me in on that character and behavior. You helped her and then left her to the consequences of her choices. How marvelous!! My former sponsor would have said that you allowed your friend the dignity of making her own choices and attaining their consequence.
I know that when the alcoholics in my life have relapsed in the past I use to go right to panic, fear, doom and gloom. (I am qualified for the rooms of Al-Anon.) Then I sat with the elders who taught me about giving myself grace and instead of just reacting ("Don't React" is one of our slogans and also my screen saver) take a few minutes to meditate on all of those tragic situations that with the grace of HP turned out miraculously. I learned about a natural hope and faith. In the few minutes of grace I also meditate on gratitude for all of the negative events in the alcoholics and enablers lives that with the spiritual awareness of the program...direct them right back to their HP. It cannot get more mysterious or better than this! Pray that she has turned around and bumped into the chest of her HP cause you know her HP is closely following. You didn't cause it. You can't control it. You can't cure it.
It is so sad when those that aren't even our 'immediate' A have a problem too. It's also for me easier to have compassion for someone like this as well.
I spend so much time building up resentments that it's hard to have compassion for those close to me sometimes I guess.
It's hard to see someone recovering and slip. It might make us question our hope for those suffering. Sometimes I just live vicariously through others and it brings me joy to see those in recovery while I work hard and hope for myself and others in my life. Maybe that is why it's so tough for us to watch someone like your friend at the store.
{{{Luna}}}
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
There is so little we can do about it. Work our program and pray for HP to take care of them.