The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Will the real me please stand up! I never really held back. I would sit on the edge of my seat at a meeting waiting for my turn to share. Not sure about the quality of my share- but that was not the reason why I was there! My personal boundaries were formed in an alcoholic home. The territory in Alanon was so very familiar. But there was a place to go with my thoughts and feelings.
Next week I am planning to go to a volunteer course- to brush up on listening skills, and body language. I lot of my recovery now I do online. But i do keep my feet on the ground here too. Getting more involved in Alanon locally.
The course organisers wanted to know what organisations supported me to I put down ACA and Alanon Family Groups. I don't recall Alanon members around here ever going to an outside course. I am trying to work out if this is allowed under the traditions.
I would be interested to hear ESH from members here. In many ways this is neutral territory for me.
Awesome David G...I did that myself as for me it fell under the theme the courage to change the things I can. I would not have been able to do it with the same brain, thoughts, feelings and actions I arrived with and I would need the help of others guaranteed and so I chucked off my resistance attitudes and went after the people who knew and knew that they knew what the heck this alcoholism and drug addiction atmosphere was like and I also wanted direly to know the one person I had lived my whole life with and knew nothing about...ME!! What you are planning to do was the most important endeavor I decided to do myself. Today I know who I am, what I am, where I came from and what happened back there and which I brought forward with in me as I grew older. There is an old biblical suggestion of "Know Thyself" which I remember from long long ago. I think it soooo important. Good luck on this journey and let us know the real you also...It can only mean I could appreciate and like your more. ((((hugs))))
Alanon and the addiction counselors I am seeing alone and with various family members, are all helping me see who I really am, the good with the bad. Courage to change is indeed an important factor in seeking health and growth. Whatever positive steps we want to try are all worth seeking. It took years and lots of people to damage me, and it's taking years and lots of people to help me heal. ODAT! Lyne
David - good on you......I do recall several moments in my recovery where I felt change and felt more authentic. I do believe now that the 'real me' is the one that shows up most days! That's what I go for and how I try to live.
As far as your coursework question - I've never felt a 'burning desire' to include my program/recovery efforts on anything outside of recovery. For me, that keeps it simple in my complicated brain. I typically follow the 'when anyone any where reaches out....' mantra and keep recovery private unless I am asked for help.
Great topic and questions!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Lyne I have learned that what you are doing and how is about trust and the absence of fear which for me is what love is. Your love is allowing others to help and support you and hold you up...how incredible!! The consequences as you continue will be earth shaking. For me when I first started the process you are on, I had no options for fear. I just didn't want to die still standing up and while I was insane...I couldn't feature that happening so I went after the real me and besides myself others were greatly surprised and happy. I used to live in a neighborhood that considered me "Crazy" and spoke behind my back to it and warned others to stay away from me. It is who I was acting out to be at that time while the disease held firmly to me and I didn't know. I am in support of your courage to do this and pray for your success. You go girl who ever and what ever the real Lyne is. ((((Hugs))))
Learning how to Listen to learn and keep an open mind I developed as I sat in daily alanon meetings trying very hard to embrace the tools of being non judgmental or a know it all or a critique . I used the slogans to keep me focused on the speaker, and the NO Cross Talk rule helped tremendously . I always say I learned how to use alanon tools at alanon meetings and then brought then out int to world. How grateful I am
DAVID i DO NOT BELIEVE THAT THE TRADITIONS FORBID YOUR ATTEMPTING TO DEVELOP YOUR SKILLS IN WHAT EVER FORMAT YOU BELIEVE WILL HELP YOU.
Thanks Betty- the illness can hit anyone and any family. In the wider Alanon we have members with top flight professional skills.
And yet in the rooms we are always all the same and equal. Two of our local groups fell over. I was in both. Maybe, just maybe i could have saved the day.
Maybe If I had better assertive skills- that is being positive and self-assured. These are not words we usually choose to use in Alanon. I am sure we do say
the same thing with other words. Like with any group or organisation there are nay-sayers. These individuals seemed to exist everywhere for me- because of my
background and my own state of mind.
I was a baby boomer- born after the war... and i saw the old oldtimers being bossy -my way or the doorway- type of people. Our hometown group fell over when I encountered one of these people and I backed off. I loved and cherished the old oldtimers I came through with.
I was always wishing we could cut through all the rigmarole and Alanon dogma and stick with ESH as the first priority. Reciting the steps, traditions and the concepts at each and every meeting seemed just too much.
Here again our lives lacked structure for so long we needed security and reliability.
There is a balance here which each group must achieve over time. Life together in a group is a mighty thing. I was lucky and was in two successful groups from day one. And this taught me that we each needed to pitch in to make the group work.
This MIP Alanon works well- our members are drawn from all over the place- so the wisdom and experience, drawn together is vast and wide.
As with tradition 4 we have our own brand- but is is more like a department store than a corner shop.
And it has turned out to be my home group... a place i can turn to at any time...
Looking at my heading- humph...! Because I take me out into the world I do take Alanon with me. I don't have AFG tattooed on my forehead. The way I operate inside of meetings and organisations is a reflection of the large amount of time inside of Alanon.
I think back into the Maori language- E tu! Stand tall! "Tama tu tama ora, tama noho tama mate." Stand up and you live- sit down and you die.
Some of our elders are also AA and Alanon members. In this arena I am a chief too. Well respected- and listened to. Because I speak from experience. I speak from the heart- as I was taught to.
Learning assertiveness inside an alcoholic or addictive home??? Well we have all bin there and done that. Without help it is impossible, really.
I have a chance this morning to be in contact with former members of Alanon- at my old local church. I sometimes love to sit with them- and to chat. To talk is to act but, in the end, we do have to put out money where our mouth is- and step out.
I have named my topic and claimed my space in the rooms here.
A step 10- a catch up... stepping out with pride... thanks Betty, Jerry and y'all.
I think it is pretty common for meetings to undergo problems. I lived in San Francisco.for a time. There were 450 meetings a week at one time. Now there is a lot less.
I have been in numerous recovery groups that encountered significant problems. I don't think I would expect anything else these days. Expectations are really what trip me up.
I have been had a number of therapists some better than others. Right now I am looking for one. I don't expect it to be easy. I he the task lightly. That is one of the difficulties to hold the task lightly
If you don't feel you can say al anon you could mention 12 step programs. I don't think it is a big test but something to acknowledge you have been willing to go out there.
I think it 8s great news to be willing to learn new skills. They were all skills in an ideal world you could get from your parents. It takes tremendous courage to be willing to change
(((((((((((((((David)))))))))))))))) good on you and I go with Betty on this one....You develop your skills in what ever way you need to if it helps you.....I would love to do some "workshop" stuff, but nothing , so far, has come up in this area....its all "churchie" stuff around here and I do not support organized religion, so in the bible belt, here in TX I am limited...oh well, so far I can pick up the phone and chat with recovery mates and my 2 kids are in recovery so we chat, compare notes, etc......and I need to be a better listener as well....I was denied the right of speach for so long, it shows sometimes in my convos with others, like I am so eager to offer up my share, its waaay better now then used to be, but i could use some more practice................you go for it, my friend HUGS