So I get two cards on Thanksgiving from my AH's mother. One for myself, and one for my kid. Both have a $20.00 in them. So I called up my MIL to thank her, and I ask why the money? She told me she just feels so bad about this situation, and she loves us and wants to help out, but that's the best she can do.

Awe, so she doesn't hate me! Of course I thank her, and then have some polite conversation.

Then she updates me on my AH. He is currently in a rehab facility close by. It will be 30 days on Dec. 2nd. He has lost about 15 pounds, and loves it there. Very structured, but that is good for him, she says - she's right!! The family recently found out that the landlord will be raising the rent $350.00 (gasp!!), so they weren't sure how to "break it" to him. But his counselor there told them not to worry about it, they will take care of it. About two hours later he called her and said he understood that this was one of the consequences to his drinking, and he knew he couldn't keep the house... so he was going to give his family a list of things he especially wants, and then he told her to tell ----- to take whatever she wants (meaning me). They were floored!! You see, one of the best things about leaving him and going mostly no contact was that he had to rely on his family for the 2 1/2 months before he went into rehab, and they got a FULL DOSE of what I had been living with (and covering up) for years! It only took them 2 months to detach with love and go no contact.

Now of course, my AH almost killed himself with the drink. His assessment of 60 days has been re-evaluated for a "longer period of time, then sober-living." He has some real medical issues that still need to be addressed. I guess his liver stopped functioning, but they feel it will recoup. I told her that if they (or his counselor) think it is appropriate, please tell him when they see him on Thanksgiving that his son and I are happy he is finally getting the help he needs... but ONLY  if it won't cause future projecting. I really don't want him to get an idea that we will be taking him back (I did not say this to MIL)!

My MIL also shared that she went to one of the facilities family meetings, and he showed up! Sat next to her while they held the meeting. At one point the moderator was asking for people to share. No one said anything. Then my AH stands up and she said he recounted his whole story... that he seemed very honest and straightforward... that he admitted to being an addict and not only that, but it had been a period of 20 years!! YIKES! That was news to me!!! But, not really. After his last rehab (for meth) he shared with me his "storyboard." At the time, the perfectionist in me wanted to cry out, "But you have had these behaviors for far longer than that!" In fact, when I was 4 months pregnant, I almost left him. He never knew... in fact no one ever did. But I had it all planned out. It was the FEAR of being a single parent that kept me there. And of course, there was a long period of normalcy after that, so I thought I was "crazy" for thinking the way I had. Now I know that my gut was right all along!! Call it intuition, whatever, but I WAS RIGHT!! I yell this, b/c in the beginning this second time, I heard a lot of "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?" Which is a totally valid statement...you cannot argue or reason with an addict. So I chose to be happy & I quelled the urges to be right. Of course, now I know that I don't always have to be right... a very good feeling, really. But to be honest, I feel vindicated!! FINALLY!

As for myself, I went to sign the divorce petition, but in changing that petition from a legal separation to a divorce, there were some questions about assets and debt that was incurred during the marriage, so I have to get those questions answered first... then I sign and it goes to court for approval - takes about a week - then I'll have a sheriff serve the papers to my AH in the rehab. What better place to get them, right? He'll have people there to help him with the emotions that will certainly come up. But from the tone of what he is saying to his mother, I don't think he will contest anything. At least I hope not... I don't want to go to court.

Mostly though, his "honesty" in front of his mother only confirms for me that I don't want to live with a compulsive liar anymore. To not have that trust in your spouse is a deal-breaker for me... no matter how much I work on myself!

Now I am just going to meetings, reading here, and trying to live one day at a time. I now have to move the rest of my stuff from the old house before the landlord closes it up. I am currently swimming in debt, and I don't know how to get out. I worked so hard to build my credit ( in our marriage, we've had a bankruptcy and of course the 2 years of unemployment/rehab of spouse)from the depths... so I am especially angry at this aspect of being married to my AH.

Thanks for letting me vent!