The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was pretty depressed last week & just slept the days away ~ still recovering from the car accident, I'm sure. It definetly gave me a terrific scare! So I have been thinking a lot about my life this month.
Yes, I have withdrawn from the site ~ trying to put some things into perspective.
I am still having conflicts w/ my mother, the title to my car cannot be found (all of this red tape) have to get a "Lien" saying it's paid off by a compnay that has split into 4 different groups depending on when it was bought. She seems to think I can go down to the courthouse & bully my way through to get a duplicate title.
I am running out of money & at this rate, it will take a couple of months to get the insurance money. Naturally she blames her A for 'handing over his car so quickly to me' ~ I guess she thinks it would be better for me to have nothing.
It has been a painful & rude awakening, she yells at me, blames me & I feel intensely unloved by her. I try to say, "I love you" but she hangs up so fast on me ~ I just gave up... I have to believe that God will tell her.
I was drinking before the accident (too often) & I am feeling pretty down about my life. I know no one can help me but me. I haven't even wanted to drink but addictions, depression & chemical imbalances run in my family.
So I am pretty moody, raw & am having a hard time focusing on myself. I don't want to be like the A's ~ all they think of is themselves! It is very hard to 'consider what is best for me, to think about my needs without having guilt & self-doubt' rear it's ugly head.
God help me to continually surrender my heart-soul-body-mind to Your will & Your divine plan and not to forget that I must also surrender other's to You as well. My only concern need to be on me, I know You will take care of us all and in the end, we will all receive that which we give, in thought & deed. Amen.
love, -Kitty of Light
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I am so sorry you are feeling blue. I am sure it is to be expected though after all you have been through. You are a wonderful person with so much to give. Slip ups happen and we all have our moments. I have missed my last 2 f2f meetings and I can really see how it has affected my serenity. I tend to withdraw when things are not going well for me too. It is however the opposite thing I should be doing. When I reach out I feel better. It is nice to know there are others out there who care.
Kitty: I have certainly missed you in chat and in the meetings. I hope you find your way back there soon. I can understand the need for rest and space after an accident. I have had times dealing with the A where I just felt totally exhausted. I think it is very very hard to live life on life's terms. I am glad that I can share the journey with you.
i am soooo sorry u r feeling down......geez i had a horrible last 6 months or so too, i wonder "whats up??"
i guess the darkness will do what it can to make us dicouraged in our recovery.......hang on , my friend, u r worth it......
"higher power, source of the light, father to us all-- i ask u to hold all of us in your loving light as we surrender our lives/wills over to u in love and trust----let us know, reassure us that u r with us even when we don't feel u---- thank u , universal creator for hearing my prayer---amen"
sending some prayers and hugs to my friend kitty........love ya/ rosie
(((((kitty))))) have wondered where you have been, have asked in the room a couple of times if anyone had seen you.
Sorry you are feeling so down. Kitty, you were a gift to me from God when I was going through such a hard time the last couple of months. You are an angel.
I will keep you in my prayers that you grow stronger every day. You are a very valuable person. Do not let your mother drag you down to her level.
I have been reading your posts since my first day here, since you showed me how to find posts, since you dared to interrupt a meeting to welcome me and ask me to stay. I had my finger on the X, not feeling very welcomed for having come in and said hello during a meeting my first time here. Not that I wouldn't have come back, because at that moment I had no where else to go. But as they say, one road leads to another and then another, I may have not come back, had I left and not stayed long enough to see what a special place this is, what a special soul you are. You seemed to have the intuition at that moment to know I was slipping away; and took the measure to reach out to me to ask me to wait. So I waited, saw how the meeting works, and raised my ! with tears spilling down my face, to tell you and these sweet people, that I'd been hurting and afraid, was finding spirituality again and wanted to apply it here, with the specific guidance of the principles and steps involved in this program. I couldn't have said it that way at the time, mind you. Suffice it to say that I was feeling spirituality growing in a place that had been empty, and found myself led directly to here.
In your posts I have seen the most incredible experience and expressions of understanding and hope despite such unfathomable challenges in one girl's life. My first thought? Ain't nothin wrong with me, I got NOTHIN to complain about compared to this person's challenges. Second thought, she can help me, and she has made the mistake of saying so!
You have helped me more than I could ever express in words, and if there is ever anything I can do to ever make you feel better when you are down, I hope you will let me. Read the responses to your posts again sometime, just to be reminded how much your friends in here respect you. Thanks for working your way back here. Your friends in here love you...
So sorry that your going thru all this. You always manage to help those here, hope that our comfort helps you through this.
Don't forget those things that help you, make you feel better, and help you get better. Your meetings here, your reading, your prayers.
There is a difference between selfish A behavior which is in fact destructive to themselves and all those around them. The disease is selfish. Our destruction comes from allowing ourselves to get sucked into that black hole, where there is no light. We do that by not taking care of ourselves. it's not selfish to take care of ourselves.
love and the full spectrum of light,
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
