Hugs and prayers Serenity. You did a great job!!! I faced that when my daughter was 17. A bit older yes, but still remember the drive there and the aftermath!

(((Serenity))) - sending hugs, prayers and positive energy your way. I do recall leaving town for a funeral in Houston years back - driving - it's about 12 hours. At the 10th hour, my AH calls and says our youngest is passed out on the drive-way, pizzed himself in someone else's car and he can't wake him up....at the time, this child was also taking mental health medications which is a whole nother layer of worry/potential medical issue.

I suggested (not calmly) he bring him in, put him on the couch and watch him. He brought him in, put him in bed and left him be...I was tempted to return home yet had to be at this funeral so opted to leave it be until I got home. Of course, the story changed 100 times simply because my kid had drank himself to a black-out - first time drinking. He made a real 'impression' at the neighborhood pool (thank God, not ours) of a friend's and was never, ever invited back over.

In our case, it was not a phase - it was the beginning. He remembered the incident and opted to avoid alcohol for a long, long while, yet was offered and readily accepted other mind-altering substances which he felt he had more control - until he didn't. I agree with your boundary - against the law and wish you, him, the friend and all the best. The genetic pull here was stronger than any words I had for mine - may you have a better outcome...

No matter what comes next, you are a great mom and try to keep in mind that HP doesn't have grand-children...(((Hugs))) sweetie!

(((((Serenity)))))

Sending you support, as this is not easy! In my son's sophomore year, a "friend" gave him a water bottle full of vodka on the last day of school before Thanksgiving. Kid proceeded to drink that and take OTC sleeping meds (Benedryl). I got a call at work from the police department asking if I have a son by the name of "XXXXX" They asked if I would come to an address straight away. It was about 6 blocks and a busy blvd, away from our house. When I got there, the paramedics where loading him into the ambulance. They said he was tachycardic, so were getting him to the ER. The police asked me all these questions about if he used drugs, does he drink, is he having problems in school. All those answers were, No, not that I know of, but you know, he is a teen... what parent truly knows EVERYTHING their kid does?

I guess he walked in a black-out state all that way from our house & passed out in some guys front lawn. The guy found him, was able to briefly wake him up, and he told me all my Kid could say was my name. Come to find out, this gentleman had one of his son's die of an overdose some years back... so he was very concerned and knew exactly what to do. Everyone thought my kid was high on some drug. Turns out, my kid can't take Benedryl (knew that from when he was a toddler, but forgot about it) due to hallucinations. They tested him in the ER and only found alcohol in his system, no other hallucinagen. To this day he doesn't know why he tried it - even went as far as to say that he didn't take them together on purpose (yea, right) - and of course promised to never do that again! A couple days home from the ER, I had son go meet the man and tell him "Thank you for saving my life." Since my Kid had pretty much no recollection of what happened, I thought that this was important so that he understood the effects this had on me, his dad, and even this random guy, who saved him. I actually filmed him in the ER with my phone & about 6 months afterwards when I could tell he was having zero recollection of the event, played it for him. He was beyond mortified!!! Never had another incident until earlier this year...he got very, very ill after drinking at a party. I made him clean up all the puke, do the laundry and again had the substance talk/addiction talk and showed him those videos again. He was so sick that he vowed never to drink again! I just told him, "I hope you can stick to that."

I am still paying on the ambulance bill, two years later! I told him that now that he has graduated, as soon as he gets a job, he can then take over paying on that bill!

We have discussed in length my fears of him becoming like his father - I tell him, NO ONE starts out saying, "I want to be an addict." It starts small. Insidious like. Until you are fully entrenched and don't know how to get out. So I shared with him my boundaries, and I also explained that is why I continue to work this program... b/c if I don't, I would be consumed by fear... b/c I fear he will walk the same road as his dad. I swear I must sound like a broken record to him about this... but it's all I can do. A child psychologist told me during that time, "At this age (teen yrs), you cannot control all that they do. The best you can do is help them to be educated about the subject, tell them your boundaries about it, and then hope that they take your advice." It was VERY hard for me to hear this and accept. But it is true.

I think you handled this very well. I am sure the talk will go well too.
Sending you love & Peace!

Oh wow, despite the horror of it all (and yes, as a parent facing this for the first time, it feels like a horror-show), you sound fantastic!! I am loving what you are saying and what you are conveying!!! Everything you have been working on is showing, GF!!! Good on you!!

The biggest takeaway, IMHO, is what you said about "addiction hides in dishonesty." This is so true! This disease gains it's power from living in the lies. So your son's honesty is key here.

The other truism, is that "control freaks hate that feeling of their body being out of control." When I look back at my life, that was the main reason I never even tried hard drugs... I hated feeling like I had no control over myself! So yea, one positive to that!!! LOL!

Like you, I did not take my son's XBox away from him, as he is NOT overly social and didn't have that to fall back on... few friends to hang with etc. I limited his playing time and told him he had to play in the living room - no bedroom isolating. Yes, it was a pain for me and AH, but it was necessary. He was also grounded from social activities for 2 weeks. As for the friend... well, I think that you are practicing the pause on that, and in doing so, you will find a good healthy way to deal with that. Faced with the same, my child psychologist friend told me to not say "You can't see friend at all." Just limit the exposure to said friend. "Many times, the  friendship will naturally die of it's own accord b/c they will have nothing really in common." So I did take her advice, and it worked out just the way she said. I realize not always the case with teens, but I kind of just emphasized with my Kid about what kind of friend would do this - perhaps you need to re-evaluate your friendship? That kind of thing. And of course I came on the boards and worked those slogans hard so that I COULD DROP THE ROPE on the friend issue. I also explained to my Kid that just because I am not "flying off the handle mad," doesn't mean I am accepting of his behavior. I am not. I have just learned a better way to deal... you have too, Serenity!! AND you are teaching your son that no matter what it is, YOU will be the rock he can cling to for support! Great job!!

I just think you are being the very best Mom! He is one lucky kid - probably doesn't know it yet, but he is!!! Keep on keepin' on!

I hope the rest of your week is blissfully uneventful!

(((Serenity)) prayers and positive thoughts going out to you and your family