Thanks (((Tude))) It's difficult when someone is your boss to find where the line is concerning asserting boundaries. I think I do get what you mean though. I think will have to try to keep it simple and just speak about work when communicating with her. Good morning, good Night and Hope you have a good weekend along with common courtesies such as thank you are likely safe things to communicate. If the need arises, if she asks any more personal questions I may need to assert a boundary concerning that. Thanks also for the hugs and prayers.

Thanks (((Freetime)))) Yep, I too went down the positive things road concerning my new supervisor because this is basically about self preservation. She seems to be a loaded emotional cannon and I don't feel safe around her. She unpredictable and I'm guessing it's going to take a little time to find a place of balance. I have to answer to her, she's my boss. If I'm true to myself by standing up for myself, it could be taken as a personal affront. For all I know, she could be passive agressive and use her authority over me to retaliate. She's exhibited some extremely controlling behaviors. What I do know from the positive standpoint is that she is dedicated to the work and chose me because she felt I would be as well. I think it would benefit me to lead with this feeling of mutual dedication to the work, offering her respect as a supervisor and acknowledging her expertise in the area of work. With time I will know more. I will be able to work independently. When I am capable of working on my own, it will be interesting to see if she remains as micromanaging. At that point, it would be to her benefit to back off rather than have me leave. If she likes my work, she should want me to stay and save herself the trouble of the hiring process and training of someone new. I can buy some time with this strategy and see what time reveals. Thanks for those statements that may help stabilize things in the moment. Thanks as well for "Ask a Manager." I will check that out. Happy Mothers Day.

Thank you (((Iamhere)))) for you positive thoughts and prayers.  I actually got to try out "I statements" today. Although I don't think my "I statements" were at all reflective of the ones typically offered in therapy such as I feel, I would like, I am. My "I statements" were more of the nature of someone who was fed up and needed to assert a boundary.

My supervisor belittled me today because I was unable to perform a job task that she had taught me yesterday. I didn't remember all the steps to get the result. She told me in a ridiculing tone that she couldn't understand how I couldn't perform the job duty. She snidely told me that even a high schooler would be able to do it. She'd demonstrated the task once yesterday. She hovers over me every moment and makes me nervous. She has no patience. She has no one else in her department. It's a mystery why my predeccessor is no longer there and there is another job open in the department as well. Whether that is a new position or one that was vacated, I don't know. 

Upon hearing her snide comment, (audience within earshot) I said to her, "I can do without the sarcasm." She responded that she had not been sarcastic. I repeated two comments she made. I followed that by saying, "I don't want you speaking to me that way." She told me firmly to please lower my voice. She told me she was going teach me the job duty again. I said that I want to get some paper and pen to jot down instructions. She told me to stay where I was that she planned to demonstate the task again. I said, "I would like to get some paper and a pen."  I walked away and did just that. 

She apologized just as she had when she lashed out at me last week (my first). She told me that she would try to do a better job of showing me respect. It sounds good doesn't it? I'm not expecting much. My next tactic is to walk away from her if it continues and tell her I am giving her time to consider her words. Given she is behind concerning department work, she will have to make a decision. She can continue to have outbursts and be left standing there with no one to help her with the work or regulate herself. The last straw will  be reporting her but likely I'd come out on the losing end of that. In Alanon we say "we teach people how to treat us." I would have preferred not to have to do what I did today but I needed to show I had self respect and won't put up with verbal abuse. She was a peach to me the rest of the day just like the last time. Geez, it's like the misbehaving alcoholic filled with remourse the next day. Ugh! 

Thanks for you insights, support and suggestions. TT

Sounds tough TT.  Sometimes the only way out is through.  I guess I'd try killing the supervisor with kindness. And smile and maybe ask her some questions and then thank her for her answers so that she feels valuable. Maybe she is just insecure. I do know that when people get my defences up, I am less likely to flow and that creates more antagonism which is sometimes unavoidable but sometimes can be diffused.  Humility helps. Softens people. OF course only you know your situation, but i send you my best regards for this situation.   

Thanks (((everyone))) for the support, insights, suggestions, encouragement. Sorry to not have responded sooner. I've just been so tired when I've gotten home. I've actually gone to bed early a few night.

Well... here's the update. Confronting my new supervisor was likely the best thing I could have done. She is being much more careful in her communication. I do hear her on her phone speaking inappropriately to colleagues. She's speaking to them in the same manner she'd spoken to me. So I don't know how long she can keep respecting me but I think it was a good move to assert myself. She knows I have boundaries and self respect. She has intentionally pointed out her positive behavior now. LOL I just don't respond when she does this. I'm cautiously optimistic about her miraculous change. Today she was rude. Her word not mine. I responded with self-respect. I didn't call her on her stuff in any way. She responded, "I'm not being rude." Uhhh yes, you are. I was thinking but said nothing else. Odaat lol We'll get to know one another. We are both invested in our own way. I want the job and she needs my help. 

She admits she hasn't had to teach anyone else what she does. I told her not to worry that I will have lots of questions for her and some of them I may even ask you twice. I then looked her in the face and said, "...because one thing I'm not, is an insecure person." 

She is still having trouble changing the condescending tone she uses when I don't understand something. Well.. Rome wasn't built in a day huh. I'm using QTIP. It's about her, I'm good with me. Tomorrow is Friday and I know more than I did two weeks ago about how to do the job. Honestly, she's not great at teaching but she isn't shutting me down now when I stop her to ask for clarity. She is listening and even self correcting. I told her that I realize this all comes rather naturally to her but for me it's entirely new and I laughed. She laughed too. Ultimately, I think I will always have to speak up to her if she begins to get out of line but for now she's being appropriate. Obviously, she knows how to be respectful if she cares to be. 

I'm doing a good job. She acknowledged it by saying how relieved she is to have a lot of stuff done now. She made some mistakes, herself today and mentioned them to me. She said, "See I make mistakes too." This was not a revelation to me but perhaps to her  I didn't respond, didn't smile, didn't laugh. It was like it was never said. She initially acted so freaked out I just don't trust her not to do it again. And how she acted and what she said was serious enough for me to report her to HR. So, I am being professionally friendly toward her but I'm not engaging when she passes remarks related to her behavior. I will take care of my side of the street. She told me that she hoped to be calm like me. I didn't respond. Tomorrow is my first pay day. Yay! I'm going to see whose on the other side of the office and introduce myself. She was going to do this two weeks ago. No need, thanks to Alanon I don't need her to hold my hand and bring me around. We've all been practicing that a long time haven't we? :) Hi my name is..

Thanks for responding and offering help. (((everyone))))  TT