The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As I've shared before regarding my AF, she's been doing great. I'm thankful for this. She's going to meetings, nightwatch etc. BUT. Big but.......the past few days her attitude is in relapse mode. The old trying to control and resentments where she works and here are back...........and.............she's jealous of me. I have to seriously think on this one. I am grateful for each day but with the health junk I deal with I don't see how anyone can be jealous. Even with that being said it's a very uncomfortable feeling. Any other time I've had a "friend" jealous of me.... it followed by a stab in the back. As well as she's been doing I still can't trust her. You know........that deep down uncomfortable feeling you get that says be careful......things are not always as they appear....I know I'm not the only one. My AH used to be a psychotherapist. I asked him if he still picked up on this. Yep. I could deal with that part of it but not the relapse part. I need to really do some work on me in this area. It's triggering some really bad emotions and I never want to visit where I was again before this program for long.
Sooooooooooooooooo............I am not reacting but the stress level is reacting inside the past 2 days. I am on edge and I don't like it. I am praying for her. Keeping my boundaries and something is really off in my thinking because I am still stressed and no peace over it all. I pray she gets an aha moment in a meeting but I also know she's not open with her sponsor due to some plans she's making and hasn't shared them with her. I know, not my biz, I am my biz. And, I do feel a sadness for her too. I know if she's not open with her sponsor, she's missing out on the healing of the steps. A dry drunk relapse or an alcohol relapse......has not gone well here.....I need an aha moment!
I think sometimes peace comes after we've made the decision to go through something uncomfortable. Just because you don't feel it, doesn't mean you're making the wrong decision. Keep doing you and keep staying strong in your program. I truly know how hard it is to stay on our own side of the street. I get triggered all the time, it's what do we do with it after that counts, right?
I had a sponsor once who always said to me,"Calm down, take a breath. Now, just do the next right thing. If that means you do the dishes, then do them. If that means, go for a walk, then do that. Just do the next right thing. Period." I would get so wound up in my head and focusing on the alcoholic that my head was spinning. So, that's what I'll say to you, "What's the next right thing you can do?" Hugs!
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you all for your encouragement. I had a really bad day when I realized how much it was effecting me. It's not that I don't want it to go away, it's the challenge of letting it go. You nailed it with the decision to do something uncomfortable Andromeda. It is the fear of having to do something uncomfortable if it doesn't change! I will do the next right thing in my life, like the dishes and house with my mom coming lol!.......and keep praying for her. It is uncomfortable being around anyone who resents or is jealous of you. That sort of broadsided me out of nowhere. It was just so obvious........and it's sad for her too. In the past I've had an experience with jealousy and I have to say it's a horrific feeling to have.
Hugs everyone and my day is going into high gear for moms visit. It'll be a good one! And............thank you again. I'm smiling as I see this program in action.
Tude - you have everything within you to "survive" the mom-visit! LOL! Just remember to breathe and keep your slogans at the ready!
Doing the "Next Right Thing" worked for me too!
Peace
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you P&P! What a great thing to sit down for a break and read. It is not real bright to do a self clean on the oven when the temps outside are high LOL. And of course in high gear cleaning the house. Thank you and HUGS!
