The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
this was the sorry conclusion my A and I both came to this weekend. He has been out of commission all week with selfmedicating (alcohol/pot/ambien) his way thru spring fever or something. same old same old. I only wish he would be out of the house for 3 days like some of these A's . All mine does is remedicate and go back to sleep. Annoying. Yesterday I had a very calm talk with him now that he was reemerging from his fog. I told him I would leave except that my life would be harder and I am worried about the impact on the kids. I asked him how does it feel to know that I am not staying because "I love you so much"--but just for the sake of convenience? Its sad really. We've been to counsellling the past 6 months and I think we've gotten nowhere except paid a lot of copays. I've learned as much from you guys and alanon and reading. He's got the power to make it better or mess it all up. I feel sorry for him(sort of) that he doesn't know how/want to change to help himself. I just think that the compromise I make in my life by staying here blackens my heart more during each "episode". going nowhere fast--looking for esh! Jeanne
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In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.- Daniel L. Reardon
I look at things this way... you are only ready to do what you are ready to do. I dont see it as sad at all. This is like all things, perception is 90% of reality. Your perception in your post is that you have no choice... reality is ?
Maybe you are not ready for that kind of move, but your program should tell you that he can have that "heart blackening" all to himself. Your life doesn't have to have wasted space in it even if he chooses to live that way.
What have you always wanted to do? What do you need to do in order to get there...? Maybe it's a new hobbie, a group, a club or quiet study... something that would lift your heart.
I live with an active A and I have a lot sympathy for your situation. Keep coming back, I am very new at this, but as the saying goes ... it works if you work it!
- r
-- Edited by rtexas at 18:05, 2006-04-03
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Hello gknee , I disagree with you , no progress?? It's a big deal to admit out loud that your staying because of a convience ,at least it was for me . and thats ok . As long as I could admit that my sponsor said that i was begging to get honest with me and others. so it's a big deal
I went to alot of f2f meetings that helped me and still does alot. I found out I could get happy regardless of what he chose to do. I too was not prepared to accept half i wanted it all. but there came a time when the money and financial security were just costing too much and i started to make plans to leave. Luckily for me I didn't have to make that decission my husb made it for me he left.
In that 6 months that he was gone I found out that tho I missed him i was going to be okay with out him and in he found out that home ws where he wanted to be and he became willing to do hat he had to do to come back. Get sober and give AA an honest try. That was 16 yrs ago . With out this prog i could not have stayed in my marriage. Good luck and if your not going to meetings please give f2f a try you won't be sorry they changed my life and it will change yours too. Louise
