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I seriously had to share this because it helps me see and sort through the insanity of the disease and not just his how it effects the whole family.
Well, my XAH informed my daughter that he was graciously keeping her on child support and didn't have to because she is a student.
State law in IL used to be that first child is 25% and 2nd child is 28%, laws have changed and I have to look into how they effect the amount of money I receive and so on.
Well .. LOL .. did everyone catch the 3% and my X offering to PAY her child support directly .. well how very kind of him .. how very condescending of him and that's the NICEST thing I can say .. not what I want to say. It is ALL I can do not to write him which I have to do today at some point and give him college as well as medical bills. LOL!!
So what 3% works out to be is 5.19$ a week. So no .. he can't take 50% of his child support and state he's paying to my oldest. This is the level of insanity and it clearly tells me his thinking is soooo screwed up at this point it's so sad it's funny kind of thing. Number 1 he has no concept of raising a child financially. Number 2 he has no concept of the law. I wait .. I wait to do what I need to do and allow him to spin in a web of his own making screaming at the world how unfair everything is while not understanding or wanting to understand he is legally bound to provide child support to our daughter. I am sad though that after 7 years of intense conflict he still can't get outside of his own mind and look at the bigger picture. If he didn't have the money I probably would not pursue it .. however he does .. and I will recoup everything at some point. I am very sad for him because the cost of it all is on him. I have let go of so much negativity and anger even .. this is still a trigger however not the volcanic mass it used to be thankfully.
Anyway, to me based upon the level of insanity I deal with from him .. I do find these things sardonic.
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Hi Serenity-Oh I can relate! My XAH, and this is a long time ago, eventually could not pay child support at all. He was fired from his job and did a variety of interesting things like drive a taxi cab and sleep in it because he couldn't afford a living space, he joined a commune at one point and did not have a salary, and he also bought a hot dog truck which was not fruitful either. Thank God I can laugh at all this now. But 25 years ago I did not have program and this was a very dire situation. I am impressed with your coping skills and know you can get through this in a mature, calm manner. But a trigger-heck yes! Lyne
Lol oh Lynn the only thing that's keeping me on my side of the road is he can't just go change the amount and if he were paying on his own. He would do. Thankfully my daughter set him straight on the fact it he needs to talk to me .. he can't just change things. I look at this and did wonder how does he look himself in the mirror lol?? Not my problem and I have my own issues to address. It really does bring home how does one rationalize or justify that type of behavior??
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Hang in there Serenity - I don't know if it helps me or hurts me to have first hand experience with the insanity of the disease. I do know that the insanity is as progressive as the drinking and to the A, this probably appears very 'normal and rational'....I've got 2 boys in early sobriety and I often find myself just praying for them as they are still as crazy as when they were active in the disease some days!
Good on you for choosing your side of the street - probably the sanest and safest place to hang out! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I think it helps. One thing is he's so unpredictable he's predictable .. lol. I knew there was a crazy thought processing happening .. I saw my daughter today as usual we had such a nice lunch together. It's unfortunate that I was right about some things. My ex is under the hallucination with her at college we are no longer close. I verbalize that to her and she was shocked because he verbalize something along that lines to her via text. He's I'm sure changed his tune and now realizes we are in steady contact. So I doubt the offer of help still stands for her I hope I'm wrong however it won't shock me if he doesn't reach out again. He will have to talk to me before talking to my son. He is not wanting to do that. Anyways .. Hugs .. and life continues on.
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Serenity I don't think the change in laws should impact you since you already had an order in place. I was divorced prior to the change and the 28% is still being honored. I also think it depends on your agreement - was it once the child reaches 18 or once the child is out of schooling? Mine says 18 or graduates high school.
I have 2 kids and it could be modified since the oldest is 18 .. he's hallucinating it's going down by 50% .. he has involved the oldest by telling her he would send her support to her directly .. I need a face palm icon .. never mind he owes me thousands which is why it would go up .. not down. Illinois law has changed .. I'm sure he's not listening to his attorney and listening to what I qualify as the DUI club. Hugs :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
