The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In todays reading, a comparison is made between the flight instructions one receives (put your own oxygen mask on before trying to help anyone else) and what Alanon can do for us. The message of caring for oneself FIRST- before others, is such an important one and I know for myself I missed the importance of that for a long time.
The writer mentions some of the things he/she did not receive from parents and family: consistency, structure, encouragement, acceptance of feelings. Not having access to these things also made it impossible to pass them on to anyone else. The writer goes on to say that practicing Alanon is like putting on that oxygen mask. We are taking care of the most important person in our lives ourselves. Practicing self care in this way, consistently, is the only way we could be strong enough to be present in relationship to others.
I grew up with an instinct to look out for other people and what they need first. While there may be a generosity of spirit in that, what happens over time is Self gets lost! Alanon has helped me practice taking care of what I need first so that I am the strongest and healthiest version of myself.
Good morning Mary and MIP. Thank you for your service, the daily and your share/ESH. I too grew up with the belief that taking care of everybody else was 'the right thing to do'. Enter this disease, and as with so many other things, I went overboard to the point where self-care was last on the list of never gotten to to-dos!!
It is in Al-Anon that I learned to care for me and then offer to be of service. I learned to stop assuming what others need and instead ask. I also learned that I can't truly love another unconditionally or accept them unconditionally until I apply both to self. Lastly, working this program gave me the ability to let go of the past, practice forgiveness and find compassion and empathy instead.
I love that we are asked to practice self-care each and every day - it grounds me and helps me be/keep/stay serene! I'm off to a meeting in a bit and then off to golf with program friends....it's going to be super hot here so I suspect I'll be a tired gal at the end of the day...enjoy your day whatever it includes!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Good Morning Mary , I too thought it my job to help others and ignore my own needs. Enter program and how strange did it feel to learn that i needed to keep the focus on myself, nurture myself so that I could share in a healthy manner with others.
No more giving to others with expectations, no more looking for approval for my behavior just doing good because it was a principle i embraced. These principles alone enriched me
Thanks for your continued service Have a great day
I still struggle with that, Mary, but I'm learning albeit slowly!
I always did well taking care of myself physically and spiritually but I oftentimes would say yes to something/someone when I wanted to say no. Or I agreed to attend something when I didn't want to or to provide things for others that made me uncomfortable or were not normally within my realm of acceptance. Today, I practice the pause and I am learning it's ok to say no and to take care of my own emotional needs and mental health as well.
Thank you for sharing!
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Great read and something that I will need to practice! practice! practice! I think the taking care of others as you say is probably one of our best features, but is exactly how many of us end up attached to the A in our lives. I am also a nurse and I enjoy my job, but even in my workplace I have to be careful to not feel like I need to do "everything" I hope everyone has a relaxing Sunday.
Hi Mary, thank you for sharing this, it did give me hope for today. I'm still new to this program and new to the idea of taking care of myself. As I practice putting myself first, I've found my AH often pushes back and tests boundaries. For example, when I mentioned this program he told me he wants me to attend Al-Anon so I can learn how not to upset him. At first my pride and anger almost allowed his comment to get to me! Well, no way am I going to a program when he's the one who needs HELP, was my mindset! But I can laugh at it now because I found out the truth: Al-Anon is a program for me and my serenity. How refreshing after many years of focusing on others.
Though it sounds so simple to focus on myself and practice self-care, in reality it's a daily struggle. There are times even self-care feels like a load of work. I'm learning to embrace the process focusing on just this day and moment. Wishing you all a wonderful night.
-- Edited by sakina on Sunday 10th of June 2018 09:26:20 PM
I tried my best to reach out to other people... to fill the empty void within...
Filling the void did not make me a cold heartless person- far from it... learning to like myself seemed a bit odd, at first... but today I have friendly congenial friendships- to enjoy... thanks... Alanon...
thanks... Alanon...