The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I give up on everything. The more I try to make my situation better, the more obstacles fly in the way. I was 1 of 110 people chosen for an entreprenuer program. My family said they would watch my daughter 3 evening per week while I was in the program, then decided to pull the rug out from under me. I was terminated from the program because I could not find someone to watch my daughter. My mother began her verbal abuse, calling me and screaming because I would not do as she pleased. She lives with an alcoholic and is drinking herself. Her thinking is very distorted. I moved in with a friend and have cut all ties with my family. I have tried many times to place boundaries with them, but they think they can do whatever they want to me. I don't have room in my life for that type of abuse any longer. It's very sad, but I have accepted that I cannot have a relationship with them.
I started with a temp agency to find an employer who is healthy. My daughter's school was closed today, as well as her daycare center. I called friends to see if they could watch my daughter, but no one returned my calls. I took my daughter into work this morning and they told me I could not stay with my daughter(she is 9). I had to leave and will not get paid, so there goes food money and gas money. I'm just trying to survive and take care of my daughter and myself. I have given up hope. I am so tired of trying.
Kissers, sometimes cutting all ties is the only answer left. To do otherwise and remain in a toxic relationship can lead to our downfall. I am truly sorry that you were cut from your program. It is so unfair, but remember...Mom has the right to change her mind about caring for your daughter. To bad she did it in an ungentle, unloving way.
No question you are having a hard go of it. I wish I could make all the sadness and disappointment go away. I surely would if I could. But I can say I am keeping you and your little girl close in my prayers, and I am offering you a tight hug.
I can see you are being challenged by forces beyond your control. It is hard to fight in the face of feeling defeated. You are not defeated. You have you, you have program, and you have your children. You're a great mom and obviously talented to be chosen for the entreprenual program. I am sorry for the losses you are going through. Timing seems to be everything. Maybe HP is asking you to look at something you missed. Maybe it's time to put perserverance into overdrive. Whatever reason this is happening there is a reason. You hang in there girl, you are stronger than you think. Take today slowly... you'll get through this. Keep sharing with us.
Big Hugs,
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Please don't give up, you and your daughter are just too precious. Take a rest, pick yourself up, dust yourself down and start all over again. God never gives us more than we can handle so you're obviously stronger than you think right now. I well know the feeling that the world and his wife are against you, when things just seem so bad and then the punches just keep on coming! I survived and so will you I'm sure. It is very sad that you no longer feel able to maintain a relationship with your family at this time, its hard but I understand that sometimes it's for the best. On the up-side, you're no longer willing to be abused and are taking care of yourself and your little one. Try to focus on the positives. You must indeed be someone special to have even got on that program...what an accomplishment. Ok, so because of circumstances you couldn't complete it but there will be other opportunities and maybe they'll be even better for you. I wish you well. Keep on keeping on.
Hello, kissers, This has been a disappointing time for you. I know how it is to give up, too. You are exactly where you need to be, here and in your life. Even giving up is an ok place to be right now. Make sure you make it to an Alanon meeting, find a sponsor, and start working the steps. Change will happen. Take it one day at a time, or even on moment at a time. I've had many times when I've had to do that. We're all glad you are here. Your sharing yourself helps each one of us, too, kissers. Keep coming back. Blessings, mebjk
I am sorry that you are having to go through all of this. I don't know if this will help any, but my AW went through very much the same thing as a single parent with a young daughter. Before we were married I saw that she had the same problems with her relatives, friends, and finding a good job. I know she was down to her last dime when her opportunity finally came and she made the most of it. She has done well ever since, even being an active A. One of the reasons I married her was I was so impressed and full of respect with how she handled all of the downturns and what a good mother she was to her daughter. She just kept trying and eventually it all worked out. I am sure that will happen for you also. I know it is so very hard when it seems that no one cares, but since you are here, I don't think any of us can say that anymore. Keep hanging in there!!!! Best wishes!!!!
I know how hard it seems when it looks like evreything is working against you. You know you have talent and you know you have drive. Look to a way to put them both to work. Look to your HP for guidance.
Being a single parent is the toughest thing of all, and unfortunately all employers do not seek to help that situation. There are those out there who will, you just have to find them. I know it is easier said than done, but it is possible.
You owe it to yourself and your daughter to keep trying.
I know myself when it seems like nothing is working and surviving is impossible, something almost always comes up. I have found I just have to keep my eyes and ears open and be opened to it.
You and your daughter are in my prayers. I hope and pray that you find the answers you need.
Oh, ((kissers)) what a horrible circumstance. I am so sorry that these things have happened.
I was told at a meeting that pain is an inducement to change within ourselves--perhaps a thinking change, a living change, whatever. Sometimes it's simply turning it over. It sounds like in your circumstance children and family services could be of some help to you? Having a spiritual awaking, which is what you are having, is sometimes painful. You are growing and you are changing. You are doing the best you can, where you are, with what you have. Please keep placing one foot in front of the other.
Thank you all for your encouragement and compassion. I know they can change their mind about caring for my daughter, but it was done because I was focusing on myself. They don't like it when I do. I am the scapegoat, so they find reasons to blame me instead of owning their unhappiness. I was always made responsible for their happiness. Well, I am done now. It is now my turn to make myself happy and not worry about not pleasing them or making a decision that they don't like. This is MY life to make ME happy. I have bent over backwards to please them, but it does not stop their verbal and physical abuse. I love them, but I will NO longer tolerate their behavior. They won't respect my boundaries, so I have chosen to protect myself. I have moved so they cannot find me. It has taken me a long time to work through the guilt of not having any contact with them. I deserve to be around people who treat me with kindness, so I am choosing to surround myself with loving people and letting the ones who are abusive go. God can take care of them. Enough is enough.
Good girl! We must let go of the relationships in our lives that leave us angry, sad, and broken. A person who lives just around the corner from me has been my friend for several years. She even moved from San Antonio from Albuquerque to be closer to my husband and me. I didn't hold a gun to her head, and I did not threaten to harm her if she didn't come here. She came of her free will. Well, she hates it here because it is a big city...Hello!!...and she is afraid to drive. She began taking her unhappiness out on me. Jabs here and there, unkind remarks that I got tired of hearing. Finally, nasty, viciousness, and last Christmas day it all came crashing down. I haven't spoken to her since then. I felt so guilty for a long time, but I finally realize I have been set free!!! Free from being pulled down into the bog. Free from having to weigh every word I spoke, and finally free from a toxic relationship. I have since come to realize that she is an A, and drinks almost constantly. But I don't have to deal with that.
You say, " It has taken me a long time to work through the guilt of not having any contact with them."
I can relate to that statement kissers. It took me a long time too, and the guilt nearly ate me alive. Now I AM alive, and so much better off for having stood up for what I think is right. And you are too.
You say, "I deserve to be around people who treat me with kindness, so I am choosing to surround myself with loving people and letting the ones who are abusive go."
Absolutely. Congrats to both of us for putting US first. We'll both be just fine.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
