The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading is about the act of service, or an act of kindness. The author shares that doing something nice for someone else without them knowing about it, and without expecting to get anything back in return is a strategy they used to build their own spiritual well-being. Engaging in a good and loving gesture helps to make the world a better place, and our own self-esteem grows because we can feel good about our actions.
The quote is from Mechtild of Magdeburg: "I was created in love. For the reason nothing can express my beauty nor liberate me except love alone."
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A few years ago when I was new to Al-Anon, I found myself frustrated at work because my co-workers didn't make a fresh pot of coffee when they took the last cup and did not keep the common kitchen area clean. I found myself resentful, judgmental, and short-tempered. I took this way of being to all aspects of my job. Then, one morning, I thought about one of the Al-Anon tools I had been learning about in my home-life: Keep the focus on myself and my actions. And I asked myself what I was doing to make the situation better. It turned out that I wasn't doing anything but complaining, so I decided to begin each day by cleaning the coffee area and making a few pots of coffee. I started out frustrated, and grumbled, my self-talk was full of complaints, but I persisted. After a few months, I decided that I had time to wipe down the kitchen in the morning while waiting for my oatmeal to cook. Slowly over time, making this part of my routine and defining it as service changed my outlook and my approach. I am no longer resentful and I see my service as an important part of my daily routine at work. Most of my co-workers do not know that I do this, but I am able to begin each day with an act of service that makes the day a little better for everyone in my office who drinks coffee and uses the kitchen. Most importantly, I have seen how a routine act of service impacts my outlook on my day, and helps me to bring my best self to the work that I do.
Today's reading also includes a challenge: how can you put unconditional love into action today? What is one act of kindness that you can give freely, without expecting anything in return today?
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Good morning Skorpi - thank you for your service and today's daily. I recall early on hearing 3 actions to consider for personal success in recovery - Trust God, Clean House, Help Others. This has stuck with me and when I am unconditionally supporting others, I feel closer to my center and my higher power.
It was not natural for me in the beginning. I struggled with being being selfish with my recovery vs. being of service to others. As I progressed through the steps, it became more clear to me that many of my own perceptions and definitions were warped - including what being of service means.
I feel blessed that I am given opportunities to serve others every day. From allowing a car to go in front of me to smiling at someone at the grocery store or post office. Small and random acts of kindness for me helped shift my prior attitudes and outlook from the 'glass half empty' to the 'glass half full'.
Make it a lovely day to one and all! The sun is out today - yay!!! - have not seen it for a few days and happy it's returned!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Skorpi i Love the simplicity of this thread you shared .. So simple .. and yet not when we're in our not so simple 'feelings ..
And I asked myself what I was doing to make the situation better. It turned out that I wasn't doing anything but complaining ..
when i read the line above .. i thought to myself what am i doing to make my situation better .. (and bitter) .. and what am i doing period .. times i look at my situation and catch myself thinking I am already doing something about it too .. I am doing that complaining fearing worrying carrying resentments judgements criticisms inside me etc .. I am very busy getting right to work on that .. half laugh .. Seeing I have a ways to go .. Just when i thought i was cleaning up my side of the street .. it's true i have enough to work on inside 'me to last me a lifetime without trying to clean up someone else's side .. takes a village to raise me .. thanks for being a part of it ..
when I am unconditionally supporting others, I feel closer to my center and my higher power.
It was not natural for me in the beginning. I struggled with being being selfish with my recovery vs. being of service to others
Thanks I Am for this too .. realising it feels uncomfortable for me too .. i am still selfish in many areas .. gonna let this one simmer .. those acts of kindness which noone knows we do .. i always wanted a reward .. ouch this is hard for me to see inside me .. i think we lose so much in this disease we sometimes become 'hoarders as in wanting to cling to the little control pride and ego we think we have left .. but pride and ego is not where i want to be or stay .. ego edges god out and leave me only .. at least this is what i think for me and my own past ..
-- Edited by MeTwo2 on Wednesday 8th of November 2017 08:40:33 AM
Great reminder Thanks Skorpi, thanks Before program and being given the tools to look inward,instead of outward, I never realized that all my good deeds had strings attached. -- For example If i am nice to you you will do for me.
Program provided the opportunity for me to give compassion and love unconditionally and i found that to be so very rewarding. I know that I did grow spiritually and emotionally when i practiced this simple tool.
Thanks for your service
Thanks Skorpi and what a wonderful reading and concept. When I can surprise someone with a nice gesture it allows me to feel so happy. I no longer need anything in return and I think that is very important too. In my early adulthood and for some time, I felt so empty that everything hurt me. Especially since program, I am no longer empty. I am filled with program tools, improved self-esteem, a stronger mind of my own, and I remain a grateful member of Alanon, Lyne
In looking inward, I used to be a very giving person. I LOVED doing things for others... sending them flowers, cards, etc. Over the 29 years of marriage, that part of me was almost erased. And not entirely because of my loved one's addiction. There were things lacking... simple things, loving things. So I figured that if I gave, my husband would enjoy, and eventually reciprocate. After years and years, this way of thinking just never worked. As the addiction took hold of our relationship, I slowly began to do less and less for him. What was the point, I thought? Eventually, I stopped doing anything "extra" for him. I figured, "Why bother, he never thinks of me in the same way." So I began to do more for others... it helped me feel good. But over time, I was so obsessed with my addicted husband, I had little energy to do those little acts of kindness for others.
So yes, I have developed into a more selfish person. Not a good look on me, btw.
Perhaps I can begin to cultivate the person I used to be... before addiction entered my life. What a wonderful goal!
Thank you to all who shared their own ESH on this topic!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thanks everyone for your shares. I have some powerful self reflection going on after reading your experiences.
P&P, i think I'm in a similar place with wife right now. Struggling with the balance of not doing for her what she ought be doing for herself and being selflessly kind and not being selfish but needing also protect myself and boundaries. Thank goodness Al-Anon is here help me sort out!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
relate to that too posies .. tired .. somewhere along the line i quit doing a lot of things .. what was the point .. the hope was gone .. i learned alot of one sided relationships and having to still relearn in many areas .. I put my faith and hope in all the wrong places .. it's no wonder i lost it a long time .. even in me .. wrong place .. i have faith but to this day it's still misplaced .. having to work to place it back into hp where it belongs (only place it can truly be revived or reciprocated) .. i think i have this backwards humans (me or others doing for me or them what only god can do) .. stil moving through the codependency and codependent expectations phase .. new concept to give (for me to feel good) .. sometimes i feel overwhelmed by the confused messages that were paid forward .. made alot of others (alcs) my higher power .. but then i think why is this so surprising .. it was all so much of a greater power than me .. (everyone had more power than me half lol) easy to have more power 'over me when i am confused .. growing up we had the spiritual confusion of I am supposed to be the savior ? or they are ? i think we're all a whole lot better off letting god do the saving and me do the step work ..
not sure this will read sense .. (i'm 'still confused) .. another reason i don't say anything too loud outside recovery .. not in these areas ..
Thanks for being here MeTwo2 and sharing your thoughts and inspiring ESH