The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was thinking today about times I've made poor life choices and the lessons from those choices. When I purchase something, I want quality. Quality often doesn't mean costly. I can often get what I need without paying a high price. Interestingly, I don't always shop my life choices that way. I can sometimes impulse buy. I can do this despite my gut telling me it's not right, not what I really want and there may be something better for me. I'm grateful I don't do it anywhere near as often since Alanon but boy when I do, I go big lol
I had a lot of magical thinking when I first got here. My actions were premeditated in the hopes of the outcome I wanted. I was always in the future, had it all mapped out. Higher power? Pffft! I've got this! But you know, I really didn't. Honestly, I couldn't even control my own thoughts, soothe my worries, have calmness. I lied to myself a lot. I was in denial. If I do A I told myself, you will do B and that will be "perfect!" We'll get C. Didn't work that way. I got Z for zilch. The only C was control
Waiting is hard! Sitting with feelings is too. But how can the god of my understanding bring anything to me if I keep going out to get stuff on my own? I use to go to the hardware store for bread. You know that one I'm sure. I still pop by there occassionally. Still no bread.
Well anyway, I'm just going to continue to enjoy a seemingly idle day. I know hp is working in my life 24/7. I just need to let go and wait for that nudge.
Thanks for letting me share with you. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
A good share for me today... thank you for enriching my recovery, TT!!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
(((TT))) - I love your share and got a visual of standing in truth. Your share reminded me of the promises. I do recall the first time I read them, I truly felt they would never happen for me. This thinking was part of my pattern, and part of my insanity. I had so much denial about how the disease affected me, my thinking, etc. It had been so easy for me to blame the disease and the diseased for so very, very long. Yet another pattern that could change and has changed through recovery.
Keep doing you girl - looks great on you!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
((TT)) Awesome share and thank you for expressing what I could not put into words as well. While you're sitting and waiting, please know your'e not alone... you're surrounded by the loving support of your MIP family. We'll wait together as your HP creates space and beckons you to your next step.
I get the gut thing. I do a gut check often, in certain situations.
For me -- similar to the topic I brought up about "congruency" -- and yes, shopping for bread in a hardware store, it's about my actions not be in alignment with my words, my intentions, my doing the next right thing for me, etc. I refuse to go through denial, the rationalization of a thought process, convincing myself I should when I know I shouldn't, and so on...but it does potentially happen! LOL.
That's why I go to meetings, LOL. Thanks again for the share.
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Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
Thanks for sharing, tt, I relate. I remembered a decision I made recently that had no unwanted consequences but just as well could have had, and I made it before I had any real clarity, and now in retrospect it seems pretty clear it was just my will. There was no real rush, no life and death situation... Just me deciding to go to a hardware store for a little bread. Thankfully, HP had other plans for me. I like the phrase "magical thinking", that was exactly me, living in my imaginary world (and I had no idea about it). As I go out into the real world more I see my view was/is extremely narrow although I used to think of myself as quite open minded. (Duh...)
Thanks for sharing. It's a miracle to me to know this and feel this. I'm beginning to work step 3 in another way. My way has never been the way that's brought me peace and joy never. In fact my way is often harmful to me and others. I once heard a speaker saying what if we just didn't have a way? We just listen for the next right thing. God's will or our shortcomings run riot.
