The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have some strange views for a westerner, I have read Zen since I was 16, after surviving my first suicide attempt. I do believe I came into this family, had these hardships, married an addict, it was all in God's divine plan... for me to disocver the love in me, the divinity or spark of God that is in all of us.
After 21 yrs of depression & 2 suicide attempts, being spared for no "logical" reason... well let's just say I do not think my life is insignificant, nor do I think that my soul or value is 70 years & that's it! When I was a little tiny girl in first & more vividly in 2nd grade I began to have visions of myself in other cultures, other times... as an older teenager i decided this must have been looks into previous lives.
I thank God for sparing me from the 3-18-05 OD, no one found me & I took enough meds to kill a small elephant. Maybe I took too many pills, & this is what woke me up to make me sick. I have no idea, acutally I take everything back to God the creator.
Everything happens in God's time, not ours. My mother overdosed when I was in her womb after her husband beat her up... in the hospital she was "clinically dead" for 5 minutes.
What I am saying right now, not many ppl in my life have EVER heard this story, but I will have the courage to tell it here anyway!
She said she felt like all was a cool temperature & everything was a vibrant beautfiul blue, she felt like she was flying free & happy (for the first time in her life ~ being very physically abused by her A mom, even stabbed in the back by her at 12) but then suddenly she was stopped, like held back, halted or down.
She sd she saw "3 light beings" ( she said they were kinda blurry, squiggly the 2 on the sides the one in the middle was longer & more straight) & they spoke to her. Asked her if she wanted to come back or go on... she said she wanted to go on. The light beings told her "no, you must go back, your work is not done."
After being pronounced "dead" in the hospital, she woke up!
So last year, after all of this time believing in reincarnation & the possibility that I would come back much worse off only to live again on Earth, I DID try to OD anyway ~ my despair unimaginable!
By the grace of GOD since I tried to suicide again after a 21 year break & all I have studied about meta-physics, spirituality, working as a healer... & yet being depressed for SO long... I survived & the depression & suicidal ideations lifted.
This is a place full of hope, love & light. I think all I have suffered has been to bring me full circle back to God & to know what it is to love myself & be fulfilled by my own heart-soul-mind ~ not to seek outside of myself for fulfillment but to seek the answers within.
God I surrender myself to You, divine Physician of our souls, willingly & freely, I want YOU. Amen.
love to all, -Kitty of Light
p.s. I used to think that, 'it took me 37 years to get this messed up I can't expect healing in a snap.'
I bought a movie 3-4 months ago... why it took me until 2-3 weeks ago to finally view it, ask God ~ all in his time. But it has changed my perspective on what i can & cannot do, say how quickly I can heal/change. It has given me hope that is brand new! I have only watched it about 7 times now ~ but I thought I would share it since it has helped me so much & someone in chat did mention it months ago, this is how/where I heard of it... it is called "What the Bleep do we Know?"
figured it's helped me so much, I'd pass it on
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Hi Kitty, thank you so much for sharing and I commend you on your courage to tell such a personal story. I also have some 'strange' ideas, some people have called me 'whacky' but that's ok. If they do not agree with or understand my beliefs/opinions that's wonderful, it is through the sharing and discussion of ideas that we all learn and grow. If we differ, it opens up new avenues of thought and makes for a very interesting conversation.
My beliefs are an inner awareness that God/HP in some way has confirmed to me as a 'truth'. It is entirely personal and there are many things that reach beyond the realm of scientific evidence/proof. Sometimes, you 'know' something but don't understand how you 'know' it. Sometimes, it involves a leap of faith and all you can do is trust. I question many things and that's fine too, God gave me a brain for a reason. He also gave me free-will.
We are all on our own individual journeys of spirituality and I personally feel God speaks to us and shares with us in a way that we can understand, therefore what God chooses to reveal to me and how he reveals it will be different to the experiences of another. I embrace our individuality and uniqueness yet know we are all divinely connected in the 'circle of life'...and yes, I agree everything happens in God's time, not mine.
I think I'll try to find out if we have that movie here in the UK, sounds interesting.
