The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I had some insight this past weekend and was able to share about it at my meeting which was helpful. I've noticed that my life has become unmanageable again. Ever since I worked the first step with my sponsor I have this little mental check list to see how unmanageable my life has become based on who I defined that I know it is unmanageable. My list includes: 1. Focusing on others and losing sight of myself. Embarrassingly the worst of this can include constantly thinking about my AH or others all day and when someone asks me about myself and I respond with info about someone else (like my AH) that is a true sign that my life is unmanageable. 2. As a result of the first sign I am behind on things I need to do just for me. I have missed medical appointments, going to the gym on a regular basis or work is piling up because I cannot focus during the day. 2. I start to over do it with "helping" others. Which is a nice way of saying I am doing things for others that they can do for themselves. Suddenly everyone in my life appears helpless and I feel exhausted and that is usually because I have taken on things that are not or should not be my responsibility. 3. I isolate myself from others. I don't do it intentionally but it just sneaks up on me and pretty soon I find myself huddled up in my house not wanting to go anywhere or do anything. I realized this weekend that I could check off all three items. Things overall have been going a lot better with my AH and I and I believe it's because I had a life without spending all my time focusing on him. But recently I got over focused. I lost my footing and slipped into old patterns with him and I could see how he slipped back into his role too. Darn darn darn. But I also caught myself much more quickly this time. I could see I was making myself miserable and losing touch with myself. I realized this Saturday night. I went to bed miserable. But this awareness made me shift my focus. The next day I went to the gym and did what I wanted to do there, I did what needed to be done at home but then chose to take care of myself instead of responding to everyone's demands. I went out with friends and connected with people and that was really good. I am grateful to this program for this awareness in my life.
Life is so much easier to know what is and is not my stuff to deal with and when I have stepped outside of my own boundary. I have caught myself in this spin this past month and UGH .. you know how am I really doing?
Thank you for the reminder that I need to remember that I have needs that need to be addressed and others can and will take care of themselves. I had to have a difficult discussion about money and books for my oldest. Helping is not covering the costs and after last semester I am not going to be the collateral damage on that end.
The thing I love about the program is how fast I can become aware and that's such a blessing .. so good on you for taking care of you!!
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Hi KT as you know recovery is a process. Your awareness is an indication that your program is solid and all you need is to keep practicing Thanks for sharing the journey
THIS: But I also caught myself much more quickly this time.
This shows progress! Like Betty said, you have a solid foundation and know (and then do) what needs to be done to stay on track!
Good job! Thanks for the reminder... I like your check-list!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
(((KT))) - great, great awareness and acceptance. You've also taken action already. I think it's so 'real' for all of us to know/experience that this is a process and we're focusing on progress and not perfection. Your checklist is awesome - I like it as well.
You got this - and you are not alone!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Great post and I find I do best with some routine - exercise, sleep, healthy food, meetings - and some deliberate non-routine, such as getting together with different friends, trying something new. When I fall out of sync is when I start going down a bad path.
I've been a bit off this week, partly sinus junk and awhile ago I got "the call" I had been dreading...I see now another reason my emotions have been bouncing more than usual.. the main A in my life that is having crisis at the moment is the main one my HP used to get me back into Alanon.
The court date is finally tomorrow to see if she keeps or loses her license. With the help of my sponsors suggestions, I am not going to court with her. I have been in hopes someone from AA would.....odd that no one is......but it is what it is. Turns out she told me this morning she's been driving on a suspended license since the 11th of this month to get to meetings and work. She doesn't get the license back until the court ruling and......she may not get it back.
The "fixer" in me has been really feeling sorry for her that she's going to court alone. She asked me if I could drive her to the courthouse. I did tell her I would drive her to the courthouse and drop her off. I am not going to court with her. It feels like a huge release just getting past the not going to court issue.
I'm trying really hard to stay out of tomorrow and into today. It's not easy.....the decision the court makes may fall on H and I to ask her to make plans to live elsewhere other than our property as soon as this week. We are rural and there's no way I can be a taxi service.......This will bring in a lot of unwanted family junk to deal with should it turn out this way so soon.
More work to do in me to leave it all in the unmanageable dept. Look at step 2 and see where the insanity of jumping in would be........and turn it over to God. Keep doing the next right thing in my own life.
KT, thank you for the post and all the other responses. I'm so grateful for this program and all in it! It is what keeps my sanity today!
KT and Tude - One Day at a Time... Together! Go us!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
