The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Humor: The writer described her ability to have a sense of humor nothing short of miraculous. In early recovery she couldn't smile and had resentment towards anyone who did. Over time though, she surprised herself by being able to laugh at something she earlier found rather traumatic. Finding a sense of humor showed her that she could see life in a more realistic way, and that she was no longer a victim full of self-pity. She could take her life more lightly, and even allow joy.
Today's Reminder: If I take a step back and look at this day as if I were watching a movie, I am sure to find at least a moment where I can enjoy some comic relief.
Quote by Ethel Barrymore: You grow up the day you have the first real laugh--at yourself.
I easily relate to this writing as I think my face used to be frozen in a blank stare. Everything felt so serious. I never smiled or laughed as I didn't see any reason to smile or laugh. I was frozen in misery for many years. Things slowly changed as the years went on, but these last 5 years in Alanon have made a huge difference. I can laugh at myself and love myself at the same time. This has been quite an accomplishment ! Lyne
Good Morning Lyne What a great topic Looking for he joy in life, using alanon tools of living one day at a time without projecting to the future or wallowing in the pain of the past took a great deal of effort on my part but now that i have embraced these principles my life filled with joy and humor continues to allow me the joy of living
Thanks for your service
It used to anger me some- that it took me most of my life to break free... and, well I had to grieve for this- tears being the other side of laughter.
(((((((((((((((((((David))))))))))))) I am with you on this one.....I was sooo angry and resentful that it took most of my life...first the trauma, then the mental/emotional wounds that crippled me, then the deeeep recovery that I had to go through it to GET through it....I didn't think I would ever be out of pain of some kind or the other, but this was productive pain....now when I emotionally "cough" I get something up and out...one more glob of mental/emotional infection out of me...and oh yea, the first time I cried, i dehydrated myself...I could not go to work...my kidneys were even dry, i had to drink and sip water over a gallon spread out to rehydrate the massive water loss...I never experienced anything like it before or since, thankfully...I had to lie in bed all day, sipping water and gator aide to be able to walk steady......I'll never forget it....It scared me so much, i almost dropped out of recovery because I could not go another round of THAT grief, noooo waaaaay, but I persevered...the crying got less intense, less draining, less dehydrating as the cycles of grief processed themselves....I'll never forget it as long as I live...the soul killing pain i felt...now I just want to cast the burdens of hate/resentment/ off of me and release ME from all that darkness....I see it happening.....they exist less and less for me.....a niece who could care less about me, pm'd me on facebook..not a phone call...oh no!! too much trouble for her....she can call everyone else, but never me...anyway, she wanted me to pm her this long description of her grandparents and I pm'd her back and said "those people no longer exist for me..I cast them away from me and away from me they shall remain....contact one of your uncles, perhaps they can be of help because I can not" i just left it at that...IF i have to go through a memory, I have to review it, feel the appropriate feelings for me, but I don't care to and shall not re-absorb all that pain....I deal and move on.......
but what is so odd, is that I always had a sense of humour...Its like that may be the ONE thing they didn't destroy in me....IF I could not make fun of life, I think I would have gone mad...of course I was partying with my friends a lot but even not partying and drinking, I always had a sense of humour.....weird, but so true....maybe it saved me in some way....or maybe it was the end result of being in denial...either way, it was my saving grace..........
This is a great post...Thank you Lyne for your service.....
Thank you Lyne for your service and to all who shared. It means a great deal to me that I can come here each day and ground myself.
Rose - many times I read your shares and I just break down! So much pain you endured! Yet, I see from program you are getting healthier every day! My utmost respect to you. I liked your strong, (but respectful) answer to your niece. Keep doing you!
I related to your post in one way: outwardly there was always laughter in our household. My spouse was a very funny man... one of the main reasons I probably married him. I remember one year my son and I were watching our "across the street" neighbors decorate for Halloween - the go all out - and the wife mentioned that in the summer they frequently hear our household full of laughter (b/c all the doors & windows are open in evenings) and they loved the sound of our little family. I remember thinking to myself, "If you only knew." Granted, as the years moved forward and the disease became worse, there was definitely less laughing. I was always worried and resentful, my teen kid went through depression. So yeah.
Since moving to our own haven, my Kid and I have definitely found laughter again. So it is possible.
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you Lyne for your service and the daily. Thanks to all for the ESH and shares above me. I blame my forehead wrinkles on the frown and extremely intensive facial position I held regularly before Al-Anon. My wrinkles wish I had arrived earlier!
I was so focused on perfection and had high expectations of self and others. It was draining and tiring and so not fun....I am grateful that I can laugh at myself today. I can enjoy what life offers today. And I have learned to lighten up greatly using Al-Anon tools and process of recovery. I love meetings, I enjoy seeing my tribe and love it even more when we plan fun fellowship things to do.
It's a beautiful life and I am free from most of what used to haunt me about this disease, the diseased I love and the insanity. I accept it now as part of my journey, take life one day at a time and do often consider what's going on to be like a bad soap opera! Happy Monday to all - enjoy it no matter what it looks like!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you Lyne. Like Rose..........I feel I had to grieve that time I wasted/lost. I can laugh today but it truly is a time of grieving when there's been so much time gone. Love all the ESH's. These days I know there are times I must be a bit funny. My hubby laughs at my redneck comments and jokes!
Hi, Lyne, thanks for your service, and for the ESH shared before me. Somewhere along the line living with an active A I lost any sense of humor I had, I can so identify with having little to no laughter and smiling in my life. I am grateful I'm getting my humor back in recovery :) Actually the fact that I was really smiling was what had registered quite clearly with other people whom I hadn't met for a while and then met some months into this program. Now I can even joke sometimes again! Lol. That was out of my reach, so to speak, for a long time - real joking and laughter just for the fun of it - not with a background motive to try and alleviate tension or something,but because I just feel like it. :))
...