The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Self expression vs. trying to control: The reading today explores the difference between voicing our own feelings, and using words to control others. The author says if he puts his opinion out, and then lets it go, he is speaking sincerely. However, if he repeats himself many times over, waiting to hear what he wants to hear, then he has lost his focus.
Today's Reminder: I am learning to be honest with myself. I will not use my recovery as an excuse to justify my efforts to change other people's thinking. Trying to control other people only gets me in trouble. Instead, I will promptly admit such mistakes and put my energy back where it belongs by focusing on myself.
Quote by Thomas a Kempis: We should have much peace if we would not busy ourselves with the saying and doings of others.
I have to admit I am laughing at myself thinking back to my behavior prior to program. I spent several years giving my A articles, meeting lists, suggestions, possible schedule changes to fit in help, etc., etc., etc. I did not see my obnoxious, controlling behavior. Heck no, for I was trying to help!!! I've had to learn a lot of lessons here, but all well worth it. Grateful member of Alanon , Lyne
Hello Lyne great topic Being able to express my opinion and allowing others to have a different one is a true gift of this program. I am so grateful that I did learn to Keep an open mind and allow others to do the same.
Thanks for your service
Thanks Lyne for your service, ESH and the daily. You too Betty! I too spent so much time/energy trying to help others 'get it'...I look back and shake my head at how unhappy I was all the while imposing my will/ego onto others. I too am grateful that today, I can allow others to have different opinions and ideas and celebrate that instead of fret over it or try to impose my ideas/opinions.
I'm grateful for the tools we get when we work this program. It is in recovery that I've learned how to separate me from others, and speak my truth based on where I am instead of what has happened. Life can be difficult yet using the tools helps me better navigate where I should go.
I am sad over the loss of a program friend. She decided that taking her life was her next right move. She had a loving husband and 2 young sons. There is that part of me that is trying really hard to understand that which is not understandable. And this reading helps as I know in my mind, there is nothing I could have done to help her - just have to connect that with my heart.
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you Lyne for the C2C and ESH. I certainly see myself in there and then some. I'm so grateful for the letting go of that type of control too. A work in progress here, not perfection. Working on that too.
(((Hugs IAH))) I'm so sorry for your loss. Suicide is horrible. It seems to take hostages........or at least it did me...this program has also helped in healing in that area...and you stated it very well how it feels. I could not have changed anything to stop my brother and it's been 20 years ago. The voices saying I should have, could have, wished I had and so forth...are no longer there. The heart though....may be getting there.
Prayers for you and the family. This "act" is so devastatingly violent to those it leaves in it's path.... Time truly does help but again.......it takes time to pass a bit..
Good morning, MIP, and thanks for your service Lyne.
Reflecting on my weekend and this reading, I am most thankful that I have learned to keep my mouth shut when I am not sure if I am expressing myself or trying to control others. That served me very well this past weekend.
(((IAH))) I have lost several friends to suicide. I am sorry to hear of your loss.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Thank you all for the support - I sincerely did not mean to derail the daily....I just poured what was in my mind/heart last night. I am still sad - praying also for the family.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I had to laugh at myself as well, as I was doing this last night to my teen-aged son! Late last night I decided to let this go, and then seeing this today I was like, "A-Ha!! You were doing that to KID!" He needs to follow-up on his college application regarding financials (which is always a trigger for my anxiety) and he just isn't. So I have been telling him, reminding him, cajoling him... you get the picture. In this instance it is hard to let go of this and allow my Kid to experience the consequences...ie: not getting into college.
Today's post reminded me of what I used to do with my AH. Before the addiction was "out," I took him to every doctor under the sun for all his various ailments... hoping one of them would talk about excessive drinking. Finally, when one did, my AH down-played it. That is when I knew our little family was in trouble. But I sat in denial for a long time. While I was in denial but the "secret" was out, I left articles, bought books, pleaded for him to see a doctor for medical detox... all to no avail. My mind was running in circles, 24 hours a day! I had lost focus.
Thank you for the reminder that even today, without my AH, I still need to follow this sage advice!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
So sorry IAH for the loss, and to any others who posted the same. I was in the field of mental health for many years, and am too familiar with this event. Always very sad, Lyne.
That served me very well this past weekend.