The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading discusses what our program suggests when violence and abuse occurs in a family affected by alcoholism. Al-Anon doesn't give specific advice about relationships -- We don't advocate ending them or continuing to build them. Those decisions are best left to each individual member to make when he or she feels ready.
We do suggest regularly our personal responsibility to take care of self. If physical danger is a part of our reality, we can admit it and take steps to protect ourselves. Arranging for a safe place to go at any hour if needed is one suggestion. Setting up a 'cash stash' may be another as well as ensuring our car keys are readily handy. Some seek outside help - counseling or police to better understand options.
Nobody has the right to physically abuse another under any circumstance. We can ensure a Plan B for self and inventory our own behavior to see if we are contributing to the problem.
Today's reminder -- I don't have the power to change another person. If I am dealing with violence, I must be the one who changes. I'll start by being honest about what is going on.
Today's Quote -- "There is hope, there is help, and I have an inalienable right to human dignity." from ... In All Our Affairs
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I am one who is cautious and careful when another member shares about abuse. Nobody has the right to ever abuse another and I know from personal experience that the abused are often stuck in shame, denial and personal blame. There is no doubt in my personal situation I should have take action sooner than I did, yet I was young and stuck at the time, or so I felt.
I gave a safe place one time to a program friend, and shots were fired at/in my home. Clearly, what I thought would be a safe place was not and this choice put more in danger than before. Because this program has explained to me over and over again that we each have a unique situation and I don't know what's best for another, my best suggestion is for checking resources in your area.
I have a reasonably high tolerance for unacceptable behavior yet a zero tolerance for any physical power struggle/abuse. As part of my own program, I avoid trying to diagnose others' reactions (gas-lighting, narcissist, etc.) and I am not fond of name-calling and accusations as these all contribute to me focusing outside of me.
I know I am not equipped to counsel anyone on physical abuse but can direct them to local resources for professional help/options. I also know I love me enough today to seek the same if I were again to face a violent situation.
Happy Friday to one and all - my internet is acting up today....so need to call the provider. That's just never fun for me! It's a lovely fall day in my neck of the woods, my relatives are in town and not quite sure what they day will bring! I do know softball this evening - make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Good Morning IAH Great topic--- Thank you . Learning to draw boundaries, while keeping the focus on myself and not accepting unacceptable behavior, even from myself is extremely important .
I am so grateful that Alanon has provided the tools that I can use to understand how to live with wisdom, courage and serenity.
Thanks for your service. Enjoy the day good luck with your internet provider.
Thank you IAH for Today's topic of violence and abuse in the alcoholic family and thank you for you sèrvice. I am so thankful that I have the tools of alanon in my pocket right now as a close family member is experiencing this very behavior. So far the program has helped me give only my ESH instead of unwanted or needed advice. I too have learned from past experience that too much involvement can not only be dangrouse for them but for me as well. Thank you Betty, wisdom, courage and serenity really do help me to draw healthy boundaries in times of turmoil.
-- Edited by Stan1 on Friday 29th of September 2017 12:10:49 PM
IAH-Thanks for the reading and your ESH. Abuse was given to me by a family member, especially in my childhood. Early in adulthood, I would start shaking when this person just came near me. It's taken years to reach a reasonable level of coping. I keep a distance from him which he actually dislikes! Imagine! I recently announced in my F2F meeting that I am no longer afraid of this person. This only happened because of Alanon and I am a very grateful member, Lyne
Great shares MIP family......this is just such a tough topic and one that many 'see' an easy solution for....yet, in my experience, the trauma and process is very, very difficult and dangerous. So agree for the gratitude for the program tools we get when we work it! ((Hugs))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
