The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Itās extremely hot and humid in the area I live to the point that there are heat warnings issued by the weather networks. Itās been this way for over a week straight and Iāve finally got 2 days off work, yesterday and today, in which I had planned to do some major housework. Well yesterday came after working 5 days in a row in and out of this tremendous heat/humidity all day as my job is in community health care and I decided the housework could wait until today. Well today came and I still donāt have the motivation to get to it. Iāve done things that absolutely must be done of course like feed myself and my pets (thankfully my son is a young adult and on his own), but for the most part Iāve just lounged around the house yesterday and today as well. For awhile this morning the housework was nagging me but I finally said āhow important is it?!ā and I realized itās not that important right now, we arenāt going to have a major crisis because thereās some pet hair decorating the floors here and there, and the dust on the furniture isnāt to the point that I can carve our names in it, so Iām āputting first things firstā and in this situation that is me and my need to relax and rejuvenate from dealing with my often demanding stressful job those 5 days this past week in and out of the heat and humidity that really tired me and drained me physically. After I made this decision today another part of me said to myself āare you just using program slogans as an excuse to be lazy?ā then I said ānah!ā So these 2 days off work Iām being good to myself and putting my own needs first, not the needs of my house! Enjoying the coolness of the air conditioning and the comfort of my lazy boy chair/recliner. Let the dust fly!
Nice share here Flutterby... over here is is still freezing... but a spring day dawning- Wodensday... hmmm sometimes with newcomers... stressed and extremely anxious- it is good just to talk weather, pets, etc etc... leave the details til later...
...I sense that you are far beyond that- much of the time... but still it comes back to the old cliche: woik-life balance.
Y'all kin see- ah kin do a fake Noo Joisy accent! ...
ROFL.....that's way too funny! I can so relate - when I thought I needed to be a perfect wife, mother, daughter, parent, employee, etc. I kept a spotless house. I was always on time, I had myself aligned with all kinds of calendars, planners, tools, etc. When I got to recovery, and realized it was a facade and nobody is perfect, I began to 'let the dust fly'....
I too have some hair scattered around in places that I just smile at today. Love, love, love that I gave up being perfect and striving for the perfect life. Today, I am grateful to have the hair on the floor, the dust on the furniture and a genuine smile on my face....
First Things First - yep, one day at a time!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
For me...self-care runs deep and wide...whatever it might be. I've heard the mani/pedi thing, the massage thing, meditation, yoga, dancing, you name it.
SELF-CARE!
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Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
Firstly, I wanted to say Brava to you for not caving in to your little voice regarding the house, and recognizing your body and mind needed that break!! You are so right when you said that there won't be a major crisis because there is some loose pet hair! It is good to hear that you put yourself first. I have learned it is something we rarely do.
Now this next part is just about me, so take what you want and leave the rest LOL!
I have always had the thought that there are at LEAST 100 things more fun I could be doing than cleaning house. As a result, my house is never perfectly clean... despite being a perfectionist - odd huh? However, as I progressed in my disease with my husband's addictions, I found that that little voice that would beat me up b/c I was not perfect in this one area would be oh, so strong! It would cause me great anxiety and grief. It would build and build, until I just couldn't stand it anymore, and then there was a whirlwind of cleaning... and everyone look out! LOL! I would then go on a binge of everything needed to be in it's "place."
So reading you document your inner thoughts on cleaning the house hit home for me!
Through working with my sponsor, I found that the anxiety at having my house messy and then subsequent flurry of cleaning/putting things in their place, was my way of showing lack of control and then "fake" control of my situation with my AH!!! In other words, I really, really had to learn to accept I had NO CONTROL over others or the disease of addiction! It was a big AHA moment for me!
Now when I get those feelings in relation to housework/cleaning, I ask myself 2 questions... 1) Am I trying to control something? and 2) How important is it?
Thank you for sharing your ESH!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
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