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The 4th has Always been a Big Deal to my Mom's Family, its the One time year, regardless of the day it falls on, We Show Up, Same Time & Place Every Year! My Grandma in Heaven started it 60 years ago, she has now been Gone 30yrs this year and now My Generation Organize it while the Elders just Enjoy the Food & Each Other :D Just to Give you a Brief on the Back Round, My Mom is One of 10, (2) of Which are in Heaven, (7) of Which live within a 30 mile radius of each other, the Youngest Lives Several 100 Miles Away (but Returns Home for This)...So I Grew up with Close to 25 1st Cousins in my Life as a Child, Many Shared my School, because we was all.. Within a 30 mile radius Which I have to Say is Pretty Awesome having 20+ best Friends... Before My Disease took Over...
My Mom's Family is not my Alcoholic Family, there is one that Carry the Ism, but the Rest can Have two Beers, and be Done, If any at all, Take it or Leave it! and go on with the rest of their Lives... My Dad's Family can't do "Family Time" without the "Display" being the Alcohol!!! Even if it is a 2yr olds birthday party!
The seven that live close in Mom's Family, Still 'Every' Week Get together for Breakfast! Meet at a Central Restaurant! They Call each other Several times a Week also, Talk Health, Troubles, Life, Kids, Grandkids, Take Each other to Doctor appointments, or Just Go in Support!...And tho they Fight with One Another Over Stuff sometimes, they Talk about it, and Get over it Pretty Quick like... Its Amazing! "My Butterfly Angel" aka: Grandma... I Spoke of often is their Mom... And Even tho its been 30 yrs, She still Speaks to me in my Prayers, and Dreams, and Helps Guide me thru the Crazy times...
When My Parents Split, I was Tossed between These Aunts & Uncles & Grandma, till I was Old Enough to Stay home Alone! "That was Age 12!" the beginning of My Own Addictions!
I Remember feeling really Strange, that they All Sat together at Dinner, Including my Uncles... My Afather ate 99% of his Meals in front of our 2 Channel, TV at the Coffee Table! and Only Sat with us, on the Holidays at his Parents house, which was Demanded of His Alcoholic Parents!
Now Working my Program, I can See Myself Slowly Falling back into the Love and Understanding I Found in "Those" Aunts and Uncles Compared to the "Disfunction" I Had Come So use to In My Dads' Sick Family..I Wanted my Dad in my Life so badly, I thought if I Became him, He would have to Love me & Take Care of Me Like my Aunts & Uncles Did! That Day Never Come, but My Disease Did! Full Blow Alcoholic by Age 13, Smoking, Drinking & Weed!
I Miss My ADad Every Day of my Life, and I Dream of the Day I Can Wrap my Arms around his Neck and Feel those Whiskers Scratch my Cheek again! But Boy I Sure don't Miss the Crazy that Came with Trying to Track him down from Bar to Bar, just so I Could Hand him his Christmas Gifts or Birthday Gifts... Or All the Insanity that Came with Just Loving Him! Cause Sometimes that was All I had... And I Had to Work on that Too... Even the Good was Exhausting because I was always Waiting for the Switch to Flick when someone Said the "Wrong Word" or Gave the "Wrong Look"... Exhausting... Emotionally, Mentally & Even Physically due to the Disease we Freely Shared!
I Guess I'm Trying to Say, it was Nice on the 4th to be Surrounded By Honest, Loving, Caring, Compassionate Beings, that even tho they are All Up there in Years, the Don't Martyr or Complain about How bad they have it, but Just Laugh and Live in the Now! The 4th has become my Favorite holiday because I know I will get to see them All in one Spot! With No Expectation, Minimal Judgment, and Just Laughs, and Memories of Being Goofy Kids, before the Disease Stole My Soul and Held my Head Under Water for what Seemed Like a Life time!
I'm So Grateful... I Found Al-Anon, Found HP, Found All of You, because you have Enhanced my Memories of Goodness, and Reminded me that Sometimes... It Wasn't All Bad! Sometimes it was Quite Good... And Just Knowing NOW... I have a Choice to Be the Me I Chose,(Regardless of back Round) and regardless of the Non-ism vs the Ism...Everyday "I Choose" a New Fresh Start, Because HP has the Wheel... Its So Hard Sometimes to Hold the Line, and Give up that Control "Trigger" and I do Slip, but Boy when I get My Feet Planted Safely on the Ground HP Drew for me, the Blessings are Not Hard to See... Thanks for Being Here, and Walking this Journey with me...
Forever Grateful for the ESH that Carries me Thru in your Shares
(((Jozie))) - great share and ESH! I love when I can be authentic surrounded by others who are healthy and authentic and present in the moment! Your 4th of July just sounds lovely and what a tribute to your g-ma that all still gather.
We have a large family on my mom's side - not nearly your size. I grew up close with my 13 cousins, who have partners, children, husbands, wives, etc. We do still gather on Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas. In spite of the insanity of the disease, I too am grateful to have recovery so I can show up, be present and just enjoy what is instead of living in the past or dwelling on what was.
Keep doing you and keep leaning in - looks awesome on you!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hi Jozie My FOO is full of members who practice the ISMS. Prior to program, I would become furious with them , treat them badly and expect them to change. Thanks to my alanon tools I can now interact with them without expectations treat them with courtesy and respect and truly enjoy their company.
Thanks for sharing, Jozie, so hopeful :) Brought me to thoughts about my A father whom I unfortunately still pretty much despise... He might die soon, who knows, and do I really want to cling to my negativity and wait until after he's gone to allow myself to forgive him for the bad stuff - and really, for being an alcoholic? I see that I have a choice in this matter, my attitude...
((((Iamhere))))- Thanks, it Truly is Nice Knowing that I can Change my Perspective without Trying to Change them. This Program Truly has Saved me from the Insanity... I Still will wobble once in a While but seems I can get back on my Feet A little Quicker when I Show up with a Tool Box :)
(((Hotrod)))-I Also did those things to those around me, I thought so I could Survive...I Did Not at all like the person I Felt they turned me into... Yet, Come to Find out... It was More about my Expectations of who I thought they Should Be... Comparing the ISM with the Non-ISM and Expecting them to be the Same.. What a Blessing to know, Now I Can be Me! Regardless of Either... Amazing :)
(((Aline))) For me it was 100% Attitude, I didn't find Al-Anon when my Afather was Alive, I found it a Month after he Left this World from Alcoholism, and Though we were Speaking the Best we could I was the Only one of his Five Children... That Was! My Older ASister hadn't spoke to him in 15yrs and wasn't speaking to him when he Died... She Now Struggles with that still, this year will be 10 years! I too have Struggled Fiercely with Anger Issues, even tho He and I Spoke, but I got A lot of Healing here at MIP, and my Al-Anon Family lifted me each time I fell... And Shared their Tools with me, and Helped me Sharpen mine...
I have Not Forgot the "Wrong" my Afather Inflicted on those He Loved thru his Disease, but I have Also Not forgot the Love he Tried his Best to Share, coming from Generations of Alcoholics before him, and being raised by "Two" Alcoholic Parents, I can Now Truly in my Heart know... He did the Very Best he Could with the Tools he had! And I'm Just grateful for the "Right" he did, even if something as Simple as a Smile when I didn't have one, or a Hug when I was Deep in Pain... I've Learned walking this Journey with a Different mindset, a New Perspective on Life, Mine has become so Much Lighter. Because now the "Yesterday" No Longer is Carried on my Shoulders, rather it Sits in the Rearview mirror, and I Remind Myself 'You Can LOOK, but Don't Stare! For I am Moving Forward!'
Thank you All for Takin the Time to Read, I Never have a "Short" Moment I don't believe...lol
Take Care of You, and As Always... Take what you Like and Leave the Rest
Thank you for the ESH Jozie! The "A's" in my family were on both sides but skipped my mom and grandmother. All gatherings were at my grandmothers house. She went home 3 years ago. The dynamics all changed after she went home. The family doesn't get together for every holiday any longer. My parents divorced when I was really little....3 times I think it was. One may have been another separation. I can relate to the being tossed back and forth from home to the grandparents big time! I also hit the addiction when very young. I'm so grateful for to have found this program!! My AD is still drinking from morning till bedtime but I know it's the disease that has him. We're very close in spite of his drinking. Your share made me smile. We made it thru alive and on the grateful and loving side of it all.
