The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The ODAT reading for May 29 speaks about the principle of" detachment". The reading suggests that detachment is at times confusing and some attempt to practice it by having a grim resolve not to speak. Such silence is filled with bitterness and does nothing to communicate our love and compassion . We also try to distract ourselves and often seem to run around seeking distractions and tend to neglect or . primary responsibilities. This is not detachment
. Actually Detachment is intended to promote our spiritual growth and to lift, our minds from other people's feelings and actions . When we detach our minds, problems seem to solve themselves more freely, possibly because we have allowed HP in
Detachment is a difficult concept to embrace. Once I was able to master it I incorporated the principle into my tool box and is now my go to tool. ..
I try to always respond in situations and not react . To accomplish this i recite the serenity prayer and then remind myself that I am powerless over people places and things and I am responsible to stay in my own hula hoop . I validate myself and allow others the right to live their lives without my interference.
.I can allow others the dignity to live their lives, pray for others and let go and let god this to me is detachment.
Have a great day. Today I need to really practice detachment and Step 11
Thanks for your service Betty. Detachment is such an important tool for me, and my family gives me the opportunity to practice just about everyday. Yesterday I was thinking when my A has more free time this summer, she will take care of some things I really want her to resolve. (Notice I said that "I" want her to resolve.). And last night, like a huge light went on, reminding me that all I can do is detach from this situation. Nobody is going to do what I want them to. And I have learned that developing anger and resentment and withdrawing emotionally, solves nothing. I can make a suggestion but beyond that, I am powerless. To know God's will and have the power to carry it out is a powerful message and goal, Lyne
Before I left my AH, I had almost a year of trying to practice Detachment while living with active alcoholism. Through Al-Anon, I was able to move from Detachment with Anger, to Detachment with Indifference. Looking back, and reading the ODAT Betty posted, I did do a lot of running around distracting myself from the reality that was my marriage/life. I was hyper-focused on some things, but other things were neglected or at the very least proscrastinated. So perhaps my detachment skills weren't all that good!
It wasn't until I moved away from the crazy and grew stronger in my own beliefs & knowledge could I get to Detachment with Love. Sometimes that is a challenge as well! But my STBXH has found recovery and seems to be doing well... which means less crazy in my life, peripherally. So I think that makes it easier for me.
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
I feel I have gone from the original anger, to the distractions, and now gaining a type of balance. It feels pretty good and yet I know myself well enough to know I have to keep practicing the balance in the area of distractions. I did go through a day of resentment and anger the other day. I can see some growth there. It did not remain. I put it down on "paper," it was silly and I found myself doing the distraction thing until I got it sorted out and truly gave it to God. Work in progress here, but there is progress!
Thank you Betty for your service and the daily....thank you all for your shares and ESH. About the time I 'think' I got something figured out (detachment), God has a new learning opportunity for me!!!!
I am gaining many new friends as I embrace league golf. That's awesome as now I've got a large group of gals that are willing/able to golf - I could golf every day if desired and have been doing so. I am extremely grateful! Yet, today I played with a gal who talks 'all the time'. For those who understand golf, it is standard practice to be quiet when others are hitting, putting, etc.
She did this last week and I was better able to detach and tune out than today. Today, for a reason I need to determine, it really distracted me and messed with my focus. I did not golf well and I am learning that I do golf better with fewer distractions. So - this will be a great opportunity for me to learn how to focus on a new activity while detaching at the same time.
I was one who just bit my tongue in the beginning. My go-to reactions when I got to Al-Anon were mean, hurtful and full of anger as that was my go-to. So - not speaking at all was the only way for me to learn how to pause. The ability to pause and not 'get the last word in' helped me see that one of my best tools when bated is no response at all. In my home, silence is more powerful than any words I can react or respond with.
In time, once I worked on me, I was better able to accept me and others as we are which helped me detach greatly and learn to respond with kindness and love or, still - not at all. I heard early on that I don't have to accept every invitation to every discussion, debate or fight - I have the power to choose. Being able to sit on the sidelines and just 'eat my popcorn' has been a lovely gift from recovery.
It's hotter than hot here today - golfed all morning and then went to the pool with the little people for a while. They had a blast and it's fun - last year, they were afraid of the water/pool ... not so this year! I love summer time, summer activities and summer sunshine! Hope everyone's making this a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you for your service and wise words Betty and I love the helpful shares.
Detachment is something I have plenty of opportunities to practice over and over. I have found that my struggle with detachment arises when my emotions surge and I get stuck in that mode. I do remember when my gut reaction was to distract or detach with anger (not detachment!). Thankfully, at least today I understand the goal is to step back from the situation with kindness, compassion, and neutrality.
