The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
What a waste of time. I sat in the court hallway with my $325 hour attorney for 3 hours.
But the mediation team strongly recommends against alimony and insists on a 50/50 split.
now we go back to ping pong with the attorneys and another court ordered mediation in 2 weeks.
The mediation team (family law attorneys at the court) say there is a lot of case law that does NOT support alimony in this case. They say that my husband is underemployed (I told my lawyer it is a miracle he is working at all) and also with the assets we have he can live a secure lifestyle comparable to his marriage lifestyle.
I very much appreciate the support and the ESH.
__________________
Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
Uugghhh!! $325/hour - OUCH!!! That is what I am scared of the most I think about filing for divorce. The lawyers!! As if divorce is not tough enough, the lawyers take turns twisting the knife in our gut to get more blood from us. (Apologies to any lawyers out there reading this - nothing personal)
I am not afraid of being on my own - I dream of it daily now. I am just afraid of how much it is going to cost me to obtain that freedom and sanity I so desire.
Well, I guess you gotten past that hurdle...now go relax until the next hurdle arrives. My prayers are w/you. God Bless.
Thanks my friends, now I will go do some mountain biking :) Here is how the action went in court:
We went to a courtroom to start. My attorney in the wrong courtroom and calls me where am I? It tell him there was a notice by the metal detector saying go to a different courtroom. Of course he knew a better way into the courthouse than to stand in line and get metal detectored.
So he shows up and meanwhile someone else sat next to me and they wouldn't move even though I said my lawyer belonged in that seat :(
Then our case was called and lawyers and divorce contestants went away around the building to sit in the hallway.
Then husband and his lawyer talk and my lawyer and I talk. The court clerk says we are #2 on the docket. Then we hang out in the hallway and my lawyer asks about all my jobs and how much I make and all husbands jobs and how much he makes. I become quite bored and fire up my laptop and get some work done. Then I chat with my friend online. He asks a few more questions about my job, but it is over 2 hours and the pc is certainly more interesting than the lawyer.
Then it is our turn.
I get up to go in and he says, lawyers first. I say umm ok and go back to chatting with my friend online and he goes away.
then he returns and says the panel does not want alimony, they won't talk about alcoholism because no DR ever diagnosed husband and they say 50/50.
So all go into a small room. Then chairs are assigned. I am told to sit with my lawyer and husband's with his.
So it goes. The 2 new lawyers talk about settling things up.
they talk about being done and moving on.
The lady looks down her nose at us.
The new lawyers praise the old lawyers for their years of wisdom.
How smart they are and what a good settlement will come.
I am underwhelmed and leave without any resolution at all. The regular lawyers pick a mediation firm for us and that is the next step unless we can settle.
The point of the game is to settle. The judge at 9am said if we think it is my way or the highway we will pay through the nose to our nice lawyers. and the lawyers will be pleased to take the money
So now it is time to settle. I read that a settlement means no one is happy.
Then I went and ordered myself a new bike :)
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Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
What I learned in the program was that when I stopped fighting, the fighting stopped. I was asked a question during my fighting years. "Do you want to be happy or do you want to be right?" It took me a long time to find an honest answer to that question. Of course the way I initially went about it was, "I was striving to be right; the winner." There are no winners in Alcoholism and no divorces as long as we have memory and ego.
Did buying the new mountain bike take away the problem? Was your HP in the court? Does settlement mean you and your alcoholic (assumption) will exchange a pound of flesh when it's over? That last one is a wee sarcastic and true for me. Fact was I was the one who wanted the pound.
It's all settled today. We are not together and shouldn't have been (my choice). I learned to detach from her and love her unconditionally with out fear, anger or rejection but with acceptance. My lawyer was very amazed at the insanity that went on in the court room and doubly amazed at how it didn't own me. He was also amazed when I back charged him for missing a court appointment and was at that time out earning him. He had to eat $990 something dollars. This program works in all of my difficulties and the solution is to take care of me and my part.
Your post reopened my album including the divorce and I was grateful that there was no resentments or judgements. Just Gratitude. Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?
Congrats on making it through court today. Sounds like the mediation team is seeing things the way they are. I understand the frustration of the system. And yes, they do so want those involved to come to an agreement.
I pray that your H decides to stop throwing money away and that you and he can come to a fair agreement.
I do not agree that doing what is right does not also equal to being happy. I myself know that if I dont do what's right, while this may be the path of least resistance, it certainly doesnt make me happy and does nothing but lower my self esteem and can potentially cause further resentments to develope inside of me. No thanks!!!
I think its great you bought yourself a new bike!!! Why the heck not! Do something nice for you! Enjoy it my friend...you certainly have earned it!
Meagan, thanks for the update. I was not liking the possibility of you paying your A alimony. Consider the attorney's fees an investment - well at first i thought that, until you wrote how he showed up in the wrong place. But not to pay alimony throughout eternity - that has to feel good. I know you'll land on your feet. You're inspiring to me, and I don't even want a divorce. Just to know how you went from really controlled by your husb to flying on your own shows me the possibilities. Keep posting. --Jill
Today was tough and each an every one of you has helped me to become the person my HP is guiding me to be.
Specifically to Jerry’s ?’s
Did buying the new mountain bike take away the problem? I bought a road bike. I have a goal of doing all 3 parts of a triathalon by August and I need a bike to train on. The bike and being back in shape are part of my future. Being overweight with dangerously high blood pressure from living with stress is my past
Was your HP in the court? Yup, he guided me to my current action
Does settlement mean you and your alcoholic (assumption) will exchange a pound of flesh when it's over? That last one is a wee sarcastic and true for me. Fact was I was the one who wanted the pound. Nope, settlement means my fair share of things. During my marriage all OUR money was controlled by him. It still is. Time to get what is mine and kept from me for 15 years.
It gives me no pleasure to get a divorce but it is where I am today.
And it is light years better than where I was only 1 year ago.
Thanks for being here
Megan
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Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
You post with such clarity and honesty. My A has said he wants a divorce but no court date yet. Way to stick up for yourself. It sounds like your earned your share. I agree that the lawyer fee is an investment in your future. I totally support your efforts to get physically fit on your mountain bike. I find my HP when I am outdoors and I run.
Ahhhhhhhh, nothing like hitting the pavement to relieve stress! I hope you indulged in a really nice road bike. My dream to sell my mountain bike and get a road bike, although we're talking about moving to the country lol.
Glad you made it through court. I too would find the PC a lot more interesting than the lawyers. Heck I would find counting the tiles on the floor more interesting than the lawyers! Just because you're in mediation, doesn't mean that you're giving in. It means that you will be able to get on with your life.
Happy Road Biking. The Discovery Channel will be calling you to join their team!
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Just because you're in mediation, doesn't mean that you're giving in. It means that you will be able to get on with your life. 