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Hi do they work? My AH ha been classed as a very severe cases but has been told it will be weeks. Can anyone recommend anywhere near guildford? He cannot cut down thank you
Hi Ling,
Private hospitals/detox or treatment? If the hospital has a treatment program, they can be a great help. Most have good programs, counseling, group therapy and AA meetings inside the center. It's a good jump start. I don't know how they work in your area but if he can get in......even if it's far away it would be beneficial.
Here is the deal though.........He has to want help and he has to make all the calls. In the meantime, take care of you. Go to as many meetings as you are able, work the steps and put you first.
I know that AA crisis folks will go to people to help them work through things. So if he's able he may want to contact AA directly to have someone come out and talk to him.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I called the AA hotline when I encountered a similar situation with my hubby. They were very responsive and arranged a hospital admission the same day Good Luck
The white pages has the listing AA inter group hotline . They in turn connected me with the hospital desk and all was resolved
Prayers on the way
Not sure where you live but Guilford, CT is where I live. My son went to Silver Hills, the best place he went was High Watch but he had to detox in hospital before High watch. New Haven ,CT has a place called turnabout that is covered by insurance. I wish you all the best.
Hi many thanks I'm guildford surrey UK! I didn't make myself clear sorry so if anyone knows a place not too expensive let me know. AH is in a&even waiting for doctors again hopefully they can transfer him but don't normally detox
AH is out of accident and emergency again (3rd or 4th time) and told to keep drinking. They can make phone calls to get help. It will be a week possibly for a phone call back and who knows what saythe waiting list is! He says he hates being diseased. Is it his choice to stop? I don't know anymore. It's a compulsion. He needs hospital as he's losing consciousness and it's affecting his brain!
I am also sending prayers and positive thoughts your way ling....I am sorry for the disease affects for you and your AH!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Went to docs last night cannot get AH into hospital for a good few weeks. He's been given addictive diazepam which helps the craving. An alcoholic friend just came round and they discussed it and just after she went he downed quarter of a bottle of vodka so he's out of it. I got mad and told him to go to bed. I'm sure the friend triggered it somehow don't know. Should he be talking to other alcoholics at the moment? I'm getting irritable and am not selfish and he's that ill. Help!
This group is primarily in the United States The rehab system is different here Primarily a lot of people go to rehab when they are referred by the criminal justice system Then they don't have a choice. There are other systems and some of them are available as a public health issue in general even people in the criminal justice system are waiting
There is no guarantee with a rehab but if your husband was in a detox he would be in a medically supervised detox.
The people in this group have been through rehabs divorce court mandated therapy the whole works Everyone here is a veteran if the alcoholic meltdown Nothing you are saying is new
In al anon we focus on ourselves. We go to groups or attend meetings online. We look for support for how we feel not for how the alcohol8c feels Alcoholics drink They drink when they are sad They drink when they are happy. They tend to blame others for their drinking. No one forced the alcohol down their throats
Whatever you are feeling be it anger resentment fear is a perfectly natural response to an.impossoble situation A double bind means whatever you do isn't the greatest choice
Some alcoholics go get recovery even at a late stage in their illness. Some don't I am sure there are predictors on who is likely to get sober and who isn't. If you go to an open AA meeting you can hear people share what got them into recovery There is a very mixed bag.
The help we give in al anon isn't about how to get the alcohol8c to.stop.drinking. The help is about how you are feeling how you are coping and how best to take care of yourself.
That isn't meant to be harsh but the reality is that if you do not take care of yourself generally no one else is going to.
That didn't mean that no one is sympathetic to what it takes to get someone into rehab. They are but the focus is on you not the alcoholic. That is where you will find the help in al anon.
(((ling))) I remember well when going through what you're facing. I realized my overwhelm of something I could not manage. The best thing I did was to ask for help and have someone else unburden me from this time frame.
I called his brother and insisted he take him until the slot for rehab could take him. His brother had young children at home too, but this could not be my problem. So the brother took him to their parents, who of course, were in denial of his condition - but this was not my problem either. They enrolled him at a rehab facility. They did this because I told them the other option for him was jail (not at my house with my daughter and me).
That was his first rehab admission.
His second rehab admission was in a private hospital exclusive for addicts. It was a lovely new facility, more posh than the first. and it was almost like a rehab "camp", where they were assigned homework and journaling. The first facility was like out-house camping where they had him scrubbing toilets.
It's not one facility over the other necessarily that makes it successful, but the journey and desire for recovery.
Some members of AA were doing their best to help him and others brought the party to him... both of which were out of my control. I could influence nothing. I could not love or wish things to become better - I was powerless. He was and is on his path and it has nothing to do with me.
If I tried to "help" him, it was just like taking poison and placing myself under his sinking Titanic. I use this reference because it is what helped me understand how it was critical for me to let go of things that I had a death-grip... still trying to right the ship. It helped me find a way to do that and I trust and pray if you keep reaching out for help -you will find something that can make this more manageable for you. Maybe there is someone in AA who will sponsor him and take him in??
Don't worry about what anyone thinks, do not worry if he is or is not with other alcoholics, please just keep doing the next right step for you. I urge you to include face to face meetings as part of your self-care.
Sending positive thoughts and prayers.
-- Edited by bud on Saturday 27th of January 2018 09:15:54 AM
Hmmmm... wondering if I misunderstood a bit.... you can't force him to do anything, but you can set boundaries for yourself. Prior to my exAH needing rehab, we lived in separate residencies. It was not safe for me and my daughter to continue to live under the same roof.
Maybe a good question to ask is what next step brings you safety and manageability?
I am sorry to hear of your struggles. I used to hold resentment towards others whom I believed "triggered" my loved one or were a bad influence. The truth of it was, the alcoholic is going to do whatever they want to do until they decide they are ready to get help and no one was responsible for them but them. Likewise for myself, until I was ready to make some changes in what I was doing, how I was reacting, then I was completely overwhelmed. Nothing changes if nothing changes! Valium is often prescribed to prevent someone whom has stopped drinking suddenly so that they don't experience any seizures from sudden withdrawl. They are not intended for cravings nor to be mixed with alcohol. I encourage you to seek out support for yourself. Most of us cannot cope with this disease alone.
Just checking in on you Ling. Serenity is correct. The valium (or other benzos) are used in detox and/or to prevent seizures. Mixing them will cause more issues and yet in it all........I hope you will give alanon all you have, place all your energy into the program vs into your husband. Give the gift of Alanon to yourself and in doing so it helps him more than anything else you could possibly do at this time.
I can't sit and watch him die. I asked his friend a recovering alcoholic if an alcoholic can choose not to drink and he said yes because he has stopped before. That's told me my AH is on very quick self destruct. He's now got 'wet brain' slipping in and out of consciousness. Don't think he's up to making a decision about private hospital but they say he has to speak to them. I told them he keeps saying we can't afford it (we could if he really want to - his pride) and he wants to keep waiting and waiting. It's only day one of docs but he's not cutting down an inch. I don't think the rehab centre are happy and it would take approx 10 days. Help
If he is slipping in and out of consciousness, can you get him to an emergency department? Maybe by ambulance?
It sounds like a critical health situation. Let the doctors assess his condition and see what they recommend. They may or may not be able to do anything, but I hear you wanting to know you are doing everything you can.
I don't know the system in UK, but in the US I have done this when someone's mental status became odd... physically weak, suddenly saying things that made no sense, etc. I'm sure he didn't want to go, but when the ambulance came, he went.
Please don't try to handle this alone. Get some professionals onto your team if you can.
You can call his general practitioner and explain the situation.
There may be mental healthc9mmunity workers who can help.
Forcing someone into the hospital is a legal issue the decision is made by a d9ctor
As regards watching someone die. I have certainly seen people die of alcoholism in various ways I have not sat through the whole process with them. Certainly alcoholism is a terminal disease. There are people who want to die they do not want recovery. That is a very difficult situation to face
Nevertheless fi r many of us it was a reality. The better support you ha the less pain ful it is
I live not far from you in Surrey and just sent you some info via private message about nhs funded treatment you might not have come across. Let me know if you need more info.
They do encourage AA/Alanon but not exclusively so not sure if I can post about it on here - can other board members advise me?
Clara75 - we do our best to align with Al-Anon yet we welcome any information/suggestions you may have to help another. Does this help? In other words, you can post and if there is an issue, you won't be in any trouble - just might ask for an edit....(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you Iamhere. There is an organisation called inclusion based in Surrey and Hampshire - I think the closest place to you Ling is aldershot but there may be one in Guildford. They are community based rather than residential but have councillors, Doctors, therapists and other staff and offer a wide range of support and treatment for addiction. They are nhs funded but not many GPs seem to know abou them. My partner is an alcoholic and they have helped her, and me enormously - she has been in private rehab twice before. As I said they encourage AA but it is not exclusively a 12 Step programme.
If you want to know any more let me know and Iâll help as much as I can. Take care of yourself.
Ive heard of them but he is now registered with i-access and he's got his assessment on Monday. Who knows after that. Hes comatozed constantly. He's got to cut down by then and doesn't seem to want to. So it's whether he will make it! Ive got to go to work and hope hes ok when i get back. He's back in touch with female friends who won't stop either and not telling me.
That's a lot for you to deal with ling. Your only one person and you can't cure this or control it and you didn't cause it either. I'm not sure about rehab in UK. I know there's the priory but think that is quite expensive. I do know we are very lucky for recovery program meetings for us. Those effected by alcoholism. Check out meehings at alanonuk. They are in cities and towns across the UK. I stay in a relatively small town and there is a meeting I could go to every night and all within an hour away. He is going to do what hes going to do either drink or not or go to rehab or not. It's up to him. If he's conscious enough to go get drink then there's not a lot you can do. The only real help I know about for alcoholics is when a family member gets recovery learns to not enable sets a good example by living their own life fully. Then there's a chance but while it's all eyes focused on him all that attention and drama and concern and sympathy then it's doubtful anything will change for him. He's safe to drink wgile others are worrying if you known what I mean. So if you really want to help go to alanon meetings. Learn a different way to handle this and there may be hope for your family.
I'm not sure if AH is pacifying me as he went to work today,rang someone, bought me chocolate etc but now has had to go to bed completely gone just an hour after I came in. He says he misses me and that he has cut down. Don't want to get stalemate and stuck...
