The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading in Courage to Change is about the Al-Anon practice of concentrating on our similarities instead of our differences.
The author shares that, when they first arrived at Al-Anon, they felt that their problems were so unique, that they set them apart from everyone else. By focusing instead on what we have in common, and by letting go of their own fear and shame, that author was able to find help in their Al-Anon group.
Today's reminder. "Although we have our unique qualities, all hearts beat the same under the skin. Your heart reaches out to mine as you share your story and your faith. I know that the part of myself which I share with you is taken to your heart. Today I will cherish our collective strength."
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When I first arrived at Al-Anon, I felt alone and afraid. I struggled with telling my story, because I was trying to avoid telling my wife's story, and to me, they seemed to have become intertwined and indistinguishable. I was surrounded by Al-Anon members who had a parent or child who was the principle alcoholic in their lives, and I was by far the youngest in the group. How could they understand my situation and my struggles? I found that by focusing on myself, my feelings, and my actions, and by listening to the feelings and actions of others, I found the help and support I needed, and I also discovered that we all had much more in common than ever could have imagined.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Thank you Skorpi for the reading and I like it very much. I think focusing on differences is a way to separate yourself out and not be open to listen or change. I find people to have so much in common, and especially all of us touched by addiction. When I first came to program I thought everyone was different from myself-they had some recovery and I had none. I couldn't imagine feeling better ! I wanted what they had. I felt so badly damaged, I wasn't sure it was possible for me to feel any better. And yes I was wrong! I feel so much better about myself and accepting others as they are. I read in one of Deepak Chopra's books, no one is above us, and no one is below us. I appreciate that statement, Lyne
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this important topic Skorpi and Lyne. When I first entered the rooms i too felt different than and thought that: those tools are fine for those people, they do not know what I have to deal with and those tools will not work for me ."
I am so pleased that alanon stressed the importance of this being a fellowship of equal and that if we kept an open mind we would find help . I had hit bottom by this time and was wiling to let of my "terminally unique attitude" Wonder of wonder I found that although we were all different we were very much the same in our responses to the disease. I could then listen and learn, and stop comparing .I love the slogan:" compare and despair" and the suggestion to keep coming back
Thanks agasin for your service and have a great day all.
Thank you Skorpi for the daily and your service. Thanks to you and Lyne for your shares. I arrived really broken and felt uniquely alone and full of shame. It took me a while to be able to sit still and actually listen as my mind raced so, so badly. I am one who really needed to practice basic listening skills and then add to that looking for the similarities. I had came before and left angry when those present did not give me the magic list of what to do to stop the alcoholic....so - the second time, I was much more ready as my bottom had truly arrived.
It is in recovery that I became more able to accept others and self as we are. I had always felt less than or greater than and never really felt a part of. Recovery changed that and I am grateful that those who came before me were willing to stick around and give it away. Recovery is such a gift and had I not returned, I would not be where I am...
Happy Wednesday all. We have some cooler temperatures today - grateful! Headed to a meeting shortly and we're having a potluck after. The little people are spending the night and the store is calling my name - Wednesday's have become a busy day for me! Make it a great day all...(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Its so great and inspiring to me as I read your responses. I am new here on this journey to recovery. I am at bottom at this time, but I can feel a sense of hope that I can rise to the top if I work this program. I am doing some on-line work through this site and I am going to do the f2f meetings this week. I am so ready! The other times I tried this fellowship I was not open because I was angry and hurt. I am still angry and hurt, but I am so ready and open to change for ME and my children. I still want that change for my ah, but I am understanding some things about his disease of alcoholism in the short time that I have been attending alanon on-line meetings and reading the stories shared on this message board. We are not alone!!! We don't have to deal with this by ourselves and I can have happiness. Sounds so wonderful and feels really great. Thank you all and have a wonderful day.
