The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The ODAT reading for October 17, speaks about how, unconsciously we can be directing and controlling of others. They offer examples such as, saying"it's almost time for church,get ready".," do not take the car out in this weather." It's almost time for sleep etc.
The reading points out that these are trifles, but an example of a much bigger problem in which we are directing and controlling others and limiting their choices and dignity. By playing the mother role in treating others like children,we are taking away their's responsibilities. We must break the habit of managing others and learn to keep the focus on ourselves.
The quote is "each of us has the right and the obligation to make their own decisions. It is character destroying to usurp that right."
I really appreciate that Al-Anon has provided the tools of detachment, as well as the steps and the slogans that have enabled me to keep the focus on myself and allow others the dignity to make their own choices. Thank you Al-Anon
Make a lovely day.
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I pray that I may keep my eyes trained above the horizon of myself: I pray that I may see infinite possibilities for spiritual growth.
Thank you for your post. I never thought I was controlling at all! I could see that my A was wrong and I knew the correct things to do. After all, wasn't I just helping, caring, and loving?? When I discovered that I was minding my A's business it took a while to sink in. But it finally did, and I rarely act the way I used to. I have learned to mind my business, and have become much more accepting of others. Progress not perfection, Lyne
Good morning MIP family - thank you Betty for the daily, your service and your ESH. Thank you Lyne also for you share and ESH. I knew I was controlling and as I worked the steps, I 'saw' these other ways where I unintentionally was doing/trying to do so. It was eye-opening and such a hard habit to break as I had appointed myself the head of house, head of meals, head of laundry, etc. I was the secretary, treasurer too! For the obvious HHIC (Head Honcho in Charge) actions/words I had embraced, I could easily 'see' where I was robbing others of the ability to learn/grow in making their own choices/mistakes.
Those more subtle events took a bit more time to understand and consider. I too was minding the business of others, well beyond me! Through practice, it's gotten better yet still can slip in if I am left of center.
Make it a great day all! Fall here and the sun in shining brightly! Truly enjoying the changing seasons. (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
