The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have an older brother who abused me in many ways, but causing me fear was his specialty from childhood into teen years. No one protected me and in many ways I feel similar to ACOA's.
He is in the hospital having two heart valves repaired, one for the second time and the other one for the first time. He is not my favorite person but my sister keeps me posted on his recovery. He is going through so much and I have a huge amount of compassion for him. I never thought I could feel empathy or anything for him, but I do. And it's from my participation in program. My sponsor especially has spoken to me many times about treating others with respect and compassion. I'm glad she has rubbed off on me! I appreciate the ability to have positive feelings for my brother whom many would say doesn't deserve it. I've even asked HP to help him through this and come home soon. Grateful member, Lyne
Beautiful Share Lyne--- prayers and positive thoughts for you and your brother. It appears you have worked hard to let go of the pain from the past and embrace the present moment. Good work
It is so easy for us as humans to stay stuck in negative behaviors/thoughts. For you to write what you have about your brother shows that you are really living and breathing this program's ideals! It looks so good on you!
Wishing you peace today, Lyne!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you for sharing your experience. I, too, am grateful for how Al-Anon lead me to a place of compassion, especially for those whom I would otherwise have every reason to scorn.
What a great share Lyne, and a great reminder of how powerful our program can be....
Your post reminds me of the great "Anyway" poem, (sometimes credited to Mother Teresa, other times not.... I read one story that it was on the wall of her room, but was not written by her).
Great stuff!
Tom
Mother Teresa's Anyway Poem
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered; Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God; It was never between you and them anyway.
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Those words remind me how much weight and worth I used to put on other people's opinions of me, or what their behaviors may or may not do.
A long time ago, a friend posted something in a similar vein on facebook - it was in response to some quote that was floating around that said "Don't cross oceans for someone who wouldn't jump over a puddle for you."
The response was:
Do it. Cross oceans for people. Love people. All people. No conditions attached. No wondering whether or not they're worthy. Cross oceans. Climb mountains. Life and Love isn't about what you gain, it's about what you GIVE.
-- Edited by Aloha on Tuesday 28th of August 2018 11:26:07 AM
(((Lyne))) - love this share - shows me the miracle that is recovery in action. Thank you for posting and I too am sending prayers for you, your brother and family.
I too love what you shared Tom and it so reminds me of the prayer of St. Francis. Part of my morning routine is too consider each of the 'elements' of that prayer and consider how I can be of service to others.
It has taken me a lifetime it feels to realize I am way richer when I am giving than when I am receiving. Unconditional acceptance and unconditional love are promises I've received when I've been able to embrace forgiveness for the past and let go!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you for sharing how you are processing your feelings concerning your brother. One of the most wonderful things about Alanon is that it makes no distinction concerning feelings. The Alanon program reminds us that our feelings are neither good nor bad. I found this to be so freeing. Without labels attached to feelings, we can face them, honestly inventory them, seek balance and serenity. Letting go is a process as is compassionate forgiveness. Thankfully, we can place such things in the hands of our own higher power who will help us to parse through and hold onto what we need for today, this day only.
My experience has been some situations, some people, some environments bring about surprising emotions. It's a gift to be able to share such feelings with people in recovery and my higher power.
You and your brother are in my prayers for health and healing. (((hugs))) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Thanks to all of you who responded. I feel like I have had a huge hug from my MIP family. I am smiling! And my brother came home from the hospital last night. I will visit him when he is up to it. Love you guys and gals, Lyne
Lyne - awesome news that your brother came home! Sending you and family continued prayers for healing. (((Hugs))) - love you too!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
