The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My STBXAH bought tickets for a football game which means hes taking the kids out of town Saturday. Through our marriage he has done this kind of thing without consulting me at all, sometimes telling me the day of. So this am my daughter informed me of this event. I dropped her off & went home, took some deep breaths, made sure to HALT and then I told him that this was unacceptable behavior (truthfully the first time Ive confronted him about this issue, I credit al-anon for helping me stop being a doormat). I did NOT yell, scream, cry, JADE, etc. And I said it nicely. I did remind him that once the divorce is final, as their mother I have a legal right to be consulted well in advance of such things. (this little trip is over 3 hours away out of town & will be overnight). I believe Ive always had this right but he has never honored that. anyway now Im able to have an honest open conversation instead of a fit, and am able stand up for myself. THANK YOU AL-ANON!!
BBB-Yay for program and you! Welcome to my club, the X-doormat people. I promise myself to stick up for me as much as humanly possible. The more I practice, the better I get. I do keep in mind progress, not perfection. I have a bunch of unpleasant things going on, one with my A, and I'm trying to detach with love, keep it simple, ODAT, etc. It works if you work it, Lyne
Great for you, Beth! Sometimes I found it hard to quite JADE'ing, but progress not perfection, am I right? Great job taking a breath and "Practicing the Pause!"
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
(((BethBethBeth))) thank you for sharing your progress. I do know I feel Im maturing when I can have a conversation with my AH without placing blame, throwing insults or raising my voice, something I was notorious for before Alanon. Today I feel freedom from the grips of my disease when I can communicate my feelings in a way that is healthy for me because I would much rather give a resentment than get one :)
__________________
- Carrie
Stress is caused by being 'here' but wanting to be 'there'. Eckhart Tolle
Lovely share - way to go!!! Love that you used your tools to say what you needed to say! Keep on keeping on Beth - good on you!!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
