The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's Reading in Courage to Change is about the daily decision we have to make a positive contribution to our own sense of well-being. The author shares that, instead of focusing on what they cannot have or cannot do, they decide to take some action that will result in positive change. The author lists several options, including strengthening a relationship, asking someone to become their sponsor, attending a new meeting, writing a letter to a friend, read a book, and meditating on one of the 12 steps. The author is mindful that major strides toward progress often begin with very small steps, and has committed to taking one of those small steps today.
Today's Reminder:There are so many ways in which I can improve the quality of my life. Instead of fretting about what I can't have or can't do, I'll take action to create something positive in my life today.
Today's Quote: "To improve the golden moment of opportunity, and catch the good that is within our reach, is the great art of life." Samuel Johnson
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I can be overwhelmed by the distance between where I am and the positive change that I want or need in my life. What I like about today's reading is that it reminds me that positive change doesn't happen all at once. And, I do not have to take on the overwhelming or scary aspects of a needed change right now. I can focus my attention on making one minor change, and then another one, and another one. I can let myself move slowly, and only do each day what I am able to do, and when I do this, the big positive change I am looking for happens because I have made those small steps.
Today, I am going to write to a friend who I don't see often. We have had short exchanges, but a longer letter is past due.
What positive change are you going to make today?
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
I had just finished reading this online for today. The ones that stood out to me was strengthening a relationship and doing something I am afraid to do for exercise. Today I will make yet another dental appointment (procrastinating on this out of fear) and reach out and call a person I want to strengthen my relationship with. I will make that call this morning:)
I was feeling overwhelmed due to my cell phone crashing and frying all in it over a month ago. There are several numbers of old friends on there I want to make amends to, and reach out again to strengthen the relationships. I had to give this to God because there is just no way to find all the contacts I lost. Maybe I should also write a letter to those I have lost contact and give that to God too..........
Good morning MIP! Happy Hump Day to one and all. Thank you skorpi for the daily, your service and ESH. Thanks Tude also for your share and ESH. I am one of 'those' who showed up looking for fast/quick answers to all my problems. Boy - it had to be repeated to me over and over again that 'things' did not get as they are now in a short period of time and changes were going to come slowly rather than quickly. I am grateful for the gift of desperation though as it kept me coming back and willing to try small things to start the healing process.
I am still willing, one day at a time, to do/try small things for am improvement in my spiritual journey and recovery. Grateful for all the tools we have to keep us focused on what's important - the here/now - one day at a time!
It's darn cold here and we were to have snow - it missed us....I am OK with that. I am planning to hibernate today and get some stuff done around the house! Make it a good day MIP family!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I try to daily remember to do something for myself each day. I know I deserve it. I have to give something away too. They say you have to give it away to keep it &you can't give away something you don't have.I have been doing a lot of soul-searching & have discovered that I am selfish & self-centered. But I try to get out of self & help someone else.
W alcoholism in my life I forget to not engage in something that I have no control over.
It was our national day this week. My SO is a facebook denier, but I love it... for me it reconnects family and community. It is an almost daily reunion for me- exchanging messages and photos. It has reignited old friendships, and helped, slowly, to heal old family wounds.
I have cousins in a southern fishing town. I wrote a story about my memories there... and what I learned from my uncle. What I didn't say is that my uncle had hanged himself in 1972. I talked about the good times. The impact on the family was horrendous- and this reverberated back to me. In 1972 I lost two uncles, both vets, and both to suicide. [The other uncle was on mum's side.]
My oldest cousin, from the fishing town, is in a rest home. I would like to know if something happens here. Her younger sisters might tell me well after the event, if at all. So keeping in touch is a great boon.
I worried a little that my story might backfire. I knew my cousins would be at work, and would read the story in the evening. By then it had had about 40 hits and hearts from community members, many who knew the family. And yes- I got a lovely response- and memories of my dad too.
Thanks for your service, Skorpi, and all the shares above. I too see and saw even in the very beginning of my Al-Anon journey how taking small steps, in self care in particular, steps that taken alone by themselves don't mean much, taken together, lead to bigger improvements... This was not something I ever really thought of by myself.
The theme of patience rings a bell, very much so, with me. I used to think I was a very, very patient person, as I kept waiting for my ex-abf to not do things that I considered wrong, or to forgive and forget, again and again and again, very patiently waiting for the alcoholic to stop being an alcoholic... From today's perspective I don't know if this should even be called patience. In a way, perhaps, but not in any healthy way, I guess it was more like I was ignoring any boundaries I might want to maintain, convinced that things would eventually sort themselves out. It was very painful when I finally realized things are not going to get better if I just wait, in fact, things got worse.
I see that my patience regarding many aspects of my recovery is, by default, extremely limited. I am beginning to grasp that to know something (like, to read about something...) is absolutely not the same as to KNOW something, when that thing becomes part of me. This has been how I've thought of every area in my life, though, for as long as I can remember. So it took me about a year in the program to begin to see that real life doesn't really work that way, its not an exam where I can cram my head full of facts and "be ready". Honestly, this is weird for me to understand, but very necessary. I'm getting there, and it feels good to know I'm in the process of shedding another false belief!
IAH - I hadn't heard of Wednesday being called a Hump Day before, I really like this name, its funny :D
Hey Aline - we say it here all the time....since it's the middle day of a typical work week! "Over the hump we go"! You can start a new trend in your neck of the woods!!! ha.ha.ha.ha...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
this has me here thinking as i sit here about my very unrealistic (at times) expectations .. how often i say i want this or that (and take no action to get it or to try to strengthen the relationships) .. am i being honest with god myself and others ? just a reflection out loud as i am thinking of this now too .. as in, what was my 'real motive for all the years of complaining in self pity .. did i want the relationships ? or did i want the self pity .. have to reflect on this honestly and recheck my motive .. because i am only just now thinking how much did i really or do i 'really want those things including relationships i complained about not having .. the reality is i have not taken one step to even try to strengthen them. if i do want those relationships, (i claimed to have wanted for so many years) then why haven't i tried to strengthen them ? gives me much to reflect on .. (my sharing this is more about getting honest about my Real motives Than about the relationships even) thank you for sharing this and helping me find a little more possibility for mental, emotional & spiritual sobriety (metaphorically speaking) ..
this caught my attention too david .. I talked about the good times. The impact on the family was horrendous- and this reverberated back to me. (this i relate to; i also relate to talking direct about the event itself and having that be horrendous as well; times we were only allowed to talk about the good times and not mention what was right in front of our faces (more hidden truth) too many judgments (which was Really what was at the 'heart of the distorted thinking) .. just sayin our last funeral i listened to a distant relative say to her children we musn't cry ? so generational an aw the effects of this disease (confusion fear worry more) sure can travel around the rooms
-- Edited by MeTwo2 on Thursday 8th of February 2018 03:15:31 AM
Thank you for your service...especially today on this topic. I have gotten away from my program a little too far and am reaping what I sow. Its time to really concentrate on improving me and let some other less important things go. One day at a time and one step at a time.
Your post today has triggered a need in me to get away from some of my selfish ways. I wont pretend it will be easy, because there is a fine line between giving to others (financially, emotionally, and in general) and the enabling I am so very good at! I am also struggling with self worth and have found myself floating back into just being (RAHs wife) [He has earned a very high position which is a great achievement, but which also adds a great deal of stress back into both of of our lives].
Anyway, I often forget who I am is independent of who anyone else is and that we are all responsible for our own issues, our choices, and the consequences of our own behavior. We should not ride the coattails of others, but wear our own coats proudly, making important improvements slowly and with great consideration of our actions.
Today, I will work on me! Today I will strive to bring joy to as many other people as I feel I can reasonably and unselfishly give to, without imposing on my own happiness or joy. I will give only honest, genuine, and well deserved compliments and strive to avoid negativity. I will pray to God to help me overcome my personal faults and I will honestly look for a new group near our other residence.
I will also appreciate my time alone, which is such a part of the two residence thing we are living with, and do my best to make both homes places of joy and understanding of others, without judgment. I will strive to accept others as they are, without interjecting my unsolicited opinions on their personal issues, concerns, or problems.
I will also do my utmost to relate to my 18 year old daughter in only a positive light this one day and to let her make her own choices and her own mistakes, offering only motherly love and support, without judgment and unsolicited opinion.
Thank you Skorpi and all who contributed to this thread. I truly needed your words as a wake-up call and I will do my best to honor God, my program, and myself...just for today...one day at a time...because nothing changes if nothing changes.
-- Edited by Doingmybest on Thursday 8th of February 2018 06:50:26 AM
Hey there Doingmybest - great to see you again! Glad you are back with us and your plan sounds imperfectly perfect.....one day at a time!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
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