new here, not sure what to do - Al-Anon Family Group

anna9 · Newbie

new here, not sure what to do

mebjk · Senior Member

Thanks, anna, for being here. We are grateful for your being here, because it helps us, too.
This sounds like your first share, so congratulations.
My experience, strength and hope are this: I have learned that going to face to face meetings, learning to speak, even if it is just a few words, and finding a sponsor who can guide you to work the twelve steps will give you the health you need to find your own answers within you. Alanon is a powerful program, and it works, if you work it, as they say in the meetings. You will be amazed at how your life changes if you keep coming back.
I know you have very difficult things you are facing. We all have had difficult things. Remember, you didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't change it. Also, remember the Serenity Prayer. No matter what, keep saying it over and over again: God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Blessings to you, anna.
mebjk

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

Hallo and welcome to this group. Many of us come absolutely overwhelmed from looking at and watching the self destruction of others around us. Some of us, including me, lose touch with ourselves in the interim. I note that you do not say that much about you. I have not spoken to either of my sisters for years and my relationship with them is removed by 10,000 mile. Yet the relationship that lives on between my ears is sometimes very difficult to deal with. I am glad that I have removed myself a great deal from my family of origin. At the same time until recently I did not create a very healthy family of choice. I created very similar relationships/patterns that originated in my childhood. I tend to repeat those patterns until I become willing to look at them, sometimes at first around the edges, softening them, creating space around my views (which can be quite rigid I am sorry to say) and then ultimately transforming them.

This is a great group to be in. I hope you will join it and explore your issues.

Maresie.

tea2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome Anna,

So glad you are here and thank you for sharing. The good news is that you are already attending meetings. Some say they come to Al-Anon hoping to help the alcoholic.

Not sure -you may have already heard this at your f2f meetings (f2f =’s face to face meeting) So I will share what I was first told -That we learn to ‘focus’ on us. Meaning I was told to take the focus off the alcoholic(s) in my life and place it on me. You may have already heard that we do not give advice, instead we share our own stories, aka, experience, strength and hope (e, s & h) Then we are told take what we like and leave the rest. Hearing what works for another may or may not work for me, etc.
You did real good by finding Al-Anon and hope you will see it is for you, please know you are not alone.

I would say what comes to mind with your friend are the three C’s of alcoholism: You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. She is going to do what the disease does. It is up to her to help herself. If you have already told her your concerns you can choose to let it go. This is also known as detaching with love. Perhaps you may learn one of our slogans by doing this, Let Go and Let God. You will come to find in Al-Anon that you do have choices.

A few things I heard along the way I will share -You can only do what you can do, no more no less. Also, there is always hope, there is nothing wrong with hope Anna.

We also have online meetings here and open chat 24/7. Meeting schedule: meetings run approximately 90 minutes from: Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. The link is at the top of this page.

Please keep coming back.
Care and Wishes, tea2

kspear · Veteran Member

Welcome! I, too, am surrounded with the A's in my life. I've found this is a very good place to be.

Karen

Maria123 · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome ((((((((((((Anna))))))))))))))))) <-----hugs,

With an alcoholic who has the genetic tendencies, AA says "one drink is too many and 100 drinks are not enough." I interpret that to mean that even if they are not fall down drunks, one drink for them is poison in their systems. I believe now (I didn't used to) that alcoholism is a disease. The 3 C's are you didn't cause it; you can't control it; you can't cure it.

So glad you are here, keep attending meetings - whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not, this room has helped so many here.

Keep coming and keep posting,

Maria123

nycbt · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP. You are not alone. There a lot of people who understand.

World Service Organization Website –

WWW.al-anon.alateen.org

Phone number is 1-888-425-2666

Alanon meetings 800-351-9996

Alanon literature Worldwide 888-425-2666

Alanon meeting info. 800-433-7266 AA info.

Chat room is open 24/7 there here the link to www.mipchat.net or http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html

Here are some things that have helped me since in the program.

Go face to face meeting & online meeting.

post on the board here on the site. I have gotten a lot of good feed back.

· Set support system. people do not judge.You need someone who can go for coffee on a bad day, or pick up a phone and call when in trouble. The support is what is important when you first this program.

Have a sponsor. Someone work one on one with you.

You don’t have to do this the minute u come to the program but I suggest that u do it when u can. It help.

FOR HERE:

Meeting schedule: meetings are in here and run approximately 90 minutes from: Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.

cabma · Member

((((Welcome!)))) I've found this site to be very helpful. Not just from posting your own messages, but also reading others. We have so much in common.

I've looked at the other replies and I didn't see anyone respond to your question of informing the boyfriend of what he's unaware of. Yes, you shouldn't help (enable) your a, but if this guy really is clueless, I would tell him. It's one thing to let the a destroy their own life, but I can't imagine sitting by and seeing the a literally kill another. If you know and choose to stay in the relationship, ok. But if you don't know, that's a whole other story. You can deny a drinking problem/drug addiction but you can't deny a disease like HIV.

Maybe that's not really what this board is for, but you asked and that's my opinion. What he does with the info is not your doing.

Stay connected to this board!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.