The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading is about Step 6 - Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. Many of us find that we our defects have become habit, and we may even cling to them as they give pleasure or comfort.
Consider revenge - many of us spend tons of time creating mental scenarios where we punish those who have hurt us. And then, many of us get a great deal of pleasure in thinking we are never wrong - clinging tightly to pride. While many of these defects give us pleasure in some way or ways, we come to realize in recovery that not letting them go prevents us from treating self and others with love and respect. They tend to get in the way of living the kind of life we want.
Our recovery will have a giant void as long as we are unwilling to give up our shortcomings. If we want healing, we must turn over our will and life and defects to God.
Reminder -- Are the small, temporary pleasures I get from my defects of character worth the price I am paying to keep them? If not, I may be entirely ready to let some of them go today.
Quote -- "I know that help is waiting only for my acceptance, waiting for me to say, 'Not my will but Thine be done.'" from The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage
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Step 6 for me is not a "one and done" action or step. It's a part of 12 steps that help me heal from the affects of this disease, deal better with life on life's terms and be a better version of me. At times, my brain still wants to point out to me what is wrong with me, the world and others instead of what's good. I have to remember that this step suggests the action of being ready not being rid of...
My HP does not expect me to be or act perfect in every life event. We are given many emotions, talents and gifts at birth and each of us is uniquely created to be 'us'. As I use the steps to better understand me and what makes me tick, I often find that my defects are nothing more than exploited assets. For instance, I was a confident, kind, helpful child with a vivid imagination. As the disease flowed into my life, my confidence slipped and instead I became cocky and defensive. My kindness then became more forced and meshed with enabling. My helpful spirit became controlling and I wore a right-fighter hat for a long time. My vivid imagination became buried under the stress and mess of the disease, and all I could 'see' in my mind was darkness, discontent and failures.
When I work these steps and trust in a Higher Power, I am better able to just be me and accept life on life's terms even when I am not liking what is happening. I am grateful we are expected to grow and progress in recovery and not perfect and graduate.
Happy Friday all! Make it a great day...hot again here today and more softball tonight!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Today's reading got me to thinking about why I hold so tightly onto my character defects. I have been reflecting on this off and on, and I think it is a lack of courage, or a fear of the unknown. I know how life is now, it is predictable. What would happen if I were to let go of one or more of my character defects? I would have to face uncertainty, and that causes fear and anxiety. Some days (and weeks/months) I'm just not courageous enough to want to face that uncertainty. I'm not ready yet. When I do become entirely ready to face an uncertainty caused by releasing a character defect, then I can turn that defect over to HP, and let it go.
I've let go of a few character defects I had a tight grip on for years, and I am seeing the benefits in doing that - I'm more balanced and content with life. This impact is encouraging me to become ready to turn over another character defect to HP: fear.
I hope you all have a great day today!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Good Morning IAH and Skorpi I too love this reading as well as the topic, the 6th step. It suggests that all i need to do in this step is 'become entirely ready " to have my defects lifted. I thought this confusing in the beginning of my Alanon journey, however as I continued to practice program: keeping the focus on myself and stopped blaming others, I began to really see how these defects were very destructive and did no serve me. I also kept attending meetings, using the slogans and calling my sponsor and I believe these actions made me "entirely ready" to have my defects lifted. Love the quote .
Good Luck at softball and thanks so much for your continued service
Well that was very powerful writing IAH! I needed to read that today. I had a conversation with my partner a few weeks ago where he asked me why I lie when I get caught doing stupid little things. And hes right. I do lie. I learned to do it because i could make up a believable story that my XAH would believe and it would lessen the abuse and fallout from his own disease. Honesty would be disastrous.
I told my bf why I do it, fully admitting that I recognize it and that its a fear based response. His comment back to me basically said; But, you dont have to do that anymore. Youre not living the same life today.
I told him that old habits die hard, but that I am working on it. And that is where step 6 comes in for me. I love the fact that I can just be willing to let go......I can be willing to let God take it. Recovery is a lifelong journey for me.
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
