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Post Info TOPIC: I Feel like I'm Raining inside!


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1502
Date:
I Feel like I'm Raining inside!


Have ya Ever just got in a Funk and Can't Figure out Why or What? And One little thing can just send you into a Whirl wind of Old Resentments, stuff I thought I let go of Long ago, but for that One day, they all come Flooding back like a Tidal Wave from Hell... Yeah, That's Kinda where I was Yesterday... I Really wish I could figure out why?

I did Find that I have a Jealousy Bone I Never Thought Possible... And Sadly enough its Geared tords my Husband, I've Never been the Wife that gets Jealous of him Chatting with other Peeps, or ladies... That just not My Style, but more of a 'Things' Resentment... and it honestly makes no Sense to me... We have been together over 20 yrs, but for what ever Reason yesterday, I had to Physically Leave my House for a Couple Hours because I was So Wound up in Yuck... And Every time I would try to Rationalize it in my Mind, Tears would Roll, and Every time I would try to Pray it out, Tears would Roll...

I don't know if it has to do with this Yuck Weather or What... It has Rained for What Seems like FOREVER and I'm a gal that has Always Needed Sunshine to help me Stay Positive, Winters are Brutal on me, and this year I foresee being even Worst due to all this Rain... I Just feel like I am Constantly on the Edge with my Emotions...

And of Course I am Middle Aged, So Every time I try to Speak to someone else about it, I get.. ."Well you Could be Going thru the Change!" Yes... Or... It Could be I'm Just having a Really Shitty Day! lol

But Yesterday was a Harder one to Over Come, I left the house for a few Hours, drove around town crying out my Junk, went to market, came home to AGAIN a Flooded Basement, and a Flooded Office, So I had to Hurry and Clean up the Basement (Where I do laundry) so had to basically empty it... The Husband took care of the office. Then I tried to just BE, so I Started doing some of my Crochet Projects that have been pulling on me to finish, and I Still couldn't get out of my Funk, So I Went up to Bed way Early, and thought maybe I could watch some Comedy, to try and get my Mood Switched around, but NOPE... I think I fell asleep around Midnight, and Slept Well... But this Morning the lingering of that Yuck is still Here... And of Course... Its STILL Raining!

I Mean I know I can't control the weather, but I'm Telling you there are days I don't even know if I can Control Myself... Yesterday was that Day!

Today I have Noticed I have tried to "Busy" Myself so as to try and work thru this junk, and I have Prayed to HP for Guidance, and Awareness as to what the Hell... I Mean if there was Something going on, Something Troubling I could see it, but I Can only come up with the Rain & My Friend is Struggling & I Know that Wears on my Mind Constantly, but outside of those things, I just can't Figure it out...

Does Anyone else get in Funks due to Long Raining Periods? We have had More Floods this Year in my Local Area then I Ever Remember, and I Honestly can't think of a 3 days Stretch this Summer that there hasn't been some Threat of it...

I Guess I Just need to Get that Out of my Head, So as Maybe at Some Point I Can figure out what this is... Lord knows I Pray it Passes as Quick as it Showed up Yesterday! I know I can't stay in this Funk or it will Pull me back to despair

Just having an Awful Start to the Weekend, and Trying my Best to Swim up Out before I Drown...

Trying to Remember: This too Shall Pass, Easy Does it, HALT...

 

Thanks for Letting me Share

Jozie



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Thee Only Journey I Control Is MY Own :)

Gratitude.... Is a God Honoring Attitude! :D



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 9114
Date:

(((Jozie))) - so very sorry for the 'funk' of the day yesterday. I get down and the weather is just one possible contributing factor. Like you, I'd love to be able to isolate the actual trigger so I can be more attentive/aware of it and possibly get to the other side faster. It's not a fun place to be - at all...

For me, all I know to do is what recovery tells us and you're doing - Write About It, Talk About It and Pray About It. I do tend to up my meetings when I am funky as I always tend to hear something that helps me. For me, the funk can magnify if I dwell on it - action truly helps me distract me from 'it' and gives me a sense of satisfaction.

We too are having more rain that I care to experience. I feel blessed that we've not had flooding (yet). We're very saturated so it's a possibility. Wet basements are no fun - BTDT - Been There, Done That. Having a rental property near a creek that becomes a river with lots of rain used to cause me great anxiety. I have actually done step work on this trigger and others, just to put my triggers into perspective. And, yesterday's C2C was all about, "How Important is It?"

I am one who doesn't cry very often and then feels embarrassed if I do so publicly. Suppose that comes from FOO were feelings weren't allowed. I had a great cleansing cry this week and it did seem to help me clear some sadness within. I hope that today is better than yesterday for you and your funk just keeps diminishing with time/prayer/program.

Sending tons of (((love))), hugs, prayers and positive energy your way! Hang tough girl cuz you got this!!

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1025
Date:

Wow, Jozie!
I am so sorry that you feeling this!
But I will say that I am reading all kinds of good program here! So kudos to you for knowing which tools to pick up and use, for reaching out here for support! If I could, I would jump out of your computer screen and give you a big ol'hug!!!

As I think about that, visualize myself doing that, I think to myself, "Wow, wouldn't THAT be a trip!" I could just imagine the look of disbelief and maybe horror as I come through to find you in your PJ's!! LOL! Can you tell I am a fan of Black Mirror? LOL!
But I digress.

In answer to your question, yes. Yes, I have been there. However one day strung into several. I eventually sought out medical help for depression. I took an SSRI for about 6 months... helped tremendously.
Perhaps you need to look into having your doctor prescribe you a light box. SAD - seasonal affect disorder is a real thing, and light boxes can really help. When I had health insurance I had wanted to do the same thing... now it's just too expensive for me.

Regardless of the cause, it sounds like you are using all your tools... maybe this is just one day of YUCK. Keep writing about it - unless you feel it is keeping you stuck in that funk - maybe you will figure out the exact cause.

((((((Jozie))))))



__________________

Music makes my soul soar!

"The TRUTH is like a lion; you don't have to defend it. Let it loose; it will defend itself." St. Augustine

~~If nothing ever changed, there would be no BUTTERFLIES~~ anonymous



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1502
Date:

(((Iamhere)))

Thank you :) I would love to Up my Meetings, However My Local F2F we only have 3 and Only One that Works with my Schedule, and I'm usually at Work (Like Now) when I have Access to a Computer to do On line, But This Board Does Help me So much... I can Pop in and Out through out my day, and My Eyes Just wont let me access to much from my Phone...lol
The Basement mess is Becoming Quite a Pain in the Arse! To say the Least, we have an Old Block Home, and its comes in around the Block because the Ground just can't Hold it all. Normally as Long as we Keep our Gutters Clear, we don't have the issue, but this year with the Rain Fall, it just don't seem to matter :/

I too am Not a Cryer "In front of Peeps" also due to FOO family , So I Completely understand what your Saying, and I Guess that's Why its so hard for me to figure out, for me to want to bust into tears because someone says. "How's your Day!" its very unlike me AT ALL... So Thank you for All Positive Thoughts, Prayers, Love & Hugs... I'm Truly Grateful you are here :)

(P&P)
I would Me Most Grateful for that Hug, so If you Can Make it Happen I'll Wait...lol
I have at times went to my Doc for meds for winter depression, but due to my Thinking, and My Addiction issues, My Mind constantly tells me, "You don't need this, Buck up and Face Life!" and I know that isn't a Great way of thinking, but I've learned that I'm an Addict in all ways of the world, and due to that, my Thinking, and Rationalizing isn't the Greatest when it comes to "Taking Something, Verses Head Butting my Way thru something!" and I know that is a large part of my sickness... AND, Every time I get a New Med, My Insurance finds a Way to Charge me More... Its Just so Frustrating, but I have Tried that Option, and it worked for a Short period, till my "Stinking Thinking" took over again, and Made me Anxious, and Off Kilter again...

But Thank you Also for the Love & Support, Coming here and Reading Reply's has always helped me Move Forward, and tho I Feel like I'm in a Sinking Ship, You all are the Just the Grip I need to not Sink, so Thank you... whole Heartedly... THANK YOU

Grateful for my Recovery Family
Jozie

__________________

Thee Only Journey I Control Is MY Own :)

Gratitude.... Is a God Honoring Attitude! :D



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 713
Date:

Hi Jozie, I feel for you. I actually like rainy weather, but -- I've also experienced flooding and water damage to the house, and that is so frustrating! Talk about powerless, and the initial solutions I tried did not work. I remember using a carpet shampooer to try to suck the water out of the carpet, and the water kept coming in. Eventually got outside help to resolve it and hopefully prevent it in the future.

I so relate to the remarks you hear about "it must be the Change." It drives me nuts when people blame someone's reaction on "female problems." It's really dismissive. The female might actually have a real problem she is facing, as we all know.

I hope you have sunnier days ahead!

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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 16545
Date:

((Jozie))) glad that you came here and shared Sending positive thoughts on the way. Be gentle with yourself remember we are human and feelings sometimes do overwhelm us



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 19
Date:

My life coach (licensed therapist) encouraged me to fully dive into my funks. I mean, really go for it. Sad movies, books, or whatever would bring the feelings up into my consciousness. To simply feel and not judge my feelings. That so many of us avoid feeling because its uncomfortable and we stuff and stuff until we cant hold it down anymore.

However, I was only allowed to camp in that space short-term and not move in permanently.

When it was time to leave, sometimes I had to fake it until I felt it. i would practice smiling and laughing, until I felt like smiling and laughing.

whatever works for you. 



-- Edited by Kcsnooze on Friday 7th of September 2018 08:35:35 PM

__________________

kcsnooze

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am enough. 



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1502
Date:

(((Hotrod))) Thank you for the Gentle Reminder :) I Need it From time to time for sure ;)


(((kcsnooze))) Thanks ;) I Was Also told Very Early on in Al-Anon, Feel the Feelings, and then Let them go... You Can Always Look Back, Just don't Stare :) When I get in these Funks, I have to Let the tears Flow, But I Normally Feel Depleted after, And I'm Generally a Glass Flowing Over Kinda Gal, Negative only Strikes me when I'm Down to Long, So Like you, I have to Fake it Till I Make it to the Other Side... Thank you for your Share....


Jozie

__________________

Thee Only Journey I Control Is MY Own :)

Gratitude.... Is a God Honoring Attitude! :D



Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 237
Date:

 

 

((((Jozie))))  you're working it and doing what I believe is necessary in getting feedback from others in recovery...that is what I was taught and learned to do.  My main feelings of anger and rage and suspicions and such use to ride me until I got into trouble with my behaviors all while attempting to practice what I now do which is remember that feelings are choices which my elder sponsor taught me.  I can choose any feeling I want to and focus on it...thoughts and behaviors.  That way I don't linger on a feeling that is taking me hostage.  I know what different feelings are like so I can choose one I rather be having rather than not; I can and do so that my day and life are more nicely acceptable.  I don't let other people "stuff" take center stage in my feelings either...I am responsible.   Keep on keeping on.   ((((Hugs)))) smile



__________________
Jerry F


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1025
Date:

(((((Jozie)))))

You sound like you know yourself very well by now. Just know that we will be here for you!
Progress not Perfection!

__________________

Music makes my soul soar!

"The TRUTH is like a lion; you don't have to defend it. Let it loose; it will defend itself." St. Augustine

~~If nothing ever changed, there would be no BUTTERFLIES~~ anonymous

Bo


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 968
Date:

While we can be triggered by anything -- regardless of what it is -- this is pretty typical as far as byproducts, ramifications, etc.

For me, when this happens -- it's the basics that always work -- steps one, two, and three...acceptance, surrender, and letting go...and they have to be in that order, and I have to be committed to it, in a very genuine, authentic way. It's not a casual exercise or a laissez faire kind of thing. It's real work, with clarity and focus. It's no different than trying to get a handle, and deal with, anything that I am struggling with.

As it relates to the world of "therapy" and "psychology" -- many people feel that some perpetual understanding or "analyzing" the actual cause, the root issue, etc., and going back to childhood, LOL, and the like, gives them the answer or some advantage of dealing with it faster, quicker, getting through it faster/quicker, and so on. In reality, if you look at the two schools, or disciplines of psychology, recovery, etc. -- one school is the "analytical" model, and the other is the "resolution" model. The former, has shown a person deals with the issue for X amount of time. The latter has shown a person deals with the issue for about 10% of X. That said, for me, it was always focusing on the solution -- and me, I want to be, and have to be, part of the solution...not part of the problem. If you are not the solution...then it's not your problem, LOL.

I make sure that I don't dwell or marinate in the problem. Awareness is easy. It's immediate. In my experience, acceptance is the phase people tend to breeze through; like they breeze through step one. While I go back to the basics -- I also spike up my meetings, readings, and phone calls. My sponsor will hear from me far more often during funk phases like this. What I've experienced in my quarter century of alanon and advanced adult education is that many people "cut bait" instead of actually "fishing" -- and until you fish, you don't get better. It takes work.

I was recently sitting with a good friend, a client, who is 20 years older than me. He is a super-successful person, professionally and personally. He has it all -- health, happiness, a great family, peace in his life, serenity, and so much more. We were sitting together at his home, enjoying a drink and a cigar. He started to tell me how he's been in a funk. He said it was "getting the better of him" and he was experiencing glimpses of being depressed. Nothing specifically was wrong, but he was saying it more an accumulation of little things, nuances, minutia type things that he was placing more stress and more weight on, more than he normally does. He was saying these things normally never bother him at all. He said he would normally never even think about these things for a minute. However, he started to tell me they've become prevalent. He started to cry. He went on to tell me that everything in his life is wonderful, but here he is crying about these things he would never normally think about. He said, he was just in a real funk. This can be very powerful. It can be debilitating. And, it can lead to more serious things. Thus, the solution must be dealt with in a serious way.

Be all of this as it may -- take what you like and leave the rest -- and I hope each passing minute, hour, and day, is better than the previous one. Do what you need to do -- and you and sponsor will know what is best -- and you will get better. All the best.

__________________

Bo

Keep coming back...

God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...

 

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