The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So my AH is not "typical" alcoholic--more like a problem drinker. He drinks almost every evening anywhere from 2-6 beers. He gets loud, drunk swearing, talking at the TV (like a 50 year old frat boy). So I have been going to Al-Anon to help me cope with my anger, frustration,anxiety, etc over excessive drinking and behavior when he drinks.
Now keep in mind--he usually drinks at home. However he will drink when he goes out to sporting events, or to the bars to watch the game or for parties (and depending on the event and if he has to drive or not controls how much he drinks).
Now, my husband is also a Type 1 diabetic (late onset). He just takes more insulin if he wants to drink (since alcohol increases the blood sugar) and then usually eats with it (to prevent the crash in blood sugar). Usually he has had no problem in doing this. And he is able to feel if he is going low. He has bragged about how his A1C (the test that tells you what your blood sugar average has been over 3 months is low (like in the 5s). Grant is he does make sure he exercises every day.
So--last week he had refereed a couple of soccer games for about 3 hours in the morning. And then he came home to watch some big soccer match on TV--and of course had to drink some beer. So this is around 12-1 he has at least 1-2 beers and is a little loud. So now it is 3pm and time to go to my son's soccer game as a family. He seems OK. His behavior is seeming normal, does not appear under influence. We are on the freeway and he pulls out his blood sugar machine to check (which he often does when he drives). And I ask him if he is feeling "low" and he says yes. I tell him then just pull over. He says lets just see what it says I have snacks. Well it is "50" which is low--I tell him to pull off freeway and he is slow to respond. I have to tell him take the next exit and let my 17year old son drive (I couldn't because I had taken some medication). So he does pull off safely and we switch drivers, he has a snack, all is OK. He says he runs low a lot lately because of all the exercise he is doing. However--i know that is not the only reason--the alcohol spikes your blood sugar then drops it rapidly. This was scary to me. He has drank when we have been out and always checked his blood sugar and has never had a problem like this. (I have now discussed with my son who drives that we need to just have it unwritten rule that if we have to travel in car with him if he has been drinking someone else needs to drive).
But now here is what I want to pass by you. I have a annual physical exam coming up. And my MD is the same as his. I know that there is HIPPA so that whatever I tell my MD he can't say anything to my husband. I was thinking about telling my MD about the problems that I am having with anxiety and problems sleeping (have had for many years due to other family traumas, work stress, marital stress, etc...) But now the problems are primarily due to my husbands drinking (my husbands obnoxious behavior/loudness in house, his lack of awareness/physical and emotional support to me as I am suffering with a physical problem, and the comments in past he has made to my son when he was recovering from head injury that were inappropriate and hurtful). I want to tell my MD that I am doing AL-Anon to help out. Now I am thinking though that the alcohol may be causing medical/safety issue. I am wanting to share about my husbands drinking so that the MD knows the stress I am under and that I am taking steps to help myself. And I guess I am hoping that this would be in his mind for when he does see my husband and he says that his A1C is low and he has lows because he exercises so much that the MD can raise a question of alcohol--and still I am sure be well aware that my husband may not be telling the truth. Would this be wrong?
Dancer - this is my experience only....I don't have direct experience with a diabetic in my family, but have known alcoholics that do as he does - take more insulin to offset the consumption. They do this for food, alcohol, etc. when they 'want to'. I don't have diabetes so can't say I wouldn't do the same for cheat days/deserts/etc.
What Al-Anon tells me is that I need to keep the focus on me. I can use the tools and the serenity prayer to best determine my next steps. I do not, will not EVER ride with anyone who has been drinking, alcoholic or not. That's my own personal choice and boundary. I don't take any medication ever, so don't have to worry about my ability to drive. But, when I go out and about with my AH, I drive. We were discussing a road we are thinking about taking last evening, and I said I would drive. I don't present it as a questions, it's a statement.
My mother has been advancing her alcoholism, and also has heart issues. She has been withholding all kinds of information from her heart doctor that may/may not affect her treatment/medications. We had a couple of talks and I shared some of my concerns with her about her consumption and contra affects possible with her medications. She has promised to be honest at her next doctor visit. I am currently considering a letter to the doctor suggesting some possible issues with her compliance. If I decide to do this, it would not be 'behind the back'. I've already discussed with my dad and we're both thinking it through. This is possibly an 'overstep' from the program view, yet I also see it as concern/care - my parents are 83 and can't keep a handle on their medications, care, etc. and certainly do not understand how one thing affects another. I went to med. school for a bit so...knowledge may/may not be power.
If I understand HIPPA, they can't disclose to you unless he gives permission/auth. It's not a 2-way street - you are not bound by HIPPA - they are. Having said this, I would certainly discuss with a sponsor, perhaps in meetings and examine motives. So many foods have hidden glucose in them and if he's new to the diabetic game, it does take time to figure it all out. You can't control him or change him, but you can do some things differently to ensure the safety of you and son.
HTH - take what you like and leave the rest!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I think doctors are pretty attuned to what alcoholism looks like. If someone is drinking a lot it shows up in the liver tests.
My friend who committed suicide last year was told by his doctor to drink less. I did not even know he was drinking to excess. The doctor certainly did.
My last landlord was and is an alcoholic. I had to endure the loud alcoholic screaming at the TV all weekend. I am so so grateful I have moved on from that.
At one point I felt very "stuck". On another level, the anger I felt at being in that situation did propel me to do a lot of work to get out of it.
Stress has a big effect on one's health. If you are constantly worried about someone else's behavior that is very very difficult to deal with.
At one time I felt like a magnet for obnoxious, loud awful people. These days I have a lot of boundaries.
I saw my now ex Landlord a week or so ago. I am resigned to knowing he believes fervently he is a great guy. He has no idea how his behavior affects others.
He puts the blame on the 'others'. Keep in mind I heard his relationships as I lived in the same house as him. He was very good at acting great and at the same time doing everything possible to make other's miserable.
Everything that was wrong with his house was blamed on others. Really I went up at night and put holes in his roof!!!!
The wiring in the house was faulty. That was also someone else's fault.
I seriously doubt that this man will ever get to the point of acknowledging his behavior. Letting go of wanting someone to acknowledge they are obnoxious, manipulative and a bully is a pretty hard one.
For me the bottom line of those relationships is that it is very hard to let go of someone who is destroying themselves. The ex landlord also has high blood pressure, diabetes and a host of ailments.
His denial about them is considerable. He creates a mirage of someone who is healthy, working out and at his peak. In reality he drinks himself into oblivion every night. On the weekend it is much much worse.
I can tell you that surviving a situation like you are doing is pretty extraordinary stuff. Putting the focus on myself, in front of someone guzzling alcohol to the max was very very difficult. Detaching from the noise, the chaos and the constant efforts to create chaos was a big achievement. I certainly had a lot of feelings about being in that situation.
I don't think it is disloyal to be honest about your situation. Doctors are trained to spot alcoholism, They are well able to read the blood results in front of them. Alcohol doesn't hide, as much as any alcoholic wants to believe it does.
For me telling the truth about any situation I have been in has been key. I no longer tell the truth to the alcoholic or the addict. I tell the truth to myself and to certain people around me. I pick those people rather more carefully these days.
Stress is a huge factor in anyone's health. I am on a course of repairing my health. It is a huge job. My blood work is good but it could be better. My mental health is better than it was but it could be better.
I know full well what it is to live in the situation you are in. There is going to be no judgment here on this board. I hope you will use this space as an outlet for yourself. There are people here who have survived what you are enduring and who are doing well. That alone is an indicator that you are absolutely in the right place to get help for yourself.
I think doctors are pretty attuned to what alcoholism looks like. If someone is drinking a lot it shows up in the liver tests.
My friend who committed suicide last year was told by his doctor to drink less. I did not even know he was drinking to excess. The doctor certainly did.
My last landlord was and is an alcoholic. I had to endure the loud alcoholic screaming at the TV all weekend. I am so so grateful I have moved on from that.
At one point I felt very "stuck". On another level, the anger I felt at being in that situation did propel me to do a lot of work to get out of it.
Stress has a big effect on one's health. If you are constantly worried about someone else's behavior that is very very difficult to deal with.
At one time I felt like a magnet for obnoxious, loud awful people. These days I have a lot of boundaries.
I saw my now ex Landlord a week or so ago. I am resigned to knowing he believes fervently he is a great guy. He has no idea how his behavior affects others.
He puts the blame on the 'others'. Keep in mind I heard his relationships as I lived in the same house as him. He was very good at acting great and at the same time doing everything possible to make other's miserable.
Everything that was wrong with his house was blamed on others. Really I went up at night and put holes in his roof!!!!
The wiring in the house was faulty. That was also someone else's fault.
I seriously doubt that this man will ever get to the point of acknowledging his behavior. Letting go of wanting someone to acknowledge they are obnoxious, manipulative and a bully is a pretty hard one.
For me the bottom line of those relationships is that it is very hard to let go of someone who is destroying themselves. The ex landlord also has high blood pressure, diabetes and a host of ailments.
His denial about them is considerable. He creates a mirage of someone who is healthy, working out and at his peak. In reality he drinks himself into oblivion every night. On the weekend it is much much worse.
I can tell you that surviving a situation like you are doing is pretty extraordinary stuff. Putting the focus on myself, in front of someone guzzling alcohol to the max was very very difficult. Detaching from the noise, the chaos and the constant efforts to create chaos was a big achievement. I certainly had a lot of feelings about being in that situation.
I don't think it is disloyal to be honest about your situation. Doctors are trained to spot alcoholism, They are well able to read the blood results in front of them. Alcohol doesn't hide, as much as any alcoholic wants to believe it does.
For me telling the truth about any situation I have been in has been key. I no longer tell the truth to the alcoholic or the addict. I tell the truth to myself and to certain people around me. I pick those people rather more carefully these days.
Stress is a huge factor in anyone's health. I am on a course of repairing my health. It is a huge job. My blood work is good but it could be better. My mental health is better than it was but it could be better.
I know full well what it is to live in the situation you are in. There is going to be no judgment here on this board. I hope you will use this space as an outlet for yourself. There are people here who have survived what you are enduring and who are doing well. That alone is an indicator that you are absolutely in the right place to get help for yourself.
This family is so awesome with it's ESH and yes it is up to us to take what we like or leave the rest and then the love still follows us around. Mahalo MIP ((((Hugs))))
I don't know if you have been to an AA meeting. There are all kinds of alcoholics. My sister who has been an alcoholic since she was 16 was pretty much always functional, still is.
That doesn't mean her liver isn't pretty much shot.
I don't diagnose people anymore myself but I know when someone crosses the line between social drinking and alcoholism.
The definition is when the consequences are there and they keep on drinking.
My AH is diabetic (adult onset) as well and he believes that the alcohol is like medicine as it brings his blood sugar down. He only tests in the morning and if he doesn't drink at night his numbers are higher than if he does, so he considers it helpful to drink at night. I shake my head and get back over to my side of the street where I belong. This is a baffling disease.
I sent a letter to his doctor explaining the situation and hoped he would just speak to my husband about the ill effects of alcohol consumption for a diabetic, but thus far I don't believe he has said a word to him. If he has, my husband did not share it with me. Again, back to my side of the street.
I can definitely understand your concern. I feel it myself.
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Bethany
"Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be." Abe Lincoln
My XAH and I shared the same Dr and I had a big discussion with her about his drinking. So she gave him meds to treat bi-polar without addressing the drinking. A few issues happening .. first off .. she wasn't a Pysch .. send off I now know it's horribly inappropriate for a Gen MD to diagnosis anyone who is having addiction issues. What happened to my X is he went into crisis mode went from being an active A to also being addicted to pills. THEN getting a DUI which lead to more pill taking that SHE was prescribing to him because he refused to address the fact he is an A.
Double check your HIPPA because I could talk to the Dr about him however he could also talk to her about me. So it can backfire and there are things you may not want your AH to know about you.
That was my experience.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
