The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Denial: The reading for 9/10 speaks about how denial can cloud and/or distort our thinking. We may not see the lies we tell ourselves and others. Our anger and scorn for the alcoholic can come out in many ways. Yet it is all a cry for help. We can forgive ourselves knowing that we did the best we could at that time. We can be honest with ourselves yet gentle.
Today's Reminder: When I stop worrying about how others see things and focus on myself, I gain more serenity than I have ever known. I cannot control the disease of alcoholism, but I can step away from its grip by honestly examining my motives and feelings.
Quote from Friedrich Nietzshe: Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster.
I readily relate to this reading because it took years for me to see that I married an alcoholic. I suffered such shame when I realized what was really wrong with the marriage, including that I had become quite sick as well as my A.
I like the quote very much, because until I could see how alcohol was affecting both of us, I was trying to control my A and force solutions. In different ways, I was no healthier or helpful. It is only through program that I could sort this out, focus on myself, and give up the own monster in me. Lyne
Thanks for posting the daily early Lyne and thanks for your service! I am off early tomorrow to golf so this works lovely for me before I go to bed! In my case, I knew all about the disease - I have it, it's in my family and I married another I met in AA. Yet, I was in huge denial that with the great example I had set and all the 'teaching' and 'preaching' I had done that my boys could have this disease. I was in denial about it being a disease and was absolutely insane from trying to manage them, the disease, the outcomes, and almost everything else.
Accepting that I was powerless, unmanageable and a bit insane did not come 'fast'. I had to stop blaming them and the disease and realize it is what it is but I don't have to be a hostage to it. Al-Anon gave me a new set of tools to focus on me, my part and my motives and to make changes. I have learned that happiness is an inside job and expecting others to complete me, compliment me or ever think life me is not healthy for me!
Today, I believe in a HP with a master plan who designs all of us to be perfectly imperfect. It's not my job to fix, change or judge anyone else for how they do their journey - it's my job to focus on my own, keep growing and learning. Difficult times come and go and when I stay aligned with my program, I am better able to deal today than before.
Have a lovely Monday!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Oh boy, thank goodness you posted this one early as I could use more time with this one! When I first came to alanon, I had difficulty relating and felt the program wasn't for me. It took soooo long before I understood how I had been affected to understand how much I needed Alanon. Today, I cannot imagine my life without my MIP family and f-2-f fellowship.
Still working hard to live in my truth and to be true to myself without being concerned about fear, shame, or what someone else thinks. I especially love, "... but I can step away from its grip by honestly examining my motives and feelings" because in all my powerlessness, I'm grateful that there is a way to loosen the grip of the disease.
It's like being given keys to release me from unknowing self-confinement - honestly examine my motives, not forcing things, keep the focus on me, and be gentle with myself.
Hello Lyne Thanks or this powerful reminder== Denial was my go too tool before I entered Program. I am so pleased that I finally learned to keep the focus on myself,be honest and say what I mean. Thanks for your service
hey Lyne....thank you for service and this daily.....DENIAL...oh yea....i only just recently that it was my false self = critical parent that was "getting in my way" not life...I blamed Life...universe....everything but MY bad coping skills of self sabotage, the old recordings,...the old "training/brain washing" job they did on me....yea, they did this to me, but I have the negative coping skills/stinking thinking...its ME, its THAT IN ME that I have to change.....I don't deny anymore about it.....I am responsible for my life NOW....in the past??? yea, the beast and wife were 1000% responsible for my injuries, but like someone who gets shot in the leg...they can sit on their ass an complain/be victim, or they can get up and TRY to walk..TRY to move about....I am doing the 2nd...I got demolished, but I'm still alive and I don't deny, I have a bunch of issues.....i am working on action changing the mind....practicing slowing down...slogan "easy does it" and "keep it simple" slow down...practice the better habits...when I am in denial, I can't fix my problems because I am blinded to them...if I accept, come out of denial, I can SEE...it sucks what I see, but I SEE and I accept and now its time and I am doing it.....action and practicing to change my bad behaviours.....I didn't even realize how sneaky denial is...like I never thought that blaming my "crap life" now was a kind of denying that yea, its crap because I'm still not seeing all the things i need to work on.....so....one by one...the coping skills that still skew my life, I am practicing better behavior to override those habits....i see them as MINE, now...I own it..and I choose to change it...........
sorta got off base here, but denial brought this thought up in my mind and I wanted to share (step 5) on it.....now I am ready to be shed of this self sabotaging...its not life..its not any diety...its not bad spirits....its my stinking thinking that sabotages me........
THANK you for sharing this and "moving me" to do this "quicky" step 4,5
Thanks for your service Lyne, and thanks all for sharing!
Before AlAnon, I was trapped in denial as well. I had a habit of hyper focusing on the now, and refusing to see the cumulative impact of the individual nows. Focusing on just today, I found during the program, didn't mean that I didn't need to deal with consequences, and it didn't mean that I didn't have to think through my decisions, but it did mean that I needed to each and every day make the best possible decision at the time, and let go of what might come tomorrow.
I hope everyone makes today a great day!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
