The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm traveling with work this week, and my internet is rather spotty, so I'm using yesterday's sharing from the Today's Hope app.
The share is about motives. The author reflects on how important it is to check their motives before taking action or speaking. Before springing into action, the author tries to reflect on whether they are giving without expecting to get something in return, maintaining boundaries that they can live with, speaking up when that is necessary to solve a problem, and staying silent when doing otherwise would make a situation worse.
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When I first arrived at AlAnon, I was not sure about how to tell if I was reacting or responding to a situation. I thought I always had to "speak up" to help solve problems. the process of checking my motives gives me something to do between noticing a situation and responding to it. I can use this time to think through my motives, ensure that I am acting in accordance with my values and boundaries, and slow down my process so I have time to think. Being honest with myself about my motives also helps me make decisions that are good for me and do not enable others.
I hope you have a great day!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Good Morning Skorpi, Examining my motive has become an extremely important part of my 10th Step review each day. Before program, and establishing the practice of looking inward, I found that I did fool myself into believing that all my actions were pure and noble. Not so!!!!! I found that many times I acted to control, or manipulate a situation or even out of anger and revenge. Today, before I act i examine my motives make sure I am living up to my principles and move forward. What a difference!! Thanks for your service.
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I pray that I may keep my eyes trained above the horizon of myself: I pray that I may see infinite possibilities for spiritual growth.
I can use this time to think through my motives (this is a reflective thought .. we pretty much grew up thinking 'through feelings .. we didn't have the wisdom we grow to know in alanon .. still growing)
Skorpi - safe travels to you. Thank you for your service and the daily.
To all - thank you for your ESH and shares above me. In all my years of life before recovery, I rarely looked at my motives. I can say that I too felt that I had to react to what was in front of me, behind me, etc. In recovery, I learned that silence and pause are also responses and they can be the best response at times.
Staying present, considering the facts and checking my motives really helps me to avoid added fuel to a fire. In recovery, my goal is to engage when asked, and try to be part of the solution instead of part of the problem. Before recovery, I was part of the problem in an 'auto-pilot' style of reacting. It's refreshing to have different tools to live and love with.
Make it a great day all - a meeting and softball are my 'for sure' things today! (((Hugs))) to one and all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Skorpi thanks for your service. Great share! In the past I had so many selfish motives that I thought were for the good of helping the A. Only after coming here, attending f2f meetings, reading literature and going to counseling can I see that I was actually manipulating and controlling others, especially my ah. This morning I practiced the pause and let him handle a situation involving making a decision on how to handle a situation for our teen son's car that needs repaired. I have always just taken charge in the past and I can see now where this has damaged his relationship in certain areas with the kids. I am going to try really hard to keep thinking about these motives before responding or reacting in the future. Going to dinner in a few and actually have a great rest of the week planned.
