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Hi MIP family- just looking for some feedback from people whose parents divorce. Did the timing of when they told you make any particular impact besides just getting the bad news? Did they tell you after it was final? did they tell you at beginning of holiday season? Before legal proceeding? I know there's no great time to make the announcement. I'd just like to hear your thoughts on the experience. Thank you!
Hello Beth,
My father was an alcoholic. He fought a lot with my mother. He went through this thing after they had been married for 20 years and wanted a divorce. I don't remember anyone telling me they were getting divorced. It would have been nice if someone had sat down with me and my siblings as if what we had to say was important. I don't think that timing is as important as just having that talk with them.
Mum left home the day after our youngest brother left school and left home. Before that they came to my sister's wedding together. Mum had a huge bruise on her forehead and dad had a black eye. They never fought openly before that, as far as i know- it was all passive-aggressive- words only. But the pressure must have bin there...
Hi, Beth. I was around 11, and I think it was Mum who told me Dad was going to go live with his mother now. As far as I remember, she didn't say why this was happening or for how long it will last, and I don't think I even asked. Maybe I just saw things weren't exactly well between them and this just didn't surprise me, but for me, I recall taking it rather emotionlessly. It actually boggles me, I've still not understood this general lack of reaction/emotion. Perhaps it all happened (from my perspective) so gradually I didn't get "shocked". My Mum didn't tell me "we're divorcing and never gonna be together again". She just said he's going to live elsewhere now. I suppose I got used to it and when they proceeded to legal divorce I was more than prepared. Not to mention I gave my Mum one hell of a ride when my hormones started raging at age 13. I don't know if any of this helps, but that's how it was for me. Take care and (((hugs))).
We sat the kids down and explained we were separating. The timing was after the holidays not by choice. When I actually went to file I didn't tell the kids because he was engaging and unfortunately I allowed myself to be roped in to crazy behaving. My children verbalize now they were incredibly relieved I left their dad. Simply put we were both miserable together and happier apart. Hugs s :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Hi everyone- thanks for sharing your stories, they really have me some good perspective. We told the kids today. It was a complete surprise to them, unfortunately. But we presented a united front and gave them concrete plans for what happens next. I guess we did the best we could for them. No blaming or arguing. Still this is the hardest thing Ive ever had to do. And while I know its the right thing for our family, given their dads alcoholism, I just feel so sad
(((BethBethBeth))) - sending you hugs, positive thoughts and prayers.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I have come to the understanding that as long as there is memory there is no divorce. That was the most traumatic and sick period of time I had ever remembered and I went thru it twice. I learned how to be divorced and then learned how to be married. I have been thinking of sending my wife (married 23 years this time) back to her family as she misses them and the grandchildren on a daily basis and there is a Pacific Ocean between she and them...saddening. The sadness is crippling at times. Another God project. (((hugs)))
Beth, sending you prayers for your HP to watch over you and guide you at this time.
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
