The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading in courage to change is about points of view. The author shares that they had struggled when someone else would express a point of view different from their own. The author used to take disagreements over different points of view personally, and felt that one point of view just had to be wrong. (Not their own point of view, of course!) This lead the author to defend their own position and engage in arguments.
Now, the author realizes that different points of view are a gift, because no one person's view can be totally complete. With Al-Anon, the author realized that they do no have to spend all day trying to convince anyone else of their opinion. With work in the program, the author developed confidence in themselves and respect for other people's right to be confident in their own opinions.
The Quote is "Think for yourself and let others enjoy the privilege of doing so too." Voltaire
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I grew up in a very judgmental home. My mom's opinion was always the right one, anyone and everyone who disagreed with her was wrong. Doubting myself and my own point of view was a way of life. In living with an active alcoholic, I didn't have confidence in my own opinion. I thought I must be wrong about what I thought or felt or believed, because my A was so sure of her point of view, and it was so different from mine. Al-Anon helped me to appreciate that my point of view was not wrong, it was just different, and that I had a right to live in a way that was in accordance with my point of view.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Thank you Skorpi for the daily, your ESH and your service. I too grew up in a very judgmental home and my thoughts and opinions were almost always discounted - youngest child and only daughter/girl. I actually rebelled as I believe I really wanted to be heard. I certainly learned early on to find comfort and more in all the wrong places.
For whatever reason and cause, I was a 'right-fighter' most of my life. I actually would argue or debate until I won and that included leaving victims in my wake. I was a huge crazy-making right-fighter until it no longer worked for me and I found recovery. It is in recovery that my sponsor helped me understand that 1+6 = 7 yet so does 2+5 and 3+4. There really are more ways than mine to arrive at the desired destination.
I believe that finding an open mind, and realizing that different is good gave me insight into new ideas in recovery. It really never occurred to me that I did not have to join every fight I was invited to and that I didn't have to build myself up by finding fault in others. Allowing others to be who they are was a foreign concept to me and I am grateful that Al-Anon has helped me reshape my attitudes, values and views.
Happy Wednesday to one and all - I am finally feeling a bit more human....this flu is wicked and I would not wish it upon anyone! Take good care all and stay warm!! It's super cold outside here and my poor parents from a warmer client are struggling to get/stay warm!!! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you, Skorpi for your service, and thank you both for your ESH on this topic.
I love this topic b/c as a self-proclaimed "fact-finder," it was always so easy to be a "know-it-all." My first round with Al-Anon 7 years ago helped me to realize that even if I did know the correct answer, it wasn't needed for me to correct anyone... or to announce the answer so that I could be heard as "smart." It did help me to accept that others had a right to their opinions, even if what they were saying was based in fallacy.
The ironic thing is, since that time, over the years of living with my AH, this tendency to be "right" got stronger and stronger due to his constant gas-lighting as the disease progressed. I just had to know I was right, b/c what he was presenting me with just didn't make sense! It was truly maddening.
Now I know, had I stayed with Al-Anon, I wouldn't have "needed" this undesirable trait to raise it's ugly head... I would've had the tools to stand in my knowledge and know that it was right and good! Ah, live and learn!
Enjoy this Wednesday... it's supposed to climb into the high 80's here! Ugh!!!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Ugh - my father was extremely right all the time (so he thought) still is. Worse: I'm finding myself getting that way as I get older! I'm glad I'm not alone - and at least I can acknowledge it's an issue... now I work on fixing it...
Hi Skorpi I too grew up in a a family where only one opinion was correct and if you disagreed you were WRONG. Thanks to alanon's wise practice of allowing everyone to share without cross talk, I have learned to keep an open mind and allow in ideas I once would have rejected and I am ever so grateful.
Thanks for your service
Thanks for your service, Skorpi, and all the shares above. I also can relate to this reading a lot. I used to think - if I could just EXPLAIN myself clearly enough, no one in the whole world could disagree with me (and if they did, they were just nutters)! Ha! I've cooled down some since beginning to work this program. This trait for me really seems to be tightly connected with my inability to trust my own judgment enough... Something I'm trying to work on.
my A. was a classic black and white thinker- "my way or the highway".
I thought that was the norm... to have a clear direct viewpoint... In the rooms I was able to take on board different viewpoints- that is true for them. And this is a true for me...
okay... and yes there is always room for agreement on some items... when I learned to communicate... ...
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