The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading is about applying the tools we are given in a way that is helpful to our situation. The writer explains that there was a job he/she was not happy with at all; day after day they did the job, relying on Just for Today to get through it. After some time the realization hit that rather than getting through the difficulty of the situation, the writer was actually committing to staying in something that was not a good fit at all. After some time and soul searching, the writer realized that the true obstacle was fear of change. By practicing the serenity prayer the writer was able to leave the job that was so draining and move on to something that was healthier.
This reading is a reminder for me of how it can happen that someone can stay in a situation that is certainly not a positive one, simply because it is more difficult to envision what change may bring, or be fearful of it. It does take courage to make changes in our lives, it takes self examination to see what we are able to change and what circumstances we do not have control over. I am grateful that there are tools within the program and support here that have helped me wade through fears I have had along the way and make changes in my life.
Good Morning Mary Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this thought provoking message. I know that prior to program my decision making skills and tools were defective so that when faced with a challenging situation, i immediately envisioned myself as being "right , a victim and entitled.
Thanks to meetings, program tools such as the Steps, slogans, detachment and acceptance. I learned to look objectively at my behavior . see my part in a difficult situation, own it gracefully and change when necessary.
Alanon does not advocate leaving a painful situation but does provide the tools that I needed to make that decision.
Thanks for your service and ESH, Mary, and thanks for your ESH too, Betty. I second Betty about me mostly going about life feeling right, a victim and entitled for most of my life. I am learning to really apply the tools of this program pretty slowly, but it does happen gradually more and more. This program involves an overhaul of my thinking and way of life, of me, so I suppose the slow pace is just what is needed. If not for my utter desperation and overall nuttiness I would never have come to Al-Anon, but now I'm so grateful I did.
Thanks Mary and for the above shares. Fear of change is a big element to look at, and how and when to make changes can feel overwhelming. I appreciate the message today and lately have been thinking about the Serenity prayer and how that applies to my current situation. I just have to keep on keeping on ODAT, Lyne
Thank you, Mary, for your service and to all who shared above.
This is always a good reminder for me b/c I felt I was stuck for so long... accepting unacceptable behavior. All b/c of fear. It took me awhile (and Al-Anon) to understand that I don't have to accept that, and then even longer to overcome my fear of change.
As I delve deeper into myself and why I do things, I find that the most resistance comes when there is a fear - many times hidden. It can take patience with myself to peel back the layers to find that fear sometimes.
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Happy Sunday MIP! Thank you Mary for the daily, your service and your ESH. Thanks to all above me also for your shares and ESH. I too lacked logical, pragmatic decision making prior to Al-Anon recovery. I lived to be right and certainly had a victim hat - more than one, in many colors...
In Al-Anon, I came to see me and my ways as unhealthy. I am better able today to see the facts from my mind's fantasy-land, and make decisions that are forward facing and healthy. I am also full of awareness and acceptance that I and others are imperfect yet doing our best, one day at a time.
I do not consider decisions made in recovery as 'right/wrong' or 'good/bad'....I see them as opportunities to practice what I've learned and growing. What I also was told in recovery is that if I make a decision, and it's not working out, I can make another! Freedom from the bondage of 'self' comes to mind.
I am very aware that fear kept me stuck for many years and am determined to use my HP and recovery to not get/be stuck any more. Life is too short and I enjoy serenity, joy and hope for the future way too much to sit/spin too long. (((Hugs))) to all - it's very hot today and I'm chilling....enjoy your day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I am retired now and work part time. My boss on my mountain job has retired. I have a younger manager. I have the know-how and I hope to get off to a good start- when the snow clears. Apart from that my old boss was a great person- but well past his use by date. Made lots of promises- but did not keep them. On the same score- I need to know when it so my time to move on. Two or three more years, perhaps?
I crashed and burned at my last full-time job. I lost respect for my manager when he got drunk and abused his partner. Many small things added up to make the job impossible. I had to compete with young migrant workers- for speed- and I was getting older and older.
The same principle- about getting out- applies to relationships sometimes. I think about this every three years or so... a review of my circumstances.... The phrase I always use is- 'I'll give it my best shot". This has worked out- so far... ...
Thanks Mary, and y'all...
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