This has been the craziest week and I think I pretty well kicked my program out of the window.  Actually it was a way crappy start to the week. 

My daughter had a serious lack of aduling and has now been handed the mantel of this is so not my problem as a result.  She's got some serious consequences at the moment and is in a bit of shock.  I hold a certain amount of responsibility because somewhere I have allowed her to believe my time is her time and that's just not reality.   

Tuesday was my birthday.  My son text me from a sleep over at 1230am to make sure he wished me happy birthday.  My daughter who was full of excuses never even said happy birthday (I was annoyed that day I was not furious).  My BF never even said happy birthday that day and I finally asked him if he was forgetting something and he said no.  He giggled so I kind of expected not something huge however flowers, card, gift card, nothing expensive though.  We are both on a tight budget.  I got a card.  I don't mean to sound ungrateful however after so many years with my XAH .. I'm telling you I am not going down the no acknowledgement and a gift of some kind.  It's not only a trigger for me that's a deal breaker. 

So Wednesday was pretty much nuclear.  Her boyfriend made the mistake of getting involved because I knew they were together at that hour and I called his phone.  Again that was Wednesday, that was the same day I left the meds with the poor kid at the front desk.  LOL.  Her boyfriend text with a very lame excuse as to why he didn't answer his phone.  Had he stopped at I apologize for not answering the phone I would have had some respect for him.  I have zero at the moment and the pup tried to exert dominance in the situation .. he's still looking for his tail and I was good.  I didn't totally neuter him however he learned an important lesson.  I was age appropriate, however clear.  That was two hours after my verbal explosion which I am not proud of, she was beyond out of line.  It is probably the first and I hope to God only time I actually do go nuclear with her.  It's not good for a relationship although it sure helps with boundaries .. lol. 

I pretty much decided Wednesday to back out of plans with my bf because I just was not in the mood to people, on any level.  I have to remember he's very new at a lot of things when it comes to a relationship.  The bigger issue is that he is so not smooth .. we are talking broken glass smooth .. lol .. I think I love him more for that at times.  He was trying to surprise me at his parents house with an intimate gathering and since he's never done something like that before he bungled badly.  Had he just said happy birthday let's do something later, or a single flower, and a gift card for my starbucks habit .. I honestly would have been thrilled and not expected anything else.  It's not about the money it's about the thought.  One of the conversations we had was I don't want a repeat of my marriage and birthdays, holidays are important to me, it didn't need to be fancy just thoughtful.  If my XAH remembered I usually had my "gift" unwrapped thrown at me in the bag.  Part of my own self care is am I with someone who is valuing me.  Had the stuff with my kid not happened then I think I would have been more laid back about things, this was the icing on the non existent birthday cake.  Oh I picked my son up from an extended sleep over, I cooked dinner and I was exhausted by the end of the day, to which I got to look forward to getting up at 430am and driving into school to do what should have been done that day again. 

My daughter did wish me a happy birthday on Tuesday after I reminded her it was my birthday.  My son gave me extra hugs and kisses because bf didn't even take him to get me a card .. lol.  I'm telling you .. my work folks were wonderful .. they got me a cake and card, and we had a good time.  There was a pre-thanksgiving deal.  It was FUN.  So that part of my day was great .. I came home .. LOL .. I should have stayed at work. 

Thanksgiving was lovely and his parents are very kind sweet people.  Even though I wound up having a mini tantrum before Thanksgiving no one witnessed it except my bf .. LOL.  I went from I'll drive with youngest and me (his truck has been disgusting as of late .. I was not spending 1 1/2 hours in it to and from) to I'll just drive down later which he knew meant I wasn't going .. period.  He fessed up and we talked about smooth as broken glass .. lol. 

I have a trauma question going on I'm going to do that in a separate text this is about my daughter and XAH. 

Thanks for letting me vent.  I just am really trying to recover after a very trying week.  I am so glad there are another 2 days to relax and I will for the most part be on my own. 

Hugs S :)