The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
and so I suggested to my grandson that he could sit with me for an hour and "just listen" while a meeting was attended by about 40 recovering alcoholic friends and family..just listen. He came a bit delayed with my eldest son, his father and so 3 generations sat quietly and listened. I only know what I heard as a double member of 12step recovery. I did share and included nothing about what has been happening in our family and told him and my son I would not mention anything that included "us". We sat and listened and as often as not the meeting took the Al-Anon twist. AA at the Bay ...both the Saturday and Sunday versions was founded by "doubles" of which I was one and still attend. We don't only speak to our drinking and/or drugging addictions, we include affects on/to the family and how we are changing the things we can.
We listened, 3 generations on one bench sitting with other generations of those not genetically connected. There was a chance that my grand-son would speak out as he has the spirit. He announced himself as an alcoholic/addict attending his first meeting sitting next to his grandfather and that what he had heard in the fellowship moved and encouraged him to see help. I know for me my own words when I first arrived. I know what my thoughts were and I know I was absolutely defiant that the programs were not for me or where I wanted to be. I was there because I was married to an alcoholic addict maybe and not because I was one. I brought my defiance and rage and trifled with my wife's recovery. Of course she went back out and I was justified that the program didn't work and left again and then again.
He spoke clearly and convincingly. He has a wife and three of the passel great grand children which my wife and I adore. She is also addicted and beautiful...hmmmm beautifully addicted and then having trouble with the consequences of alcoholism and addiction. God I am holding my breath against the thought of additional victims of this disease from my family of origin...generation after generation caught in the insanity.
My son and grandson are at the mental health facility visiting their daughter and sister who just recently as a victim of our disease attempted to end her life all alone in a closet hanging by a rope (I need to say that and see it) she and her sister-in-law are close, they love each other strongly and share the powerlessness of our disease. I will not go see my grand-daughter with the rest of the family this evening. I will stay with my Higher Power wrapped in its embrace not ashamed of how tired and fearful I am. Mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually I'm done and I have learned from elders in our recovery to just let go and let the God of my understanding sit with me and abide with me till I am directed to be where HP needs me to be.
Although I had asked him to "just listen" I am affected by his courage to change the things he can. The mission(?) continues the marks on her neck drive my hope and imagination...she isn't married to an alcoholic ...like me she was born and raise into this insanity.
Have any extra prayers unsent? I can use them and will keep you all up to date on how they have worked. Mahalo for your loeve and understanding. (((((HUGS)))))
(((((((((((((((((((Jerry)))))))))))))))))))) You always have my prayers.....I'm glad he went and you all were TOGETHER at the meet....(could be worse..they could NOT have attended) but I am sad that this friggin disease impacts a family through generations....
My mother: raging alcoholic
Siblings: Drug/alcohol addicts...NONE in recovery...Me the CoDa is the only one in program
the children of my siblings and my 1 daughter (coceine/meth addict, went to program, not active in it anymore, but sober) and my younger daughter a CoDa like me, working program via literature and sharing with mama and doing well....
older daughter's daughter, a hate filled, alcoholic, in meetings but OH so HATEFUL...She hates me..Can't stand me because I don't take her crap and put up with her anger outbursts/abusive/abrasive behavior....but yea, she is horrid
HER oldest child is a people pleaser at age 5, scared to "piss mom off" so she over does it in the chores, taking care of younger sibling who cries a lot, but poor little "B" , is a CoDa in the making.....
nieces son is a drug addict, I think Methamphetamine is his thing..Hes one scary little dude...
so yea, I heard my gramma was a "closet drinker" sipping wine to "calm her nerves" she was functional, but very remote and extremely cold...good woman, but absolutely cold as ice...and she drank a lot of wine on the sly....so yea this disease has ravaged my family, too, some are working program, (very few) the rest are either active or dry w/out a program.....
sending you HEAPS of positive energy and peace energy and encouragement energy........
Sending those prayers also Jerry F. Get some good rest. Thank you for the example of not being ashamed to be tired and fearful. Sometimes we get tired and scared. Rest and re-connection to source.....wise truth.
Sending prayers, light & love to you and your family, Jerry.
Your share of all the generations sitting on the bench, listening to the ESH of others... such a powerful image! I feel remorse that your family is so affected by this disease, yet at the same time filled with hope that all three were there trying to gain some understanding of themselves, trying to attain/maintain freedom from this disease. I personally think that you are blessed to have such a combination meeting.
Even though you are "done," I hear that you are taking the necessary moments for you... to gather your strength... so that you may be strong for your grand-daughter. I know you know what to do... you are by my definition, one of the "wise-ones." But I am glad that you are taking care of your emotional health right now.
Namaste, Jerry!
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Hugs Jerry. I also have the image of 3 generations together in a meeting. WOW. You have so much on your plate right now. OMG. I'm adding you to my morning prayer list and all the light and love will hopefully help you through this very trying time. Lyne
(((Brother))) - my love, light, thoughts and prayers have continued. Your share is awesomely raw, honest, miraculous and terrifying all in one. Very much like this disease we are affected by - directly and indirectly. I love, love, love the visual of 3 generations in a recovery meeting. Side by side, listening intently and the youngest finds his courage to share with fellowship unknown to him - miracle and so, so telling of how recovery works in us even when we resist.
We've shared before how similar our back stories are - also born into the disease. I arrived first on the other side, only to follow to this side because of this disease in my own offspring. In spite of my own recovery and attempted acceptance of the disease concept, I am not sure I really 'got it' until I watched both of my boys become different humans as a result of their own addiction. At the same time, my mother who's father was an alcoholic, followed in his foot steps of becoming best friends with alcohol after we all grew up and moved on with our lives. I found out last night that she's now terminal with Stage 4 kidney disease and am working to accept that, wrap my mind around it and let God lead me to where I need to be.
Nobody is immune from this disease - age, stage, profession, knowledge, will power, education - it just does not discriminate. I thank God each day for all the recovery groups and people as without those who came before me, there would be no chance of changing how it runs downhill, generation after generation. I applaud your choice to hang with HP for strength, courage and guidance instead of joining the family for the hospital visit. Good on you for the self-care choice. Know that all of your family are held in my heart and hands with each prayer each day and may healing happen across the board!
(((Hugs))) - your little charm...
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Mahalo Ladies of MIP...did I ever relate that is was the women of recovery that initially saved my butt over the first 9 years of recovery that has made me do God grateful because there were not very many men in recovery in my area and almost all of us were sanity deficient. After all our grace came thru the effort of HP it's angels. I am still in awe...still. I am sure David will somewhat agree with it also. My granddaughter is better as she is attended to by hospital professionals and family. She shouldn't be here though by the grace of HP and all else she is. She was actually in the trauma two weeks longer than I knew.
I will see her today and give up more control before getting there. My HP who is with me now will go with me then and keep me still and available if and when I am needed as HP requires. I am grateful for the years as a therapist so I won't be in the dark. She has got "ka mana" the spirit to listen and grow and get better which she will need going on. There are two male children to continue being a part of this family ...little guys, and the big guy who is husband and has had his mind, mood and spirit terribly smashed for a while and we will stand with him also. He is tall, dark and handsome and more powerless than those of us who have lived in the disease for a longer period of time...life.
My grandson, her brother fled the islands for the u.s. to separate himself from this insanity and is close to his sister who he has mentored as best he could while the same disease ate at his life just as it did with and to me...exactly as it did to me. Let's see what that touch and "reach into" the program does for him.
Thank you all so much for abiding with me thru this trauma. I am sure this is what John had in vision when he started this site and family...truly a Miracle in Progress. It is truly what HP had in vision also.
Prayers and hugs Jerry. Suicide, even the attempts are so scary. It's crazy how i can see Bills story and the Big Book run down my family lines. It just doesn't sleep.
Oh boy, Jerry. You have some powerful recovery and I think it's certain that you've helped spread it out to the world. May your family immerse themselves in it too.
So glad to hear she's got her fighting spirit Jerry. So glad to hear you're taking HP with you. Continued love and light for your journey and for your family. (((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Mahalo for the grace Mattie and Tude. I took the chance and went to see her this early afternoon and walked into a ladies day out....lots of smiles and foreign language. How do you girls get to talk like that...WAY over my head. I got it that she wants to and is planning to leave the facility today...for home...Letting go and Letting God...I am not her therapist or anyone elses. I unsettled my son an alcoholic/addict in this family this morning in front of his step father who left. I was on his property and forgot to respect that. Amends to come. Son is and will be defensive. It is normal and natural I have learned and I didn't intend it but there it is again. He is defensive when I am practicing self righteousness, My forgetter is in good condition. Recovery continues. I shall leave my fears and concerns with my sponsor, the program and HP. Mahalo ((((hugs))))
Jerry.... for what its worth, we are no different than the A's in our lives, and we can and should be judged more by our behaviors than our words.... For my money, your 'behavior' here is spot on, and is the way that you would have wanted to be treated if you were in your grandson's shoes (and hey, you WERE in his shoes a few short decades ago). What a family blessing it is, for you to be so solid in your recovery, that you can "live" recovery and model it for all of them to see, rather than "talk a good story".
This is one of the reasons I most admire you, my friend. I know we are all much more self-critical than we are to others around us, but I often feel that I am guilty of doing the whole "do as I say, not as I do" approach, whereas you ARE recovery, and it is reflected in your thoughts, beliefs, and actions......
Great stuff, as usual
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
nice to see at least one of your family taking the first step- and hearing.your reflections.
I continue to seek solutions... this strategy has gotten me this far... solutions keep getting closer and closer to home... and therefore much easier to practise...
being in the moment- away from the rage and terror... is a great help.
And taking time to share- thanks for the opportunity, my friend. ...
I am relying on the prayers...all of them and all of the conversations I am having with HP...listening and speaking. Do I have hope? Yes I do while trying to sound and act real. The real reality is this is generations within two very alcoholic families intertwined with years in the practice of the disease. I won't even describe the players including the great grandchildren and more.
The most important relative is HP...yes my HP has told me "I am your father" once I was questioning the presences of the other men in my life and HP convinced me that HP was the father of all involved. I find the confidence right now to include my grand children and great grand children and my children and children in law. Mercy...God do we all need Mercy?
Mahalo for the prayers...prayers are going back to you all so that we continue to earn and get Miracles in Progress. (((((hugs)))))
...