The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have an important decision to make this weekend and I don't know what to do.
My alcoholic partner is passed out at the moment and I don't feel like he's in a place where I can discuss it with him. I don't know who I can talk to. Trying to seek guidance from my Higher Power, but how will I know or understand the response?
Hi Lin I hear you I usually make a pro and con list - talk it over with some alanon members pray about it and then listen to the "Still Small voice within" that works for me I also remind myself that I can always change my mind
Good luck let us know the outcome
Hi Lil99 and Betty and thank you for sharing. I find it better if I take time to Pause before making a major decision. Because I tend to be impatient to get to a solution I have learned that I have better results when I stop and THINK before jumping right in feet first. Many times when I write down the what this decision will /will not achieve and turn it over to HP a whole better outcome appears. Good luck and keep coming back!
I have been in that place... not having my best friend and partner in life to share important things or bounce ideas off of, but living in the same house. It sucks! Before Al-Anon, I would make pro/con lists... something that I read many people do here too! I also have a VERY close friend I can confide in and trust completely. If you do not have that, then I would say ask your sponsor. If your sponsor is unavailable or you do not have one, I think you are doing the right thing by reaching out!
Peace to you, to help with your decision.
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
I often found myself imposing deadlines on myself, which caused needless stress. Early in my program, one of the members in my Al-Anon meeting said "the decision to not make a decision right now is also a decision." That was really helpful for me, because I could say (for example) "I haven't decided whether I am doing X or Y yet. My decision for today (or right now) is to wait for clarity." When I take the stress off of myself about making decisions, it is easier for me to listen to my inner self and make the decision that is right for me. Another thing I try (in addition to what was shared above, and especially if I need to make a hard decision on a short timeline) is to ask myself what I want my life to look like next year, and then ask myself which decision will help me to get closer to that goal. (This moves a bit away from taking things one day at a time, and I reserve this strategy only for major decisions that have to be made quickly. I also always include talking to AlAnon friends about the decision when I do this because I know I can tend to force solutions without realizing that I am doing it when left to my own devices.)
You are in my thoughts
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
I try and sometimes fail .. to make sure that I am in a much better place mentally before I start to make any decisions that are really big ones. I will reach out to an alanon friend, read some lit, do a gratitude list and so on before I start on a big decision .. I might be in a place of my own needs.
If I decide I'm in an ok place then I get quiet and do some reflecting with God (my higher power) and I might write .. go for a walk .. clear my head of any unnecessary chatter. When I am talking to my HP .. praying whatever you need to call it .. I'm asking for help .. it's not until I get quiet and I listen to that small voice deep down that is talking that I know that's my HP's response to me. If there is unnecessary chatter going on I am questioning the response or whatever .. I'm not really listening .. because I really go with .. I will know when I know .. and when I KNOW .. that's God's answer to me and I am ready to receive it. Loud stuff is probably my will .. quiet stuff calm knowing .. that is my HP. I also believe that everyone's HP is not going to speak to them the way mine speaks to me .. so building that relationship is so important.
I hope you will keep coming back here and if you aren't getting to meetings that you can attend even the online ones that makes a HUGE difference.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Aloha Lil what a great decision on your part...and what great responses. I've been in program for a while and have lots of practice experience using what has been offered here for you. I also have my own personal practices that I rely on which are guideline on what to do and how to do them. Rules for myself like being fair, honest and just with the others I am in discussion with are primary rules because that is how I want to be treated also. "When in doubt don't!!" helps me to be quiet and to do my home work before considering an outcome as my part in it. "Use the tools' is a must so that I can or will be comfortable with the outcomes even if I don't get my whole way and must "settle" for a part only in the outcome. When I tie in all of the other suggestions that have been offered here and the program guidance I will do much better in the end even remembering what others have said that suggests to me that I offer myself and the others involved "Grace" and "mercy" as what I want also.
Yours is an important decision. Make your process important. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
