The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The C2C reading for October 3 speaks about expressing "Compassion" .The reading suggests that defining Compassion is difficult however It points out that living with the disease of alcoholism" compassion" sometimes gets displaced because we become angry, seek revenge , scream and throw things. It suggests that compassion can be expressed by eliminating these negative reactions and then by accepting the fact that we are dealing with a person who is sick who often exhibits symptoms of a disease. We need to understand that verbal abuse is often a symptom of the disease and that we are dealing with a sick person and do not have to take the abuse personally. We are worthwhile people and do not have to take the abuse nor should we dish it out either.
I have found that treating everyone (ourselves included)with courtesy and respect is a good start toward expressing compassion. I do believe that attending alanon meetings, learning how to be supportive without giving advise or taking anyone's inventory helped me to learn how to be empathic and compassionate. Have a great day
Great page, thank you for your share and service, Betty.
Before I found AlAnon, I made excuses for my unkind behavior towards my qualifier, feeling that my negative attitude and behavior was justified because of the unpleasant effects of alcoholism in my relationship.
This page helps remind me that, while I don't have to accept abuse, I certainly don't have the right to mistreat someone else, especially someone who is suffering from such an illness. I saw the need to make changes in me, to learn to show kindness instead of punishment, something that only made us both feel worse.
Grateful for the wisdom and guidance of the program
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Good morning, Betty and thank you for your service.
Today's reminder made me think of something I heard a few years ago that has really stuck with me: "Wherever you go, there you are." If I can learn to be compassionate, I can be compassionate wherever I am. But, if I am angry or vengeful, then I am angry and vengeful no matter where I am.
I definitely felt the anger and chaos of living with an active alcoholic, and I could see how that anger and chaos spread to every part of my life. How nice to know that focusing on being compassionate will also spread to all parts of my life.
I hope you all have a wonderful day!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Before I found recovery I was lashing out at my AH. I had finally put the pieces of the puzzle together and realized alcohol was at the root of alot of things going on between us. I could see him changing into a different person when he drank. I thought perhaps we would be immune to that side effect because we loved each other so deeply. But that was not the case. It was not my intent to act crazy, but I did. I realized that no matter what he was doing, I was not OK with acting that way. Alanon gave me alternatives to lashing out that I didn't know existed. I couldn't get out of my own head enough to think things through. I never thought I could walk away or do something else! It taught me I am not responsible for his behavior, I am responsible for MINE. What valuable lessons :)
I had an encounter the other day with a man who was pretty obnoxious. In the past I would have felt totally victimized. The other day I had compassion.
I realized that is the only way he knows how to act.
That doesn't mean I would relish encountering him again.
Happy Tuesday all - thank you Betty for your service and the daily. Thanks to all above me for ESH and shares. I too was an emotional processor and reactor before recovery. I always looked beyond myself for the cause and placed all kinds of blame beyond my own hula hoop. I had a bunch of anger and it was deep within and hard to penetrate. After all, that anger kept me safe for a long while, or so I thought.
I am reminded of acting my way to right thinking....I had to practice not reacting and not yelling as a response to less than stellar communications. It took practice, practice, practice yet when I found I could refrain from joining the insanity, I also found that I had more peace. Over time, the practiced actions became a bit more natural and the ability to accept what is and forgive gave me the ability to be kinder and more compassionate.
I truly believe the steps and the reliance on a power greater than me helped here big time...had I not turned my life over, I have no doubt I would still be running on self will, which got me to Al-Anon and recovery in the first place. Hope everyone is having a great day - my company has gone home, I stayed up later than usual watching Monday night football and had one little person this AM for several hours....self-care for me today included a nap - check!!!
Make it a great day!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
