The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After reading "The Lois Wilson" book, I have concluded I have never put and consequence's in to my relationship with my A. In the past I have seen my A start AA over and over. At times it seems it maybe becuase my A thought the situation was coming to a head. Now in my heart I know I cannot physically, emotionally or spiritually have a relationship without my A being sober, and honest. Has anyone ever reached the point when everyone one gives up on you because they have seen you go through it over and over again, and you did nothing but let it destory you more and more? Have I reached my rock bottom?
Hello Jewel , well for your sake I hope u have reached your bottom , now there is no where to go but up !! and that is good news believe it or not. I don't know if your attending f2f Al-Anon meetings for yourself but i hope u consider doing that for a few months before making a life altering decission . such as leaving a marriage.
Thanks to the program and the new attitude i aquired here I was able to stay in my marriage with my husb still drinking and actually got my life back on track and was happy regardless of what he was doing. I didn't believe that was possible but it is using this program. When I was able to detach emotonally from what was going on and stop taking his drinking personally I got myself back . He continued to drink for 2 yrs after I arrived here but our reltionship did improve.
We have 16 yrs sobriety in our home now and I have never been sorry i stayed . Could n ot have done it with out this program and the friends I made here who shared how they got thru some of the stuff I was going thru. Once settled in alanon u never have to go thru anything alone again . good or bad . Today alone is a choice for me . I learned I have choices here and I chose to get well regardless of what he did. I'ts not easy when Your the only one trying to recover but with help it is possible . good luck Louise
here is the toll free number for info on meetings in your area 1-888-4alanon please call it will change your life . there isn't anything ucan do about him but alot u can do for yourself.
You asked if we had ever reached the point where everyone has given up on you? they simply don't understand what your going thru , ignore their comments and one great way to stop them giving u advice is not to tell them what is going on in your relationship. talk to al anon people they do truly understand. and never judge. What is important is that YOU never give up on YOU ((((((hugs))))))
Welcome to MIP. It's a wonderful safe website to come and work out your situations with our "a's". I have imposed my will on my "a" at least four times in four years of our relationship. He'd go to the meetings, but I realized and so did he he was not doing it for himself he was doing it for me. We had recently separated because I had become so angry and resentful at his drinking and the behaviors that go along with it that I threw him out and he stayed out for six weeks. Through that time he engaged in another relationship, and has since broken that off and returned to the home. I returned to me with the help of this program. While he was gone I realized all the manipulating and controlling I did in his life. I gave up my dreams, my thoughts, my joy to worry about this person who didn't think about himself half as much as I did.
When he came back into the home I did not request he stop drinking this time. My family and friends were shocked that I even took him back. They have grown tired and weary of the "a's" promises that he doesn't keep. I explained to them that it was my choice to continue this relationship, because despite him having an addiction to alcohol I love him dearly and we have had some really wonderful special times. I have learned to detach with love and learning to keep my mouth shut when he doesn't agree with me or see things my way. I am learning to take care of myself and be happy regardless of what he is doing. The boundaries I set were more about respect that I command for myself and anyone else who will be apart of my life. The last two weeks have been better than even in the beginning of our relationship. ( some minor setbacks) but still giving myself the chance to heal and grow. This program will help to set yourself free from the bondages of his addictions. I am really understanding that the addiction has affected me but it is not mine to fix it's his problem to fix.
Keep coming back and keep posting. You will be surrounded by lots of support and love here.
Hugs to you,
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
I know things look bleak right now, but with Alanon you will learn how to live you life with joy and happiness, whether you stay or go. I have heard it recommended, though, not to make any big life decisions in the first 6 months in program, to make sure you can make such a big decision with a clear head. There is no shame in either decision. Best wishes!
Thank you. I was reading something someone else posted here about how we become "comfortable" when our A's are in AA and working it and how scary it is when they stop. It almost becomes a ritual of checking thing's off in your head, what will be next and how bad will it be this time.
This is exactly where I am at, a year ago I was strong, living for my good will. I became quitecomfortable (because I was happy). I now feel it's like starting all over to get that strength back. I feel worn down by going through it so many times. And now after more than 15 year's the pattern's have become so obvious. Don't get me wrong, I love this man, I love who his when he is sober, honest, and working the program. I don't like who I am when he is not, because he wares down my self-esteem with verbal manipulation and attacks. I understand it's because he does not like himself but good-lord they can be quite crafty.
I apreciate your advise and will get to a meeting. Thank you so much for letting me share this.
In the past I have seen my A start AA over and over. At times it seems it maybe becuase my A thought the situation was coming to a head. Now in my heart I know I cannot physically, emotionally or spiritually have a relationship without my A being sober, and honest. Has anyone ever reached the point when everyone one gives up on you because they have seen you go through it over and over again, and you did nothing but let it destory you more and more? Have I reached my rock bottom?