The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading in courage to change is about the Three A's - Awareness - Acceptance - Action
The author shares that coping with a new awareness can be awkward, and many of us wish to avoid pain and discomfort, so we may try to jump from awareness to action. But, until we accept the reality we face, we probably will no be able to take action with confidence. Acceptance, the author shares, does not mean condoning something that is intolerable, but rather accepting the facts of the situation, and then deciding what we want to do about it. Acceptance can be empowering, because it makes choice possible.
Today's Reminder: I will give myself time to accept my situation before I act. Unforeseen options can become available when I accept what it.
Today's Quote: "For here we are not afraid to follow truth wherever it may lead." Thomas Jefferson
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I just love today's reading. Before I came to the program, I often jumped from awareness to action, because I tend to avoid negative emotions and I like to check things off the list, solve problems, move on. In AlAnon, I discovered that my quick solving of problems was one of my character defects. By moving too fast from awareness to action, I wasn't giving myself or others time to accept a situation, think about it, and make choices about what to do. I remember early in the program, I was sharing at a meeting about my indecision about whether to stay in my marriage or leave it. I felt immense pressure to make "the right choice right now". One of the more senior members of the group suggested that I make a choice each day - stay, leave, or don't decide yet. He stressed that deciding not to make a decision today was also a valid decision that I could make. I realize now that he was encouraging me to take the time I needed to accept my situation before making a decision and acting on it. Following this path, I was presented with choices that I didn't believe would be possible. I am thankful to the program and those who share their experience, strength, and hope with me. Taking the time to accept my situation is one of the skills I've learned that has helped me find sanity and serenity.
I hope you all have a lovely day!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Good Morning Skorpi ,I truly love this slogan the '3As" has been my "go to" slogan for many years. Love how today I can become aware- sit with the awareness for a time and not jump to fic it immediately This provides me with the opportunity to process everything that is involved, weigh my decisions, plan a coarse of action and then act with courage trusting that HP is with me.
What a great comment to your share Skorpi! Thank you for your service, and I always appreciate Betty's ESH!
This hit home for me, especially what Skorpi shared, b/c I too skipped the level of ACCEPTANCE when I returned here. I am also a 'check the box - done!' kind of gal, and I want to avoid as much internal pain as possible. I have also developed into a "fixer," a "manager" due to living with addiction for so long.
It took me awhile to get to acceptance. It came in layers, to be honest. First there was acceptance that my AH wouldn't seek help - even to save our relationship or the family. Then acceptance that we had to leave our home. Then acceptance I needed financial help just to survive. Then acceptance that I could not live with the possibility of relapse over and over. The hardest one was acceptance that my 29 year marriage was over. Currently, I am working on acceptance that my new career path isn't getting me to where I need/want to be as fast as I would like. I work daily on Letting it Go, trying to accept that I cannot direct it's path entirely... that at some point I have to have faith that my HP has me just where I am supposed to be TODAY.
The one common denominator I have found, despite what you are facing, is that truly embracing ACCEPTANCE makes things a whole lot easier!!
It's "Hump Day" y'all! Only 2 more days until the weekend! Woot!
-- Edited by PosiesandPuppies on Wednesday 12th of September 2018 09:15:04 AM
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Hey there ladies - good morning. Thank you all for your shares and ESH. Skorpi - thank you also for your service and the daily. I too go to the three As often, as I believe our mission while here is to continue to grow, learn, change. These 3 small words, were so helpful in the beginning and remain helpful now.
The longer I practice program, the more I trust in a power greater than I. The more I trust in my HP, the easier acceptance comes. With more acceptance, I am truly free to focus on me vs. the disease or others. Grateful I can see me today as an perfectly imperfect, and unconditionally apply that to all I know/love/meet.
Happy Hump day all - make it a great one!!
-- Edited by Iamhere on Wednesday 12th of September 2018 10:57:41 AM
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you, Skorpi, and all who have shared. Learning the 3 A's has helped me in my journey to forgiveness of my late AH.
There was a little phrase he made up once, which we used to quote to each other humorously: "Do you know what is going on? If you know, do you care? And if you care, what are you going to do about it?" This is very close to Awareness, Acceptance, Action. It's so interesting to realize that part of the solution to my dilemma was there for me all the time, even though I didn't recognize it.
What am I (not someone else) going to do about it?
my memory and concentration is improving as I age- a bonus from being here in Alanon. I know I have covered these points before- several times most likely- and the thoughts and words are familiar friends. I am still learning, which is a part of the bonus... and hopefully growing emotionally...
I tend to defer some things. I tended to try and do too much at the one time- and get tangled. I have a set of priorities which i can review every day- like self- family -other people animals, plants, vehicles- other things. So if I don't go out and water my plants or feed my three chickens, its not worth having them.
Gradually the anxiety goes out of my world- little by little.
I have a blackboard in the kitchen with items to do and to remember... ...there are some rainy day tasks etc. etc.
There was a time in my recovery when i felt I was overtaking Joan and Joe Average, who didn't need a programme. I thought that, in the end there might be advantages to having had an alcoholic family member. Seeing it as a bonus seemed impossible years ago. Being on a par with Joan and Joe is really all I need- it is not a race or a competition.
To me these seem more about step 11 reflections. I don't need a cathedral down the end of my street to be a believer. It's just there all the time. Available.
And our membership is there too... here too...
dreaming and thinking are verbs too... forms of action and activity...
I no longer live in a black and white world where this is not allowed.
I am primed for patient action. It is early morning here... a nice starting point for the day. Thanks.
This is so hard for me in many ways. Finding the balance also between action man and calcified unmoving rock. When i make a decision I almost always want to follow it up with a usually controlling action or abandon everything to do with it completely. thank you for the service Skorpi and for all the ESH of the members.
-- Edited by a4l on Wednesday 12th of September 2018 03:45:52 PM
It was many years in Alanon before I heard about the 3 As. It's brilliant and I'm grateful for the reminder because it seems that I continuously cycle through those 3 musketeers and helps for me to identify where I'm at and figure out the next right thing.
Skorpi, thanks for your service, and all the ESH shared on the topic. A very good reminder... I seem to be doing some serious acceptance skipping too... Just as it says in the reading, to avoid the emotional pain about what I perceive as shameful, but I'm not going to get around the issue, I've been trying to do just that for a year or so now, and this fact itself points that I'm not doing it right, I suppose, because its not working.
Oh I sure needed this reminder. Thank you.
Oh yes! Being aware, then coming to accept has to happen before I can take right action. A lot of times denial steps in the way and therefore I am not looking at this as an observer in reality mode but I am fighting it in someway. Thats when I really drag out the Al-Anon tools and work on what I need to do to really be aware of what truly is going on, then I have to go through the feelings anger, grief, sadness, whatever, I always honor my feelings, and then when I do I can take right action. But I have to come to acceptance which sometimes is hard for me because in the old days it made me feel like I was surrendering to something I did not want to surrender to, getting defeated by something, not having any say in my own life. But really I learned in the program that acceptance only means that I see the situation or person as it is, not what I want it to be, but as it is Then I can take right action to take care of me. I have been faced with this a lot in recent months. Having to accept what is really the reality and not what I wish and hope it would be. Sometimes it can be a real house leveler as far is hurting my heart but I would rather live in the truth then in fantasy.
I also learned that acceptance does not mean that I agree with it or I like it. It just means I see it for what it is
Thanks Skorpi and y'all...