The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is about how making an 8th are list, of people we have harmed, may include ourselves. I know over the course of time, when I became in a situation that was not healthy for me, or made a decision that was not good for me I did not see it as harming myself.
After having been in program for a few year, it has begun to feel more like decisions about my recovery: will I speak up for myself in a situation? or will I say yes when I mean no and then get resentful about it? Will I be able to express feelings of anger when I need to or will I stuff them inside until theres an implosion?
This page is also a reminder that as we become aware of areas to make amends to ourselves we may feel the need to try and change all the behaviors at once just as in recovery we can take the small steps we need to, also forgiving ourselves when we have not been able to make the changes we need to.
I know that when I am taking care of myself in the program with readings and reflection, communicating with my sponsor, when I am exercising and eating well, being honest with myself and others... I am taking care of myself. When I am not tending to myself in those ways, I can work on an amends to me.
Good Morning Mary when I made my first Step 8 list I placed myself at the top and continued to make amends to myself by: attending meetings, using the tools such as the slogans, alanon calls, reading the literature, and as well as 10th step review each evening. All this helped me to arrive at the place where I could see and accept the fact that i too had hurt others and owed amend.
I am truly grateful to this Step and the program for the freedom I now feel.
thank you for your service and do make it a great day.
Good morning MIP! Thank you Mary and Betty for your shares and ESH. Thank you Mary for the daily and your service. I too struggled to see 'me' as one I needed to makes amends to. I struggled even more to consider putting me first. Even though our program suggests we practice putting ourselves first in our lives and take care of self first, it felt so, so foreign. I had been practicing the opposite for most of my life and it was a difficult change to consider/practice.
Yet, trying as best I could to be lead by others who had what I wanted and came before me, I did do it. I still practice it each day. I am also a big believer in perpetual living amends, so as I rise each morning, I practice putting God and his will first and self-care/me right there as well. My ego and false pride was almost like a suit of armor I had placed around me that took each and every step to chisel away....
I too am grateful for the ability to work these steps, see me, make amends and work on the wreckage of my ways and find my value knowing that my HP truly wants me happy, joyous and free!
I am so excited to see the Sun here today...it may not last yet I'll take what I can get. We had a lovely sunrise and will experience a touch of spring again today - yahoo...I am off to a meeting shortly and may play golf later - just depends on the wind. Make it a great day all!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you Mary... this really resonates as I stuck my big foot in my mouth this weekend when I realized that something I said was entirely offensive.
I was called out on it and in an attempt to avoid shame, I argued.
Which created more shame.
And then I realized that my initial statement, unbeknownst, came from a place of bitterness and anger. *sigh* Yes, again. It didn't feel good and I couldn't undo it with my old bad habits....
I apologized and eventually was able to stop trying to explain myself to dig myself out of the place where I had firmly rooted.
Even after so many years, I guess I still haven't fully forgiven myself for not being able to help my exAH. I know this wasn't my job and yet, apparently, I have not fully given this to my HP. I hadn't realized that I still blame myself.
Progress, not perfection.
I'm grateful to be here and part of the MIP family.
