The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
one of my son's that live at home came home tippsy again....I walked away when he went on about things that have him down.Things I have already dicused when he was sober.He has a court date to determine if he is the father of a baby boy.Needing DNA test.As a mother I explain if the the child is his he is responible for him.But it is still his choice to become responilble or not.The out come is in his hands how he chooses to deal with this.He is 29 years old my son.
I have another son that is now 31 that chose not to be responilble and he has child support for one out of 4 children he fathered, with the mom of two.That leaves one that the mother of the boy made her own choices and does not want my son in the childs life or me(no family relations)she remarried and went on with her life.
As grandmom (Nana) of these children I have heart ach daily missing them.I pray always for there safty and good life.I do have 6 adult children 11 grandbabbies,I love them all.Even though I do not like some of there choices as parents of my grandchildren,I have no control over what they do or not do.I see some of my grandchildren enjoy there birthdays was even in the room when some of them were born.(my daughters 3) I enjoy the holidays with most of them.but the burning pain from one grandmom to another I miss them dearly.That is where Live and Let live is a slogan I use everyday.For I could get swolled up in the sorrow and I would be no good for me as others around me.This program has helped me thru 2 marrages,I am with my second hubby today sober 23years.We now have 3 acctive adult children out of 6,my son inlaw found his way to program and truely greatful.I walked in the doors of alanon 1978 now 2006 and still need this awsome program and support from all of you and f2f meetings.My ESH has kept me focused sharing with others as well as even getting wisdom from newcomers.I believe we grow daily and as long as I live I choose to contiue to grow with alanon as my support.I believe in God as my HP and he too guides me more than ever as long as I surrender to him.That is my job surrender let go and let God.I feel as long as I hold on to something there is a lesson I just did not get and once I surrender the path goes smoother.My sharing is where I am today.My past I too still work thru them for time to time.But the one lesson I learned that has helped me was to forgive Sharon (me)for I have always made me last and this program taught me to be first to think of me.wow what a lesson and still need reminding.I hope my share helped someone as well as it helped me to free the pain for today as Nana love and God bless ((group hugs)))Angel/sharon
I can so relate to some of the things you are dealing with. I am a mother of 5 (2-birth daughters, 3 step-daughters) and five grandchildren. I am about 2 1/2 years in Al-Anon and my husband is 3 years in AA. We both have to practice our own programs in dealing with life especially our daughters and grandchildren. Our oldest daughter appears to suffer from the same disease as my husband - she no longer has custody of her 2 children and we don't see them very often at all. She was using these children for manipulation tactics and we had to set a boundry. Her other parents are not in recovery and continue the horrible cycle of attempting to control her and the kids. They do not return our phone calls because we (my husband and I) won't do the things they want us to do - like get her sober, let her live with us while she is still using. (Boy, my heart breaks for them - I truly believe they need as much help as she does)
This past Christmas was suppose to be our year for all 5 girls & 5 grandchildren to be with us for the Holiday - It of course did not work out that way - But we did have 3 grandchildren and 4 daughters. We decided to enjoy what we were blessed with and have a great holiday.
It was very special with memories I will always remember. Thanks to this program I can take what special blessings my HP has given me and enjoy today - Live in the moment.
Several weeks ago, that same daughter had her first attempted suicide. Her and her other parents are still in the active drama of the disease. It was very hard not to step that same pathway - but I have to trust that HP has a plan and He will take care of the situation the best way - I will probably screw it up - so I need to stay out of it. The last we heard she is on a waiting list for a treatment center - (this is the same thing she has told us for the past 6 months)
I know I constantly must Let Go and Let God . . .
Thanks for sharing your ESH, it is comforting to know I am not alone . .
Progress not Perfection
Rita G.
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
We cannot make choices FOR our children. They are the only ones who have that power in the end to do that. We can only try to guide them, be there for them & above all let them know we love them no matter what. I just told my own son (12 years old) that this weekend. I was talking to him about our A (my husband, his father) and I was saying that we may not like his choices but that they are his to make whether they are wrong or right. Only he has that power. We can love him but have to accept that we are powerless over him.
Good luck w/everything. We are here for you. God Bless.
