The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Put up the tree and am decorating with the kids. My ex-AW is away at rehab and this is usually her big project and she is really really good at it. Everyone looks forward to it because she is so into it. Now they're stuck with me. I'm doing my best but it pales in comparison. And I did not anticipate how much this would make my heart hurt. I haven't wept in weeks but too many memories hitting me today and I had to stay in the garage for a bit. I know this will pass so I'm just going to try to make the most of it right now.
(((Westman))) - sending you tons of positive thoughts and prayers. Holidays are still hard for me and I do find this is when I up my 'game' as far as my program. I too get sad and the memories are intense. It does get easier yet I at times still wonder why us? Hang in there - it will pass and I am certain your best job is perfectly great for the kids!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
(((Westman))) I am right there with you! Except our new place is too tiny to even have a tree. It was really making me sad, but my brilliant son told me, "Mom, we could do a really cool light tree on the wall, & hang our favorite ornaments from that!" He then showed me a picture of what it would look like, and it DID make me feel better, b/c it's gonna look very cool... kind of like an art installation type of thing.
This will be the hardest part of the year for us... first holidays without our spouses... stay strong, be gentle with yourself (allowing to have your feelings), and keep the positivity high for your kids... even if you think it pales in comparison. Remember, you are making NEW good memories... you are doing great, you got this!
Namaste
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
here is a thought..start a new tradition that is you this year. Like fill a bowl with positive/alanon sayings and have each guest take one or ??? make a decoration yourself and hang it. etc
hugs to you..u will make it through this tough period
I had to change my.expectations about the holidays. I had so mny #needs# ariund them
I had to sift through my needs and.wants. i also.had to take full responsibility for.myself. i.always felt victimized and bullied. Then I had to work on deescalating. Al.anon.is a big help.in.slowing things down.and.de escalating.
I had to stop and start traditions all the time because of my XAH's insanity and the disease. It's OK for things to be different. It's also OK to weep, to cry, to yell and to scream. I did all those things. Sending you lots of support this week and as we move along through the holiday season.
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
In support, holidays will pass and new traditions are always fun, letting go and being present is a hard combination to master in the middle of the unexpected. Big hugs. :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I relate to self-loathing. And to grieving the loss of my marriage, even long before we decided to divorce because in my case, my dreams for the marriage never unfolded.
Before pursuing divorce, I had begun journaling about my new dream of what a peaceful life would "look" and especially "feel" like. I got very specific, I even wrote about what it would "smell" like and I would go visit those smells (flowers.) I would seek out "sunbeams on water" and feast my eyes on it, and walk among garden paths. I wrote and dreamed about that peaceful feeling for years and it is uncanny how much of it materialized, especially the experience of living in peace.
When life is feeling "unmanageable" ... like you cannot manage.... we have the option of turning to a power greater, to the Manager running the entire universe. It is pointless to have a higher power if I don't ever "use" it.. so for me, it is the beginning of befriending myself and asserting self-compassion... when I'm hurting, I need a friend, not that old negative, critical voice in my head. It's a time of being a friend, or my own worst enemy. when life is feeling unmanageable, I often put my hand over my heart and say, "I am here for you" ...it is the beginning of responding to my needs (self-responsibility.)
If you re-read your post, you will see some crap you are saying about our recovery friend (((westman))) who is a work in progress, building peaceful new dreams for himself
I know the tree is probably over and done by now, but consider you might have just strung some popcorn and cranberries on the tree... (the kids and I used to do this outside for the birds) ...or collect new ornaments to reflect what you and the kids like, that could be fun... give it a theme... let your imagination run wild. LIVE the life you imagine, don't wait for happiness to come to you.... create it....
Begin simply by writing about it. This gave me a happy reason to get out of bed in the morning (((hugs)))
-- Edited by 2HP on Wednesday 29th of November 2017 09:40:33 PM
