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I love the show, "The Crown." I was binge watching last night, and I got to the final show of the first season. Long story short, it showed a confrontation between the Queen and His Royal Highness. She finally put it out there that she knew he was a philanderer (had proof), and had been for some time. His dialogue was full of denials, then blame shifting, rationalizations,and then he began gas-lighting her! I almost had to stop watching. Later that night I had a nightmare involving my Ex and some of the things he used to gaslight me with! It took me awhile to settle back down and go to sleep. I realize it's only a TV drama, but even today I was somewhat unsettled. I have come to find that I have a form of PTSD when it comes to the lying and gas-lighting - working on this with a therapist using "Tapping." Needless to say, I "tapped" a lot that night!
Has anyone else experienced this? If so, in what capacity and how did you deal with it?
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Posiesandpuppies-I have been triggered a few times by bossy, arrogant people, so even though you saw a TV show, it doesn't matter. After being traumatized, we can be triggered by lots of things including smells, sights, literally any reminder of our past abuse. What's important for me is recognizing my triggers and learning to cope so I can separate out what was then, what is now, and how Alanon has given me a multitude of tools so most of the time, I don't get triggered. ODAT and progress not perfection , Lyne
I Don't find it odd at all that you were triggered by such a show, There are So Many things that can Trigger Me back to the Adult Child Home, the Addict behaviors... I Remember Once I had went somewhere with one of my "Mental Abusers" and I Can tell you that day down to the Clothes I wore... For a Long time I Would Go thru my Closet looking for something to Wear, and I Always Bypassed this One Shirt, after I Realized what I Was doing... Here I Would Never Wear it due to the Memories of Its Last Outing... and Every time I Looked at that "Shirt" It brought it All Back... Needless to say, I Ditched the Shirt so as "That Memory" Couldn't be Thrown at me daily...
For me there are Some Shows I have to get up and Leave the Room if My Husband is watching them, He likes Crime shows, and Scary Movies (Not Horror) just scary... But Some Shows can Trigger me due to Rape... Its Something I know I will Never Forget or Get over, but my Program has Helped me Realize that I don't live there anymore... That Today... I'm Ok! And That is Why I Can Only Move One Day at a Time, because if I get to Far ahead of myself, those Triggers can Bring me down insanely fast...
Reminding Myself that in this Moment, I'm Ok & Safe, and Leaning on my HP and My Al-Anon Family when those things happen and Talking about them, Has truly been a Blessing in helping me Put them in my Rearview... Thanks for your Share...
I get triggered quite a bit by television shows and even books.
I'm reading a series of books right now where I swear the author has had nothing but negative experiences with women because all the women in his books are catty bullies, and seem to hate men. When I read his descriptions of how awful some of these women are behaving towards others and the men in the books I want to reach through and strangle them, OR, I want to read the man finally stick up for himself and put the woman in her place.
It's quite frustrating!
I know all movies, TV shows, books, etc. just pull from experience, so you can bet the people in your show have been subjected to that behavior in their lives in the past and use the show to powerfully send that message.
I'm starting to get more and more choosy with what I watch anymore - I used to enjoy sitcoms, for example, but anymore I find that what they think of as "humor" is really just really nasty sarcasm and gossip. That's not entertaining to me at all. So I don't watch sitcoms - haven't watched them in years, actually. In general I tend to stick with watching educational kind of shows like cooking shows or science, nature, history, and the like. I don't really even like watching competition game shows much because sometimes the people will get really nasty with each other. That's not entertaining to me at all.
I probably need to start being more choosy about my books, too!
Oh! And I've heard of tapping - I'm participating with a group right now that's got a lot of spiritual practice to it and they're encouraging checking out tapping. I haven't done it myself. I guess there's a guy on YouTube who has a ton of tapping videos you can check out and try.
-- Edited by Aloha on Thursday 30th of August 2018 09:06:34 AM
I certainly remember triggering -- for me it wasn't so much TV or books, as it was any type of advertising or paraphernalia around alcohol. Bottles, coasters, wine glasses, shot glasses -- cough medicine, too. Where I live, wine and liquor are sold in grocery stores, so I couldn't buy a loaf of bread without walking past the alcohol displays. And wow, did that make me angry. Especially the day I saw a big display of the same brand of wine that my AH had been hiding.
The good news is all that has faded away now -- after time in program, time for life situations to change, time to begin to grasp forgiveness. I can keep a bottle of wine in the house -- and for me it stays on the shelf gathering dust because I don't choose to drink very often.
I am selective about what I watch and read -- I'll turn off the show or close a book if it's taking me someplace I don't want to go. I have choices and will use them.
I thought it was kind of weird, b/c I do not have issues with alcohol (smell, sight, etc), I even have wine in my home, but I do choose carefully when to imbibe so that I don't trigger my Kid. I have no idea if it would trigger him, but I am assuming No, since he's with his young adult friends at parties and such. I am not even triggered by being around moderately drunk people - I think they are funny! So yea, I'll admit, I thought I was doing pretty good... LOL! Getting too cocky! LOL!
I guess for me, it is the lying and the gas-lighting. That feeling where you know the truth, or what you saw, but always getting the feedback that "you must be crazy." Then beginning to believe that "they" must be right, and maybe you ARE crazy! Maybe the trigger happened b/c it was within a marriage as well... trusting someone for years, thinking you could always depend on them to have your back so-to-speak, and then finding out you just can't, and they just don't.
The good thing is, I can just walk away!! Or change the TV channel!! I do not have to JADE to anyone! How freeing!
The Tapping really works for me, btw!! I had begun using it to relieve anxiety as I was coming up to take my state boards... worked for that too!
Peace everyone!
Today is going to be heating up and I am not happy about that! LOL! Praying for Autumn!
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
PnP - depending upon my own spiritual condition, many things can trigger me - not always to a full-blown crisis mode but certainly bring up past events, pain, trauma, etc. I have learned that watching Intervention when my sons are in recovery is OK, but when they're active or slipping down, not so much.
I have heard of tapping, but never tried it.....I am a huge believer/use in acupressure though and find it can work. The acupressure points for my upper back pain worked perfectly as well as some for stomach upset/pain. It does require some patience to use, so another chance for me to practice patience!!
Love that we learn in recovery we have choices. We got rained out/on at golf this morning - got 1.5 inches in less than 2 hours. I and my belongings are very wet but I'm grateful for an opportunity to be productive around here. We have heat returning + chances of storms almost all weekend long - I too am ready for fall!
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Wow! That's a ton of rain in a short time frame, Iamere!
I know what you mean about the show Intervention... I used to watch it quite a bit... I loved seeing the recovery. However, once the Alcohol use was "out in the open," my desire to even look at the program waned. LOL!
I love stormy weather, but the stuff the eastern part of the country is having is CRAZY!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
We all grumbled about getting wet and golf interrupted, but we all recognize that we badly need the rain (we've been in drought here) so just went home. Besides, since most of us golf every day, it's not the 'end of the world'.....
Stormy weather and clouds make napping much more appealing to me! And - that's what's next on my agenda because if the ground dries up, I play softball tonight!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
((((((((PnP)))))))))))))) your reaction was totally 100% NORMAL.... PTSD is when a sight, smell, sound, word, gesture, brings up old trauma, unresolved, and it feels like NOW when it is not..
the Amigdala (sp) part of the brain governs the flight or fight response, so it has to act "faster" so if a big black bear from the North woods comes at me, I am gonna get an adrenalin shot and run like hell..no thought, just RUN....the upper part of the brain, frontal lobes, etc., are the executive or higher functions of the brain..the reasoning part, which acts slower...so what I do when I feel that quicken heart beat or that sucking in of my breath or my body tensing, I first BREATH BREATH and FEEL the breath going in my body and in doing so, the upper parts/executive parts of my brain can "catch up" and I can reason things out...the breathing gives me time to notice...."oh yea, that was then, this is my NOW and my NOW won't put up with that xxx or that ooooo...I am safe now with me"
it has worked for me pretty good if I only can remember DONT react...Breathe then I can respond with loving self talk to me...actions that make me feel safe....acknowledging that that DID happen, but its NOT in my life anymore.....
I get totally triggerd when I see posts on facebook or other stuff about torture of children and animals....IF i can help the poor child/animal, I am ready to jump in and help...If I cannot help??? I avoid those kinds of pictures, videos because what is the point??? i can't do anything so I avoid....in that case it is reasonable to avoid certain triggers....
I get absolutely nauseated, almost (no where near as bad now as I set a boundary and most often, remove me from the offender) wanting to vomit when lewd and crude sexual remarks are made to me....I have to BREATHE first so as not to jump on their head and stomp their brains out, so when I breathe an calm down (both parts of brain in sync) I tell them (depending on who they are) that that kind of talk is not acceptable to me and if you want to stay friends---DO NOT talk to me that way....if it is stranger, i walk away..no words...no nothing...I am GONE and that is all from my offender making lewd and crude /sexual remarks about my body to me...He talked to me like I was a whore, not his daughter...so I hate those remarks...but there again...I BREATHE.....let myself settle...calm down....notice where I am at and that I am safe now, I can take care of me now, I can disallow this from happening to me....the beast is gone...."ding dong the witch is dead" sort of self talk....it works for me
so, my friend, you are just feeling the aftermath of your trauma and working the program as hard as you are and blossoming as nicely as you are, I have all the faith that you can overcome this too......it will take time...It took a while for him to mess you up...it will take time for you to "unmess" you up via this programme....................HUGS and more hugs
OH and I forgot!!!! I read something about tapping...simple practices like crossing yoru arms over your chest and you tap the shoulder with the , i.e., r. hand will tap the left shoulder, and vice versa...what it does is it stimulates both sides of the brain, hence creating harmony in the brain and you talk to yourself, like for me, I say stuff like "yes you poor girl, having to put up with all that wicked abuse from a wicked individual, but its over now, and we are safe now and I am gonna always protect you and here we are...safe...." or words to that affect, acknowledging, validating and affirming that I am safe now and while I am tapping, I visualize myself in the arms of my beloved aunt Harriett or my Mom Godfrey (may they both rest in peace) and I visualize myself being hugged and held by these 2 queens in my life, my safe place was in their arms and I see me there...adn I am tapping away on me...........it has calmed me down.....dunno if my method is correct, but it works for me, LOL.......so why not give it a try???? it may or may not work, but I know that ACTING as if I am SAFE----NOW....will work as my mind, subconscious mind WILL "buy into" what I feed it....
I've also used tapping with arms crossed and tapping the opposite shoulder. It was shown to my by a therapist, and it works for me. Very simple, calming, and no special equipment needed.
I dream often, some are pleasant, some not so much. Often I can identify the trigger. It can be something from a movie I watched, show or something I read that day, even something that someone said. I've realized when it's something unsettling, I can usually attach it to something I haven't resolved. My dreams are pretty straight forward, not so difficult to figure out.
I tend to like lighthearted fun movies and shows because I'm looking to be entertained not emotionally wrung out by drama. I've had my own tyvm. Thanks to Alanon I've created a good amount of space between myself and those in real life with drama seeking behaviors.
I won't watch certain types of movies because I find them upsetting. I often steer clear of movie re-enactments of actual tragic events. There is one that got global attention. Since I was there, that is a definite trigger for me.
I have tried at times to share my experience but I can just share so much before needing to say something like "That was a very sad time for us all, so I would prefer to not keep talking about it if you don't mind."
At times, I can sit through documentaries about such events because real footage and interviews inform which can be important. Movies made for the big screen with well known actors can sometimes sensationalize things, compromising dignity and losing perspective of reality. So in those instances, I typically choose to just retain my "real" memories and not watch.
In my life, when I say where I am from I am inevidently asked "Were you there when .." I often have to draw a boundary around the discussion.
It's a bit like expecting realistic understanding of alcoholism from people who haven't lived with it. People tend to innocently and curiously say things that are upsetting and that bring about a feeling of aloneness in me. Of course, if you haven't actually experienced something you're not going to understand it on the same level as someone who has experienced it.
My life is happy, joyous and free today. I like it that way. I pay close attention to what I let into my consciousness if at all possible. If it doesn't feel safe for me emotionally, I don't force it, suck it up or "should" on myself. In other words, I don't say oh it's been a long time, the icky feeling you're feeling will pass in another minute just stick it out. There's no need for that. Let others enjoy a movie or show if it doesn't trigger something in them but I can enjoy something instead that feels good for me. Everybody's got their stuff and this is not a compare and despair thing. It is for me a self love thing. Suffering through something is optional. I'll take serenity over that any day.
I realize sometimes I can be manipulated by these shows, movies etc. because the story turns to something unexpected. In those cases, it's a crummy feeling to be affected by it but thankfully with the help of my higher power the moment, the nightmare is just a passing thing. Thank you for the topic and your share (((puppiesandposies))) You are definitely not alone concerning emotional triggers. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Thank you, Rose, for your keen insight! Taking that breath... it is more important than I realized!! As for the tapping, I already do it. The funny thing is, after each "session" I am to take a large breath in, and slowly release it... again, the breathing! Thank you for chiming in here... I usually get great ESH from you, so happy to see your post!
Tired - I understand what you are round about posting about, and it must be hard at times. However, you seem to know yourself well, and are able to verbalize what you need in those instances! It is good to read that your life is happy today! I really like your share of "... I don't force it, suck it up, or "should" myself." Really, really love this!
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Songs trigger me more than words or screens; also smells. That song, chasing cars by snow patrol. still cant listen to it all the way without crying from the depths of my being. yet, macabrely, I will attempt to every time it randomly appears in my life. ( I am tempted to google it right now just to see if....but I won't). The worst relationship I ever had took some years to get over but now it is like it happened to a different person. Time I guess as cliche as it sounds is a great healer. Thanks for the thread.
a4l - oh yea, I can so relate... there are a few songs that I can't even listen to. Interestingly enough, my Kid seems to know which they are and will automatically change the car radio for me! LOL!
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
I found my boys to be especially sensitive to those mum things. Daughters are beautiful too but how I miss those sweet son moments of unspoken thoughtfulness. Nice memory.
Yes .. tv shows even movies have done me in there are some things I just can't watch because I feel unsafe. Kind of like a Champaign bottle cork waiting to blow in those moments. It's not as bad as it used to be however it takes time to recovery from trauma. Living with the affects of addiction is traumatic .. I don't care how it's colored .. trauma is trauma.
The news .. listening to specific politicians speak sets me off too .. I have had to pick and choose what I watch and I can't watch news briefings .. sooo much dysfunction junction going on .. blah.
I hope you are well my friend and enjoy the nice long weekend. :)
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I had to LOL at your "dysfunction junction" comment! Now I have that old School House Rock song in my head! LOL!
I hope you and your family have a wonderfully long weekend full of fun and laughter too!!
Peace, friend!
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thanks PnP for the topic and for all the ESH shared. I really appreciate reading what everyone had to say on this. Brought me to tears actually because I saw just now how absolutely blunted my feelings had been for years. I let my ex walk all over me, I LET him, and so I watched terrible horror movies with him sometimes and often whatever else he wanted (me) to do. Ahh. Thank God it is not my life anymore. These days the music I listen to is usually pretty peaceful and positive, I used to be a rock music fan, but I find that most days its too agressive for me, besides its often about resistance... I have done so much of that I'd rather surrender more... Similar about books or TV shows. I wonder what I'll feel about Game of Thrones when it comes back. No idea.
I have to admit I laughed out loud at Dysfunction Junction and also had the song of days gone by floating into my brain....ha! I am one who still believes strongly in the three A(s) - Awareness, Acceptance, Action.
I very recently realized that some of the mannerisms of my oldest child trigger me. It took me some time to be able to formulate my words to share with him and set a new boundary as I needed it to be about me and not about him/blame. Finally, with help from my sponsor, I was able to have a conversation with him about it. I also asked him for confirmation that he was hearing me and not only did I get that, he suggested he would try better in the future. This is all I ever want - an effort - progress always, not perfection.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
