The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Here's the thing .. I got in from work today and supposed to be packing to go on holiday tomorrow with AH. I've been looking forward to it for ages. But he was on one when I got home, and I couldn't do right for doing wrong. I let him get to me, he just seems to know how to push the right buttons to trigger a reaction. I ended up shouting and crying like a mad woman etc . Still feeling very upset now.
So now I don't know whether I want to go anywhere with him. I don't know whether that's helping either of us very much.
hello LL I found that forgiving myself when I forgot program tools helped me to regain my dreams and peace. I too would abandon my dreams and react in a negative manner that I could have detached from and proceeded with serenity Please take time, read an alanon book, recite the serenity prayer and decide to make the long awaited trip.
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I pray that I may keep my eyes trained above the horizon of myself: I pray that I may see infinite possibilities for spiritual growth.
That certainly has always been a tough one for me also Lil...I mostly found myself impulse not to go anywhere with them because the resentments use to grab a hold of my gut and hang on. When I learned how to forgive (forget is something else) my spirit would calm down and I could handle the relationship better over time. Program literature and slogans and the phone number to my sponsor are main tools in my recovery tool box today. Don't be hard on yourself...guilt and shame will make it worse. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
Sorry to hear that Lil99... be gentle with yourself about "slipping" with your recovery... Progress not Perfection, right?
I had too many of those "mad woman" reactions to my AH before Al-Anon. Al-Anon helped bring the focus off my AH and onto myself. Sadly, I found that I had to start planning and going to things without my AH b/c he would ALWAYS agree to go, but then say he was "too sick" or some other thing, and all my plans would be ruined. It got to be seriously maddening! So I let all that go, and went places on my own. Not ideal. But my reality, unfortunately.
Namaste
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
The ex a and I once went on a long awaited trip to an idyllic place. He was pretty much a grump all the time, enjoyed none of it. Then he cit the trip short in reality to go and smoke weed with his brother. Incidentalky this brother has since commited suicide.
I took it all extremely personally and grieved and grieved thos trip. Subsequently we took other trips tjat were in reality all about his addiction and some fantasy he had.
I cant say any of them were pleasant. There were times during our relationship when I had more than enough funds to go on a nice trip on my own. I was absolutely obstinate that I wanted a trip as a couple.
I wnt on a short outing with my girlfriend who is an alcoholic 6 months ago. She was totally obnoxious the whole time. When I saw her today she brought up the trip and how one aspect of it was a sore disappointment to her. In the past I would have been irate with her. Now I know it is all her alcoholism and she certainly has other issues.
These days I would not expect a trip with an alcoholic (without recovery) to go well. I would have all kinds of ways to deal with them
Next week I am making the same trip and now it wouldnt occur to me to invite my alcoholic friend because I dont have the emotional space to deal with the tantrums and the unreasonable expectations
. Still feeling very upset now.