The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Seemed like a "normal" family at the time clear back in 1970. Two very cute country boys, darling little blond sister who had a pony. Mom home, Dad an electrician.
I met my A's family very young. I watched my A get drafted, his mom and dad divorced after years of all kinds of abuse on the whole family. A's brother became an Heroin addict. In those days of free love and drugs just about everyone did them.
I was afraid of it all. All I wanted to do was kiss and ride horses. But I was already in love with my A.
Saw the heroin brother kick it, go to school, got on the methadone program and got a good job. He bought a neat place of 7 acres by a pond and lotsa fir trees. Huge shop to goof around in too. Time went on, he got a job working for the state in land management, worked with the Governor.
Saw him buy a new Cherokee, get married and divorced. Bought a huge riding lawn mower.
He would come over and work with A building new deck here or putting in new steps.
He started saying he was sick. Would not say with what. Kept it light. Started acting different.
Then their Dad died from detoxing himself. Then his dog died at 15 years old. My A brotherinlaw, the last time I saw him, he opened his mouth and I saw his aura was black.???? I called him the next day, to see if I could take him to the hospital.
Nope. He was found on the floor by his brother. Up to OHSU. The A family came up once that month. Once. My A on heroin, the mom on her prescip drugs, daughter now a meth addict. Grandson drug affected teenager.
I had to take the train/bus/whatever to get up there almost every day. Some times I would stay two nights. I promised him I would not leave him alone. I watched this outrageously handsome, cowboy die for over 30 days. This heroin user who had at least 20 of being clean was dead in my arms.
I saw my sil still fun, had a horse, nice boyfriend, cats dogs. Had a nice little country home. Next i hear they got busted. Dogs and cats were starving the horse now extremely malnorished.
Has a baby boy, gma and step gma of boy raise him, he is drug affected.
She disappeared for awhile. Selling and using meth now. quits meth, had a baby girl, gave it up for adoption, drug affected little blond girl. Back on meth, using selling. Meets a guy, lives off him.
Gets boy back, still sells meth and uses it. Boy does not understand where mom is and what she is doing.
He works all summer, mom takes his money to pay the rent. He is 14.
A's mom, beautiful small woman. I mean beautiful. fresh, curly brown hair, nice laugh. A husband hits her, beats her. She develops crohns. Is put on drugs, migraines, more drugs. Marries her A sons friend. He is A. time goes by, they raise the Boy. Her A husband beats her.
He leaves, still pays her way.
She does more and more prescrip drugs, goes for demeral shots a lot. Starts falling, breaks her back, more drugs.
has to give daughters son back to her.
A husband has an affair and moves in with A woman. He loses sobriety.
A husband mine, comes back from viet nam a heroin addict. Alcoholic. Plays a guitar like no one i have heard. Meets a friend who starts them both up to being famous.
we have a baby. I call to tell him, "is it mine?" he says. ignorant rosey cheeked country girl me, was shocked.
he left town.
Live in Cal. play music....A's friend, O.D.s on heroin drank too, suffocated in his own vomit.
No more music.
A comes home. Goes thru jobs, women dope, comes and sees me and the kids. He throws a tantrum when visiting, breaks things, scares me and the kids, Get a restraining order. don't see him for many years.
Kids are grown now, out on their own. A starts coming around me. Healthy, straight, been on AA a long time with strong program. Takes him a year but I finally agree to marry him.
Happiness cont. until he has a brain tumor removed, mil dies, He gets put on all kinds of pain meds and downers.
drinks, abuses wife, abuses home, loses great contract/remodel self employed career, wrecks his work van. No money, wife loses her new jeep, pickup. Has to live in her barn and rent the main house. (one sunroom in barn, like a tac room)
no job, in and out of home. Ignorant wife does not understand. Keeps trying. He physically abuses, out for good. wife finds Alanon mip.
Present. I am here in my country home happy, love alanon, has learned so much. No longer ignorant. ok income, ok vehicle, paradise home, paradise family of animals and paradise of loving friends and son and family.
A fil dead, mil not A but has a problem/addiction to prescription drugs on HUD now been in hospital several times for o.d.ing on presrip pills. Nice house.
meth daughter lies steals, meth daughter boyfriend still works, meth son, a mixed up retarded teen.
Mil's husband kicked out of girlfriend, goes to hospital to detox.
My A going to jail April 20, 5 duis.
meth daughters boyfriend still on meth his son is a brat.
I kick out A from my rental he was suppse to fix but instead put a huge hole in wall. He had nowhere to go, cept jail April 20
NOW my A, meth sister and boyfriend, and two teen boys, mil ex. and mil are living in a small house, that mil has a voucher from HUD.
A's sister calls me and cries she is so exausted. She goes out to find free food. She also is writing hot checks on her moms account. Mom only gets six hundred a month. all utilities are close to be shut off.
My A, for the first time physically abused his mother. His tiny, very ill mother. sis's son got in the middle and my A physically hurt him
No no one called the police.
They live in hell on Fifth street and it is only going to get worse.
I take care of me, the animals and home. I listen to the A's sister cry and spill, I say a few alnon things to her, not only is she A, she has loved ones that are A.
Checked on mil. Let her talk things out. then said, ok now don't go talking bad about me now...she will. NO matter to me.
It is like watching a horror movie, but still being able to eat popcorn and drink a pop and pinch the cute man who brought me.....
detached, serene. Not sad, shaking head, cannot put an emotion on it.
As I sit here with tears in my eyes after reading your post, All I can say is OMG. You have seen so very much.
Am so happy you have found alanon and mip. So happy to have you here.
All I can do is keep you in my prayers. You have such wonderful strength and character. I am in awe of your strength and knowledge. So glad to know you and I wish you happiness.
You are truly an inspiration. I am amazed that you have managed to keep your serenity while dealing with life on life's terms. Your vents are encouraging to me.
I am so glad your here. I am so thankful for all your es&h. I've read alot of your posts and your replies to others. You are a very strong minded, loving and caring spirit. I truly admire your ability to find the best in most everything you do...most everyone you touch.
You are such an inspiration to me! Thanks for sharing. Keep looking uP !! We're for You TOO!! SENDING YOU A HUG (((HUGS)))
Keep it Simple Let it Go and let God Keep Coming Back
I read your post & all I could think was does it never end? You have been through so much hell in your life. I am very glad you found MIP. This is a real life story of how addicitions & alcoholism affect the entire family, not just the A's. The effects touch generation after generation. No one is immune to this insidious diaease. God bless you on your road to recovery! Debbie
Debilyn: I am so so sorry the A is choosing to go out with a bang. I recently worked with a man who probably is an alcoholic (I don't enquire) for whatever reason he needed to have everyone hate him. He suceeded beyond his wildest dreams. I know today with al-anon's help I would not hate him.
I am sorry to hear the A is choosing now to abuse his mother. I guess he wants that for everyone to hate and abhor him and that is one of his few ways to let go. I trust that when he is in prison/jail that sobriety will find him. I hope by then he will make amends to you.
I know my own family of origin bonded out of trauma to tremendously enabling, enmeshed difficult to watch behavior. I can do nothing for my nephews as I live such a long way way from them. I know my sister is bringing them up in her own dysfunction and really facing there is nothing I can do is hard work. I marvel at your ability to sit and watch all this going on.
I am glad that al-anon has worked so very well for you and that you have soared through it to find peace of mind and a life apart from the A. I am glad that you can set boundaries but still be compassionate that is an incredible feat. I do not know if I can do that somedays. I work really hard to un-enmesh myself from trauma which is really all I have ever known. There are some days I win the battle and some days when I feel defeated.
I think its incredibly sad when any of us welcome someone going to jail but in your A's case it might be the only way he can stop for a while. And it may be yet another turn around for him.
I hope so for his sake. And I hope that his turnaround will inspire his family in some way. Some people so die sober. I recently heard of a heroin addict who died because she did not go to her dialysis. I heard from one person at NA that once an addict knows sobriety that using will never hold the same charge again. Some people do indeed totally destroy themselves with their disease but some of them have some precious time along the way.
debilyn Thank You for your post. What you have been through makes mine look like a cake walk.
Your an inspiration.... to stay strong. I'm hearing my A and his new women may be having 2nd thoughts. You give hope of another kinder gentler path ahead for those of us that are able to find the path. With the help of our HP and Alanon, friends , 4 legged as well.
There is somthing about the outside of a horse, that is good for the inside of mankind.
Debilyn what struck me about your post was the sadness in the lives of the children born into these circumstances. Sometimes it is just the luck of the draw who your parents are. I will pray that HP gives your mil strength. You don't have to worry about whether you will go to heaven or hell chicken you have already lived it in this lifetime. You have touched many lives with your kindness and continue to do so. We are truly blessed to call you part of our family. Luv Leo xxx
It is easy to follow our program and stay serene when things go as we want them to. It is also easy to have faith in God when things are going well. To be able to hold onto serenity and faith with so much pain and adversity shows you to be the strong wonderful woman you are. To be able to see the beauty in nature and all of your furry family just reinforces it.
This damned disease takes away so much, but as it has, you have continued to give so much.
Debilyn----I had to read your post a few times just to be able to digest it all. All the pain, horror, and sadness. The children affected. The innocence lost.
But through it all, you have survived. HP certainly has a purpose planned for you, and I believe part of it is here, to help show the way to those of us who are lost and searching.
I am so thankful for all your es&h. I've read alot of your posts and your replies to others. You are a very strong minded, loving and caring 
spirit. I truly admire your ability to find the best in most everything you do...most everyone you touch. 
! Thanks for sharing. Keep looking uP !! We're for You TOO!! SENDING YOU A HUG 
(((HUGS)))