I've had lots of emotions the last couple of days.  I am amazed at the level of insecurity I have now with my "a".  He is assuring me that he was not calling this girl to have a relationship and that it is completely over.  I continue to pray for my healing and his on this matter...

We did have a great counseling session last night.  Our counselor was amazed at the progress we have made in the last three weeks.  On our goals we each scored a "10" which has never happened in the three years we have been in counseling.  Progress, I'd say so!!  I felt empowered when she read what I chose as my goal for the counseling sessions and I knew with every fiber of my being that I was really devoting energy and actively working it.  Following this program has done wonders for me emotionally and spiritually. 

A little tweak of light is shining for my "a" these last two days.  He even said in counseling that he saw his family and himself as part of the family, and stepped back from himself and looked at us as an observer.  He said I realized my family was fine, I just needed to do some changes in me to keep that going and be better for them.  He is starting to question whether alcohol and marijuana are working for him.  He said I'm not saying I'll quit forever, he said I've learned that when I say that and don't follow through that leads to trouble between us, he said I'm just thinking that I need to monitor my drinking and maybe try life with out marijuana for a while.

Well, I think we all know that an alcoholic can try to monitor but then six or seven beers later they say "What happened?"  LOL  I do believe the walls of his denial are breaking down which has been my prayer for him.  I fully realize that an alcoholic cannot be free from that bondage until they acknowledge and accept that their lives are unmanagable because of their addictions and choices.   Denial must die!!!  I pray hard for him during the days when he's sober and he is seeking to make changes in life.  He will be driving legally in two weeks.  (Scary but true)  He will begin seeking better employment.  I am staying rooted in program and continuing to give him the space he needs to figure his life out for himself.  Even with the minor setback this week, it has not shaken my peace too terribly and I still feel blessed even for the pain and grief I have had, it has brought me closer to HP and prayer.   

Hugs to all,

Twinmom~